Inner Keening

Testing

2011-07-31T08:04:00.001-07:00

This is a test

The Headlines (As I See Them)

2008-04-24T17:08:00.000-07:00

What with the insane amount of news today, and I was much too busy mowing my lawn, I decided to give just a blurb on some of the more “stunning” headlines of the day. Be advised, I didn’t actually READ the whole story, but I’ll give you my opinion on what is going on just based on the headlines. I’ll provide links to the story in case you want to read the real thing:

White House: Syria reactor not for ‘peaceful’ purposes. Duh. Ok, a secret nuclear reactor in Syria, that was destroyed a while ago, wasn’t going to be used for home heating. Apparently those wily North Koreans were in on it, not quite sure how they know that, but hey, they also said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, so what do I know. I frankly don’t care about Syria. Being geographically challenged, I don’t even know where it is. I was too busy standing in line at Costco waiting for my rice ration.

Snipes gets the max - 3 years - in tax case. This just goes to show all of us that the IRS will reach out its bony skeleton-like hand and rip your money from you no matter what, so its just much easier to empty your pockets and send everything to them, rather than have them come get it. They get a tad bit cranky if they have to come get it, and you don’t want the IRS to be cranky.

Sect challenges legality of search warrant, raid Ok, this one also deserves a huge DUH. I don’t know if I’m on record or not as having said that the phone call didn’t come from inside the cult-like satanic heavily armed woman and children prison (those aren’t my words, just words that various and sundry dispassionate “media” types have described the situation), I had guessed it came from a bitter, pissed off former member out to get the cult. Little did I know it would be some whacko in Colorado with a record of doing this type of thing.

Humans nearly wiped out 70,000 years ago, study says. I actually did read this one because I wanted to know why we nearly became extinct, and funny thing: it was a horrible drought! Really? You mean the earth wasn’t the exact same way it is now 70,000 years ago? You mean there was drought and ice ages, and strange weather phenomena? It must have been all of those cars and coal burning factories 70,000 years ago that caused it.

Speaking rice, there really is no shortage, I’m guessing that since we can’t afford to drive our cars, everyone will think that the only food we can afford is rice, so they’re raising the prices and limiting what we can buy. Why do I suddenly feel like I live in a third world country?

General Observations

2008-04-23T18:52:00.000-07:00

McCain has started his “Time for Action” tour. Um, wasn’t he just doing his “Biography” tour? Does he really need names for his tour? I’m thinking the “Whoring for votes” tour would be a more honest description.

Apparently they’re going to build an amusement park in Iraq, which will stop all terrorist activity. Apparently whoever thought of that hasn’t tried to use the women’s room at a Six Flags during a hot, crowded day.

Clinton still wants to debate Obama, making that the 23rd debate of this election process. The main topic: Paper vs Plastic.

Homeland Security is a bit pissed that the media is reporting that their $22 billion dollar “Virtual Fence” doesn’t work. A Homeland Security spokesperson corrected them, saying that the “Virtual Fence” is a prototype and still needs tweaking. Their next step is to contract with the makers of the “Invisible Fence” system, but they’re waiting on Congress to approve the purchase of enough electronic collars for every Mexican citizen.

Things That Pissed Me Off Today

2008-04-22T18:19:00.000-07:00

Forget about the rights of these people and the fact that they’re taking away all of their children, lets talk about their clothing.

As if the media isn’t getting enough money from their advertisers, and really, aren’t reporters suppose to be detached and actually just REPORT the news, not cash in on other people’s misfortunes?

Bill Clinton’s little snit about the “Race Card” remark. Scroll to the bottom to see the videos. His response to the reporter is a bit... snarky, doncha think?

A discussion about what will happen when Obama ends up winning the popular vote (as there is no way for Clinton to win it, no matter how many states there are left) and the reaction if the “superdelegates” vote her into the primary:
        Disappointment?
        Pandemonium?
        McCain voted in out of spite?
        How about mass chaos and rioting?

"I want the Iranians to know that if I'm the president, we will attack Iran," Clinton said. "In the next 10 years, during which they might foolishly consider launching an attack on Israel, we would be able to totally obliterate them."

In the next TEN years? Obliterate them? Everyone in Iran? Even the children? Innocent people? Really? Is that what you call “using diplomacy”?

Clinton supporter suggests that Obama is afraid of debating Ms. Clinton with Katie Couric as the moderator. Gee, another debate. After that last pathetic one where “issues” like sniping tv advertising and who was friends with who was beat harder than a dead horse, perhaps we could have looked forward to more WWE smack-down commercials in between finger pointing and accusations. PUHLEEZE! Thankfully there won’t be a 23rd debate. They should have stopped at TWO.

Senior Complex Raided

2008-04-21T17:13:00.000-07:00

Shady Treeside Senior Living Facility, MD - Acting on an anonymous tip about child abuse, the Shady Treeside Senior Living Facility was raided yesterday.

Despite the apparent lack of children living at the facility, police officials armed with sniper rifles and tanks rolled into the assisted living facility to serve a warrant based on a phone call from a reported minor named Nunya Bidness that residents were abusing children in the complex. Ms. Bidness stated that residents were involved in a plot to torture and abuse children by denying them the most basic of resources and forcing them to participate in ritualistic games.

Residents were rounded up with the assistance of local ambulances and taken to a shelter where the men were separated from the women. Officials remained at the complex to search for the abused children, using the tank to demolish homes in search of hiding places and tunnels.

The cult apparently met every Wednesday in a large temple-like complex where little balls were spun in a cage and random letter number combinations were called out. A specialist in demonic cults and child abuse speculated that the residents were using this method to assign the members with children and the type of torture they would endure. It was speculated that a hospital bed in the complex was surely used to have sex with these children.

Mrs. Claudia St. John, 81, one of the women taken in the raid appeared confused when reporters surrounded her and demanded answers to the charges. Ms. St. John repeatedly denied any allegations of child torture at the cult’s complex, and grew agitated when reporters questioned her about the simple white shirt with pleats, brown skirt, and sensible shoes she wore. Ms. Sylvia Branson, author of the book “I’ve Never Been in a Cult, but I’ve Read About Them” and paid consultant to the local police department stated that Ms. St. John’s reaction to the questioning most likely stemmed from being taught to distrust local authorities, and to lie when approached to hide the cult’s vile secrets of satanic rituals and child sacrifices.

Other members, when asked why the community was gated, insisted it was to keep out non-residents and “unsavory” elements, leading police to believe that the cult was also producing illegal drugs.

It was recently revealed that Ms. Bidness was actually a 16 year old boy whose grandfather lived at the heavily armed and gated assisted living cult. Bitter over the lack of internet connection at the complex, Ms. Bidness made the call so he could play World of Warcraft, an educational game that teaches youngsters how to work well with others and be productive, instead of visit his relatives.

The cult members are being held at the local jail until the entire complex is leveled, and ground penetrating radar studies are performed to locate the dungeons and torture chambers.

I just don't see why

2008-04-20T09:56:00.000-07:00

Can someone explain why?

Cha Ching (the sound of more of our rights being stolen from us)

2008-04-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

Its allergy season, and my allergies are a’ raging. So I go to the local CVS down the road and look for some Zyrtec-D. I have Zyrtec, but I’m so stuffed up I can’t even breathe so I need something to unstuff me.

I recently blogged about the fact that Zyrtec is now much easier to purchase since it went Over The Counter (OTC) meaning I don’t need a prescription for it. Of course, this ease now requires me to pay three times what I use to pay for it. I searched the pharmacy aisle for it and found a little note that said that I have to get the Zyrtec-D at the front counter. Hmm. That’s odd.

What I failed to take into consideration is that the Zyrtec-D contains a nifty little ingredient called pseudoephedrine, which is one of the ingredients used to make Meth. In order to keep people from buying it by the case and dumping it into their bathtubs (along with other vile and disgusting things) and making Meth, most states require that anything containing pseudoephedrine be kept under lock and key and doled out by employees of the pharmacy.

Ok, this seems a bit silly, because if this drug is that potent that it can be used to make an addictive and dangerous drug, shouldn’t be doled out by prescription only? Wouldn’t that solve a lot of the problems with illegal drugs?

Oh, but that wouldn’t make getting it “easy” for those of us with REAL allergies that need the medication. Silly me, I would never consider asking my doctor for a prescription for something that I needed in order to breathe, that would be complicated and difficult. Once again, the bad people do something, and to keep bad people from doing bad, they make new rules and laws that hinder and rip away the rights of law abiding good people. Go figure.

So, I wait in line and when its my turn, I ask the 16 year old girl wearing multiple piercings, tattoos, and hair dyed with green streaks for a pack of Zyrtec-D. Its good to know that such a dangerous drug is being guarded by professionals. She asks for my driver’s license. Um, ok, sure, I’m assuming she’s just checking to make sure that I’m old enough to purchase it, because all meth makers are underage or don’t have driver’s licenses. Oh no, she actually SCANS the barcode on the back of my license. I’m stunned. First of all, what information is on that barcode of my license? Why is she scanning it? Where does that information go? What agency? How secure is their computer system? What happens if someone misuses that information? Why on earth do they even NEED that information?

I’m then required to electronically sign a statement saying that I’ll be personally swallowing this medication myself, I won’t sell it, and I won’t dump it into a bathtub with other chemicals and sell the residue to Meth addicts for profit.

I left there feeling somewhat soiled and guilty, all because I woke up this morning and couldn’t breathe without making a funny noise through my nose.

As I drove home I couldn’t help but kick myself for not grabbing back my license, insisting they purge all information from their computers and take their Zyrtec-d and shove it... well, you get the idea. Now I’m wondering what sort of database I’m on, will I be immediately pulled over by the police and arrested for driving under the influence of Zyrtec-d? Will someone contact my employer to let them know that I’m taking Zyrtec-d? If I try to buy more Zrytec-D before this dose runs out, will SWAT teams break into my house and inspect my bathtub?

Curious, I went home and looked up pseudoephedrine and Maryland on Google, and why, sure enough, a law was passed that requires any store selling anything with pseudoephedrine to safeguard it behind the counter, dole it out one at a time, obtain certain information from the purchaser and have them sign a statement that they will only use it for legal means. Of course there was nothing on there about what recourse I would have as a consumer if CVS sells my information, misuses my information, loses my information, or uses my information for means other than just recording that I have allergies and needed a decongestant.

Its bad enough that store cards are marketed as “ways to get stuff on sale without the use of coupons” actually track everything that you buy and send you coupons for “things you may want on your next purchase”. Dear Ms. Smith: we noticed that on your last shopping trip you purchased some sanitary napkins. Our database has determined that your next menstrual cycle is approaching, so please enjoy these coupons for some New Stay Tight maxi pads, which we feel will fit your body shape better than the last brand that you purchased, and for your particular flow.

I had a sick dog and needed some bland food, so I purchased some baby food for her. A week later I started getting coupons from the store for diapers and more baby food. The I received an announcement flyer stating that I was automatically enrolled in their baby program. I don’t have a baby, I told them, take me off your baby program. They told me they couldn’t. Everything was autogenerated from their massive brainiac computer and stuff was sent out whether you wanted it or not, whether it applied to you or not. I pointed out that Mr. Al Gore would have brain matter spewing out over the fact that companies were killing trees to print out coupons for things that people didn’t want or need, then spewing toxic fuel fumes by having those coupons delivered to my house. They didn’t care. I still get the stuff, and I toss it in with the regular garbage, not the recyclables because if they don’t care, why should I.

You are being tracked, every minute, every second of the day. From navigation systems, to credit cards, to mobile phones, to decongestants, they are watching you... and you’ve done nothing wrong, but they sure do make you feel like you have.

I Misspoke

2008-04-18T07:56:00.000-07:00

One of the more enjoyable aspects of this heated political race is learning how to deal with the public, and how you can turn any lie into something more benign and innocent. That truly is a gift and one that I hope to use in my next writing gig interview:

Interviewer: So, tell me about some of the things that you’ve written.
Me: I wrote the Bible.
Interviewer: Um, excuse me?
Me: Yep, wrote the whole thing.
Interviewer: The Bible? You wrote the Bible?
Me: Yep, it was pretty hard actually, I distinctly recall that mid-way into the whole thing I ran out of paper. Office Depot was closed, but luckily there was a Walmart that was open 24 hours a day so I was able to score some paper there and finished it ahead of my deadline.
Interviewer: Um, you didn’t write the Bible.
Me: Oh... I’m sorry, I misspoke. I was up late last night watching YouTube videos and chatting, so I’m a bit tired. You are absolutely right, I didn’t write the Bible, but I did read some of it.
Interviewer: Oh, ok, yeah, I can see how lack of sleep would make you a bit confused about that, so when can you start?

See how easy that is! If it works for them, it surely can work for me.

Separation of Church and State

2008-04-16T16:47:00.001-07:00

We can't have our children saying the pledge of allegiance at school because it evokes the name of God

We can't have that on our money either, are you kidding me?

Um... wait a minute....

Yes, I'm Bitter

2008-04-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

I’m really scratching my head about the latest hoopla about Obama saying that people are bitter. Um, yep, I’m bitter. He nailed that one on the head. Not only am I bitter, but I’m angry, frustrated, pissed off, and generally cranky about our government, the stupid restrictive laws they pass, the fact that most of my paycheck is eaten away by taxes and a social security program that won’t be available when I need it, their spending money left and right on things I don’t believe in nor do I want to pay for with the taxes they drain from my paycheck, the fact that reports come out every day about the frivolous spending, waste, and abuse of my tax money, and their trying to take my guns away from me, give my tax money to ILLEGAL immigrants by giving them the same benefits (HA, what would those be) that I pay into the tax system for, and YOU BETCH YOUR ASS I’M BITTER!!!!!

So, Mr. Obama doesn’t have to apologize for saying that I’m bitter, because I am, and if you go around telling people that I should be offended, then frankly you are so delusional and too rich to freakin realize that people are bitter, fed up, tired of jobs going overseas, tired of China sending us poison in our foods and in our pet foods, tired of spinning in my gerbil wheel day in and day out and not being able to get ahead because I work twice as hard to bring in a decent wage only to see it go toward more taxes, gas, higher prices on food and everything else, and being told where I can and can’t do things.

Politicians are suppose to be PUBLIC SERVANTS and yet they get cheap medical benefits, bloated retirement plans, ludicrous salaries, perks like jets when they want to fly around, pretty much everything that I don’t get. You sit on your thrones and tell us to eat cake and how wonderful you are and how great america is and yet thousands are losing homes because of mismanagement and corrupt businesses, thousands are losing their retirements because we’re forced to put into 401Ks that are based on these corrupt businesses that pay their CEOs bloated salaries and money for leaving once they’ve drained the company and the 401k funds dry.

You and the MEDIA are the ones running what the issues are, not the people. Nobody speaks to the people, the media hires high priced “experts” to give them their opinion of what WE THE PEOPLE care about, but nobody has called me up and said “hey, what do you care about?” Nope, not ever.

Bitter... that barely scratches the surface of how I feel about how “MY” government is run and about this high school-like campaign. Good lord, is this a federal election or a spat on Myspace?

Stop pointing fingers, nit picking words and start telling me how you’re going to fix this crappy mess we call a government without spending the rest of my paycheck.

In the words of Howard Beale...

Rental Families

2008-04-11T16:06:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine is in the process of getting a divorce. An 11 year marriage that resulted in three children, she was devastated (especially when she found out he was leaving by text message), she’ coping rather well by finding a cool younger guy to sow her wild oats with. In the meantime, her soon to be ex-husband has found an older professional woman. In her 40’s, she travels for business a lot, wants a family, but doesn’t want to give up her career, or freedom, or money to actually bear children of her own. So, what better way to have one’s cake and eat it to than hooking up with a divorced father.

It makes me wonder if this is becoming (or currently is already) a trend in the world. You hear of professional women pursuing their careers and forsaking the baby experience because they want to succeed in their jobs, then hit their late 40’s or 50’s and yearn to have a child. Some go the artificial insemination route and raise the kids by themselves, but how many out there have found that they can have kids without the stretch marks, responsibility or financial burden by simply marrying or just dating into a pre-made family. Its like part-time parenting. You get them for certain days, then give them back. You only take them when its convenient and you can dump them off just as they are getting annoying or having issues.

Even though, in most cases, the mother gets most of the custody of the children, the father is usually in the mix somewhere and has to take them on weekends or holidays or some such arrangement. Well, not to stereotype a gender, but men usually don’t do most of the child rearing, but they are really good and trying to assuage their guilt at leaving the kids through bribery, so the kids make out pretty good on the toy end, and having a new girlfriend/wife that wants kids, but not the burden of actually HAVING them means that the fathers can sit in front of the tv us usual while new partner gets her fix of kids, then send them back. Very convenient situation.

What with all the hoopla over who can and can’t get married, the expense and pain of divorcing, I wonder if it would be more convenient just to abolish this whole stupid marriage thing. Go forth, have kids if you want, share them with others, whatever.

Oh wait, that seems a bit too much like the whole polygamy thing now doesn’t it. Speaking of which (and what a horrible transition that was) has anyone noticed that the Texas polygamy thing went from a religion, to a sect and is now a bone fide cult at the moment? Thanks to the newscasters who are truly reaching into depths of great fiction to “speculate” on everything going on there without having any facts to report on.

Remember: bed in a temple means dirty old men raping underage girls. You heard it first on CNN, who was then quoted by FOX, who was then quoted by MSNBC so that means its true.

Thus ends my ramble

I have a Purchase Card, so I can still spend

2008-04-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

Oh gee, what a shock that the Government Accountability Office (GAO) has come out AGAIN to report the abuse of Government Purchase Cards. Everything from iPods to escort services, to lingerie used in jungle training (hmm) was reported this year by the regulatory body.

This story seems a tad bit familiar to me, I vaguely recall... why yes, a Google search done shows this very same abuse going on since 1999, and each time there is screaming and gnashing of teeth to stop this abuse, control the spending and... nothing is done until the next year when the report comes out.

Sure, the major abusers are charged and some made to repay the amounts they spent, but what about the nearly 2 MILLION dollars worth of items that can’t be accounted for?

Yes, this abuse must stop, but why hasn’t it? Every year since 1999 this unbridled spending spree has occurred, outrage expressed, and nothing done about it. That money comes from you and I. If your husband, wife, daughter, son, family member was using your credit card to spend money on frivolous and unauthorized items, wouldn’t you do something about that? Would you shake your finger at them and say “stop that” and let them keep those cards? I don’t think so, and yet your Uncle Sam allows it irresponsible family members to continue spending money willy nilly and getting away with it.

Talk about fiscal responsibility, perhaps if out government would better control its employees and stopped all of this waste, fraud, and theft, we (the taxpayers) wouldn’t have to pay $13,500 for their employees to have a nice meal at a steakhouse. Why wasn’t I invited?

So, everyone, lets pound our fists on our desks and scream THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, then get distracted by a tv for another year until we get to do it again.

Priorities?

2008-04-08T17:18:00.001-07:00

How Much?

2008-04-05T08:27:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting in front of the computer and my stomach is growling. I could go upstairs and get something to snack on.

I’m blessed with a house (house payment), we refinanced and had enough brains not to sign one of the more unsavory loans that are causing thousands of people to become homeless.

We both have steady jobs, although the latest news says that 80,000 people lost their jobs and thanks for the whole mortgage fiasco, more will most likely lose their jobs soon. We’re both contractors, so when the pork gets cut it will most likely be our bacon falling into the unemployment line along with all of the finance people.

Gas prices are soaring, cutting even deeper into empty pockets, causing prices for food, clothing, and other items to increase to pay for transportation of those items into local stores.

Some say we’re in a recession, some say we’re on the way to a recession, and some claim we’re in a depression but the American people don’t care what you call it, we call it uncomfortable, unsettling, and downright scary. Not knowing if you’ll have a job next week, not knowing how you’ll pay for your house if you lose your job, not knowing where you’ll live if you lose your house. Stop bickering about what to call it and try to figure out how to fix it WITHOUT using everyone’s tax dollars to bail out companies or create new programs that won’t work.

So here we are, the little people, the ones that truly know what its like to scrimp and live from paycheck to paycheck. Good, hard working, honest people in trouble and needing a leader that knows how it feels to be teetering on the edge of despair.

Hillary is now proposing a cabinet position called “Poverty Czar” (please note, those are her words, straight from her campaign web site) who will be (direct quote) “... a cabinet level position that will be solely and fully devoted to ending poverty as we know it in America.” REALLY! So all this time, all the government had to do was create this position and nobody in America would be poor? Sounds insanely easy, lets get going on that, lets create a position of Czar (AKA: Emperor, which is a position title you normal hear of in a democratic society such as ours... or not) and let this Emperor/Czar lift this nation out of poverty without the use of any tax dollars (which come from us poverty people).

Actually, the best way to solve poverty in the United States is to ensure that all Americans get the same benefits and pay that our “public servants” get in their jobs. Check out their cushy salary and benefits plan. Must be nice!

How many of you have jobs where you can take off weeks at a time to fly around in a jet and campaign for another job? Well, that’s what McCain, Clinton, and Obama are doing. While receiving pay to do their Senate gig, they are taking off time to campaign in every state in the Nation. How many of you get that in your current job? Hey boss, I’ll be out of the office for a few weeks, I’m going to fly around the nation and see if I can’t get another job somewhere else. Just keep direct depositing my salary, and thanks.

So, the next time you hear your candidate saying “I feel your pain, I know what you are going through”, check this little tidbit out.

$109 MILLION

I want to feel their pain.

Cell Phone Vs. Smoking

2008-04-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

It comes as no surprise to me that a claim has been made that cell phones are more dangerous than smoking.

Why isn't this a surprise to me? Well, because I have half of a brain and can figure these things out.

You may recall the witch hunt of cigarette smoking. Cigarettes were evil, the people that make them are evil, the people that smoke them are evil, and the ones that smoke them causes all of the non-smokers to pay a gazillion dollars in health care benefits because of the burden passed on by these heartless bastards that smoke. Smokers were literally draining the life blood and life savings of the innocents. Not only that, but they were causing the innocents to get sick from their vile and disgusting second hand smoke.

Laws were passed to stop smoking in public places, some even passed laws that kept people from smoking in their own homes, and tobacco companies were sued left and right with gazillion dollar payouts to the "victims" of smoking.

The media crowed this victory over smoking and predicted that cancer rates and medical insurance rates would surely plummet and everyone will be healthy and happy once again! We won the war of smoking and cancer.

Um, wait a minute. People are still getting cancers, and people are still draining the health care industry, and ... well, we need to blame someone. We can't just have a disease that randomly hits people and makes them sick or makes them die! We can't have something we can't fight, cure, or figure out what is really causing it. We can't go on in this life thinking that even if we eat our vegetables, exercise, get enough sleep, we could still contract a horrible wasting disease with no cure!

WAIT! Cell phones! Yes, it must be that since people are stillg etting sick and cancers that it must be cell phones. I mean how else would small kids and people who never smoked could get cancer. We blamed it on those foul second hand smoke emitters, but now that we can eat in a McDonalds without noxious fumes blowing in our faces (and remember, you officially could get cancer from second hand smoke, but you can't get high from second hand marijuana smoke, go figure that one out), the only rational and cost effective reason would be cell phones.

Just about everyone has a cell phone, everyone uses them, and the cell phone industry has a lot of cash. BRILLIANT! Lets blame something that we'll eventually find out is either a huge concoction of environmental factors, or just the luck of the gene draw on something else lucrative to lawyers.

Watch out everyone! Take it from a closet smoker, the time will come where you won't be able to use your cell phone any more, won't be able to have one actually. They'll start whittling away your rights and perhaps you'll be forced to only use your cell phone outside. Soon you won't be able to use it in a food place, or in public even. Those death rays from your cell phone could irradiate the small child in your car, so don't use your cell in the car when children are present. Sound familiar? Yep, it is, but for those of you that can't remember last month, let alone last year, or five years ago will not recognize the fear mongering that is used to get money, and create a bunch of scared lemmings that just swallow every word the media or government throws at you.

Thanks, That's Much Easier

2008-04-02T17:11:00.000-07:00

I have allergies. I never had allergies until I moved to the state of Maryland, where apparently allergies are the state past time.

When Benadryl stopped working, along with the myriad of other over the counter (OTC) medications, I asked my doctor who dumped a handful of Zyrtec samples into my bag and told me to let her know how those worked. I took it, it worked, I told her, she wrote me a prescription for it. I got 30 pills (a month’s worth) for a $10 co-pay. When those ran out, I called her and she had another load of them waiting for a mere $10 co-pay.

The other day spring had sprung along with my allergies so I was about to call her up and ask for another prescription when a commercial caught my eye. What’s this? Zyrtec is now OTC. GREAT NEWS, the commercial screamed, NOW ITS EASIER TO GET RELIEF!

Sure, it was such a huge burden to call my doctor and ask for a refill, then shlep over to the pharmacy to pick it up. Thanks money grubbing pharmaceutical company for making my allergy suffering less burdensome by eliminating a phone call. Now I can just walk into the store and get it, thanks.

Um, wait a minute! I checked out the various and sundry bottles of OTC zyrtec. I could pay $6.00 for 3 pills, or I could pay $15.00 for 14 pills, or I could pay $31.00 for 28 pills. You don’t need to be a math genius to figure out that the elimination of a phone call to my doctor is now costing me over $30 for the same amount that I got for $10.

Stupid, greedy pharmaceutical whores! I’m sure I’m paying for the PRETTY packaging as the pills that I bought came in individual little hermetically sealed packets. Why? I don’t know, just shove them all in a stupid bottle and then I only have to wrestle once with opening the lid, peeling off that worthless tinfoil seal, fish the cotton ball out of there and pop one in my mouth. No, now I have to rip the blister pack, which won’t rip right, which means I have to get out the scissors and try to cut around the little pill without cutting the pill and now my blood pressure is so high I’ll probably end up on some other medication that will also go OTC.

Cell Phones = infertility

2008-03-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

A recent study suggested that men who use cell phones face the risk of infertility. Apparently the more the man uses the phone, the more sperm are killed by the evil cell phone rays.

Since there has also been a rise in the cost of birth control, and some incidents where birth control isn't being made available to low income individuals, who apparently are low income but can still afford a cell phone, we've developed a new dual purpose cell phone holder/fertility buster solution:

Separated at Birth?

2008-03-18T15:49:00.000-07:00

Has anyone noticed that Democratic Analyst and pundit Susan Estrich is a clone of Carol Channing?

Carol Channing:

Susan Estrich:

Scary, isn't it?

The News of the World

2008-03-13T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, so what's been happening in the news of the world lately?

Well, if you watch any of the major media outlets, the only news lately is:

New York Governor spends gazillions on whores.
How does the resigning New York Governor who spent gazillions on whores affect the presidential race.

Wait a minute... nothing else happened in the whole entire world but this governor and whore business?

Oh, yes, of course, that's because all of the U.S. media outlets see the world like this:

Yep, as far as the major news outlets are concerned, New York is the ONLY important state there is in the whole world. Everything important happens in New York, and the rest of the U.S. is just... well, morons and not newsworthy.

Ok, back to the former governor that spent gazillions on whores, I'm really loving all of the airplay this "Kristen" is getting. I now know more about her than I do about my own mother. I've gotten to listen to her "rap" song, I know she was abused and moved around a lot, and I know she charged $4,000 and insisted that a rubber be used. WAAAAY too much information for someone that is nobody.

My most favorite quote from her is "I'm not a monster"... no, you're a whore and frankly I hope you sue me once you've made your book and movie deals and become horrendously and for no good reason rich beyond your 15 minutes of fame so I can say that I'm being sued by the whore that boned the pompous Governor of New York. I, unlike you, don't live in a swanky New York apartment that I can't afford and have no prospects of ever becoming as "famous" as you for the fleeting time you'll have fame and then delve into the wonderful world of reality tv shows on MTV or (heaven forbid) VH1.

Enjoy yourself "Kristen" its not going to last very long because the real people on Non-New York are already tired of hearing about it, and those media elitists are already getting weary of it as well.

Got a headache? Drink some water

2008-03-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

So, a report has come out that says that testing has revealed a regular pharmacy is perking right in our water system. Everything from pain relievers to sex drugs are ending up in our water thanks to our filtration systems.

Sure, those systems filter out the nastiest of the nasties, but they weren’t made to filter out the myriad of drugs we take in our lives and then pee into our very drinking water.

Ok, I’m not stupid, I KNOW where are drinking water comes from. I’m not silly to believe that a pristine waterfall of crystal clear water flows straight into my communities water tap, I do know that all sorts of ick is processed at the water filtration department, and that certain filters are applied to ensure that our drinking water isn’t entirely nasty (well, except the water in San Angelo, Texas did taste and smell like it came straight from a swimming pool), but I really don’t need the media showing a graphic that pretty much shows a cartoon toilet with a pipe going to water faucet. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more going on between the toilet and my water tap... at least I hope so.

All these years I’ve yelled at the dogs for drinking straight out of the toilet, perhaps I’ve been wrong. maybe I need to go apologize to my dogs. All these years they’ve been actually getting the good stuff and I’ve been drinking the pee of some old lady taking hormones.

I do wish that my neighbors would all take some better drugs though. Instead of sex hormones or aspirin, perhaps we can all get together for some nice Oxycotin or something that would make going to work a bit more bearable. Next time I have to take a piss test and pop for something strange, I’m blaming the water.

The World Is Insane

2008-03-07T16:49:00.000-08:00

Instead of ranting, tonight I direct you to another blog, where someone else has pointed out, with pictures, just how insane the world is.

Land of the free? I don’t think so.

Toughest job... really?

2008-03-04T16:05:00.000-08:00

What's all the Hoopla About?

2008-02-25T14:36:00.001-08:00

Ok, so apparently there is some kind of hoopla involved with a picture of Obama dressed in Somolia clothing that was taken while he was visiting there for some government thing.

In case you managed to miss this picture and the hoopla, I've linked it for your viewing enjoyment.

Ok, its a pretty silly looking outfit, but hey, I know that our government officials have to put up with some strange customs while visiting foreign nations, its called "DIPLOMACY". I'm not quite sure what emotions we're suppose to feel by seeing this picture, other than its sorta silly looking, but no sillier than seeing our current President doing the chicken dance in Africa recently.

Apparently the hoopla is coming from the Clinton camp, and they seem to be offended by the fact that here's Obama in this silly outfit and its not getting any press, but if Hillary were dressed up in something silly, it would be splashed all over the news and people would be making fun of her. Granted, if she were dressed in anything other than a subdued pants suit, we'd be shocked and talking (hey, Hillary, want some press, how about a pair of jeans, perhaps a tank top... ever hear of a thing called a dress?)

So, the Clinton camp is mad because Hillary isn't getting any press about wearing stupid things. Ok, that's a bit odd, but if that's what they want, then here is my artist representation of Hillary Clinton dressed as a squirrel. Now, I'm not saying she is a squirrel, nor has she ever dressed as a squirrel (to my knowledge) its just that I'm too lazy to google around and see if there are any pictures of her wearing something zany or crazy (other than a wacky colored pants suit), so this is what I imagine she would look like if she were to wear a squirrel costume.

There, I hope the Clinton campaign staff is happy now.

Another Weekly Rant Wrap Up

2008-02-22T07:31:00.000-08:00

A teacher has come forward to say that he was illiterate, cheated his way through high school and college, then lied and taught your children for 17 years, not knowing whether or not THEY could read when they graduated, but points the finger of blame at everyone but himself.

He knows how to read now, and has written several books and gets paid big bucks to go around and talk about how the system failed him. Gee, seems like he failed the system, and those 17 years of children he “taught”.

Castro says he’s not running for President anymore. Fox news has a live camera showing Little Havana’s response... or lack thereof actually. President Bush says that “We will help the Cuban people realize the blessing of liberty...” Um, so they’ll get to experience high taxes, controversial and corrupt elections, bloated government spending, corruption in the government, and the government spying on its own citizens, just like the U.S.?

Now that all smokers have been banned and locked into prison cells, banished from smoking in any covered building or within 500 miles of any covered building for that fact, we don’t have anyone to pick on. OH! Ok, from now on, we’re going to ban the obese from going into restaurants because people don’t make themselves fat, restaurants do, so we’re saving the fat people from fried foods.

A Showbiz Special Report documented why Hollywood actors dating hot women stars usually botched up those relationships (Think Devine Brown), and the reason for this, according to the report: Its the man’s fault. Here’s one not covered: The Hollywood actresses are all gigantic bitches? Naah!

This just in: 5 hours after Castro announced he was not running for President of Cuba again, CNN broke into their usual reporting to give us the BREAKING NEWS that Castro wasn’t running for President of Cuba again. Has the media lost all concept of “breaking news” and “this just in”?
This just in: Napolean was defeated at Waterloo, film after the break.

When the shuttle landed the other day, Fox puppetheads called it “Historic”. Why? Because it didn’t blow up?

By the way, carbs are now good for you, so eat all you want, as long as its cold carbs. Butter is still bad, but so is the fake butter stuff, and bacon gives you cancer.

Bravo on shooting down the spy satellite. Thanks for the footage too or else we wouldn’t have believed it. On second thought, how do we know that was the satellite... how do you know a missile was actually shot up into space. That did sorta look like a clip from a movie, now didn’t it. Hmmmm.

The question of the week is “Can Obama deliver on his message?” Um, why limit it to just Obama. History has shown that no candidate has EVER made good on his campaign promises, so why are we now asking about it after all these years?

Sharper Image and Lillian Vernon going bankrupt. Guess I won’t be able to flounce around in my old lady clothes while snorting Ionic Breeze fumes.

The New York Times Five Years Too Late

2008-02-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

I'm laughing at the hoopla caused by the "timely" New York Times "expose" that is all of... five years old regarding John McCain. Did it honestly take them that long to get the story "right" what with all of their un-named sources and details about what happened FIVE YEARS AGO. I almost wanted to ask if Dan Rather had joined the writers at the Times, as this story was about as pathetic as that smear thing he did on President Bush.

I'm a registered Democrat (this year) and I honestly have to say that I don't like John McCain, I respect him, respect the service he performed for our country during his military tours, the sacrifices he made for his country, but I just don't like him. Even though I don't like him, and won't vote for him in this election, I still have to throw the bullshit flag on that Times story. I mean, come on they really had to be reaching deep for any kind of muck on this guy and unfortunately those who should have been in charge didn't have the nads to stop it from being printed. Apparently some people had enough pride to quit outright over its printing (kudos for you, go find a nice reporting job for a local paper NOT in New York and find out what life is really like outside of that state and realize why we really hate New York media).

What's next from this "respected" newspaper. Here's what I predict:

"there's nothing the military can do to make the outcome worse."

2008-02-18T15:28:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else screaming in fear over this quote?

Yes, that’s NASA Administrator Michael Griffin’s opinion of the Navy shooting down a wayward, and quickly falling, potentially dangerous, could kill a lot of people, spy satellite.

Let us all back up a bit to last week, when the Government announced that a spy satellite was falling to the earth... no big deal, don’t worry about it, stuff falls from space all the time.

Then it was: Ok, so there’s some toxic liquid on this particular bus-sized spy satellite that is hurtling its way to the earth and we’re not quite sure where its gonna land, but don’t worry, that toxic liquid stuff will more than likely just burn up in the atmosphere when it comes down, no biggie, everything is fine.

Now its: Ok, so the Navy is going to try shooting the satellite down because that liquid on it... well, its sorta really poisonous and we’re afraid that it’ll kill everyone in a region the size of two football fields, although we’re not quite sure where that region is, since we have absolutely no control over where it lands, so we’ll shoot it down and be done with it.

That’s where we are now, with Mr. Griffin’s quote: “...there’s nothing the military can do to make the outcome worse.” Which begs the question: “What do you mean... worse?”

Coming from a military background, and coming from a contractor background, and coming from a tv and movie viewing background, I can assure you that things can get a WHOLE lot worse.

Scenario 1: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the rocket malfunctions and explodes in China, who then shoots off their missiles at us, full scale war, and the stupid satellite falls harmlessly into the ocean.

Scenario 2: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, it hits the satellite and explodes it... causes its toxic payload to spread throughout the entire atmosphere and kills everyone on the earth except cockroaches.

Scenario 3: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite is stronger than first thought, the rocket ricochets and hits the space station, which then falls and squishes all of Nebraska. Nebraska declares war on the U.S.

Scenario 4: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite explodes and everything seems ok until the toxic fumes from the explosion and fuel cause humans to mutate into giant mosquito-people (hey, its happened once already, haven’t you seen Mansquito?).

Yeah, so there you go Mr. Smartypants NASA guy, there are at least 4 scenarios where the Navy can make the outcome worse. Oh, here’s one more actually:

Scenario 5: The Navy tries twice and can’t hit the broadside of a barn, the stupid thing falls harmlessly into the ocean, but we are now the laughing stock of all nations, a government inquiry takes places and all government contractors are recognized as the worthless leeches that they are, they are all fired and nothing gets done because the government has relied so much on contractors for years that nobody knows how to even make coffee, and Canada easily defeats us in a war where no bullets are fired because a contractor had the key to the armory and didn’t give it back.

Well, at least we’d finally get free healthcare... eh?

How To Wash A Bra

2008-02-17T15:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, you’ve got to be kidding me, but someone actually did a WikiHow on how to wash a bra, complete with pictures.

I had to check it out, after all it was a link on my google home page and I was bored. Perhaps all these years I’ve been washing my bras wrong, so I figured that I needed to find out the “right” way. I mean there must be more to it than taking bra off, tossing bra into washing machine, taking wet clean bra out of washing machine and throw into dryer. Untangle bra from other items, toss now clean bra into drawer.

Sure enough, the writer of this “how to” suggests all sorts of preparation before the bra even goes into the washer, and even a special bag to put the bra into! Wow, the pictures are very informational and educational too. What cracked me up was the whole inference that if you didn’t have a lingerie bag to put your bras into, then you were forbidden or somewhat insane to actually wash them with other items just by themselves, all free and wild. How many people wasted an entire washer load on just one or two bras for a lack of lingerie bag? Of course they suggest that a pillow case will do in a pinch.

I’ve only had ONE unfortunate bra incident where my favorite green bra became trapped in my mother’s crappy dryer which happened to be falling apart. Lucky for her, the bra died a horrible death so that she could dry her clothes without having a green bra flopping around stuck in the door for the rest of the dryer’s life.

Of course, this doesn’t compare at all to the common sense approach of “How to Dry Pantyhose in a hurry” instructions. This set of instructions assumes that everyone in the world is in possession of a salad spinner.

Not that spinning your pantyhose in the salad spinner is insane enough, the instructions continue by saying: “Hang over towel rack and dry with a hair dryer - warm to cool heat. This should take no more than 5 minutes. Clean your teeth and do your hair at the same time.” Call me silly, but one hand on the hair dryer, the other hand brushing your teeth leaves you with not enough hands to do your hair. I frankly don’t know how nasty a set of pantyhose can get where you couldn’t put them on dirty in a pinch... unless you crapped in them, or course.

I would assume that the Wiki people would at least try to weed out those that had no common sense from posting “how to” guides, but apparently not. Well, I have to go run out and get a damn salad spinner in case I ever need to quickly dry my pantyhose and while I’m there, I’ll get me some lingerie bags to wash my thousands of bras.

Stupid Things Newscasters Say

2008-02-16T16:31:00.000-08:00

In regard to the psychiatrist who was brutally attacked by a man with knives:

“You don’t hear every day of a meat cleaver killing”.

One newscasters comment over footage of Bono signing at Tom Lantos’ funeral:

“Its not every day that you are serenaded live by Bono”.

"We now go live to one of our correspondents who is embedded in the Clinton campaign".

Embedded in a campaign? Ok, sure, they "embedded" reporters inside of military units during the first days of the invasion of Iraq, giving us a first person view from the front lines of what its like for our soldiers as they go into battle.

but "embedding" a reporter in a political campaign?

It Happens to Females

2008-02-13T15:43:00.000-08:00

While some might find this entry a bit too “TMI” I feel strongly that women really need to be honest about the crap that goes on with their bodies. Seriously, I mean for the longest time I thought I was some kind of freak because I had one single hair growing out of control on my chin. I went through life for the longest time thinking that I was carnival freak show potential, only to find out later from some kind woman friend of mine that chin hairs do happen, as do chest hairs, nipple hairs, you name it hairs in strange places.

In the spirit of disclosure, and to ease the minds of other women, I’d like to discuss feminine itch.

Ok, I’m not really going to go into great detail about the actual feminine itch, more like what you do to get rid of it. Like most products that tailor their names to the malady such as: Tylenol, Motrin, Pepcid... hmm, wait a minute, you would think that these products would be called something like “head hurts be gone” or “stop the head throbbin” or “no more burning chest after you eat”, because why else would a product for feminine itch be called VAGISIL. Even hemorrhoid medication is subtly named “Preparation H”. Sure, it now has a reputation and is KNOWN, but its certainly not flying off the shelf as “open sores up your ass”.

Ok, so lets just say that you were newly born and working a cash register at your local drug store. Even with no knowledge of the world, you would still probably guess that something called Vagisil had something to do with a VAGINA. Why would you guess this? Well probably because the brightly colored box also explains in big letters that its for UNCOMFORTABLE VAGINAL ITCHING.

Now that its all spelled out for everyone to see (from at least 100 feet away), there’s the whole, taking it off the shelf, semi-concealing it without looking as though you are going to shoplift it, stand in line with it, and pay for it. If you are lucky (like me) you’ll get a nice, young, handsome looking young man at the register. There’s no amount of “so... how’s the weather?” banter that will stop him from seeing what you are purchasing... processing what you are purchasing... wondering just what it is that causes you to buy something like this, and will certainly remember you for the rest of your shopping life and no matter what you buy that little bell in his head will ring: vaginal itch.

Even though its one little cardboard box containing a tube, when asked if you want a bag for it, you almost scream YES, for you certainly would not go wandering out of the drug store with it held in your hand, perhaps waving it over your head for everyone to see, proudly proclaiming your soon to be domination over the vaginal itch. No, you WANT a bag, and frankly what with the diaphanous white bags used in most stores, you almost want to insist on double bagging your purchase, but refrain.

As you leave, you are convinced that everyone in line with you, the cashier, and soon all of the workers of the drug store will be dutifully informed of your purchase. You are also quite sure that every one you walk past can see through the bag, even though you’ve gone to great lengths to wrap it around the cardboard box and hold your hand in such a way as to conceal the wording as best as you can without looking like an eagle swooping off with a freshly killed mouse in its talons.

Now, let me mention the “odor blocking formula”. It has a very distinct perfume about it. Its so distinct that if you’ve ever used it, or smelled it, if you smell it again, then you know that whoever reeks of it is using it. This defeats the entire purpose of having any sort of “odor blocking formula” in my opinion. If you are trying to mask a foul discharge that is common during “vaginal itch”, then that’s fine, but don’t mask it with something that identifies it as the treatment to that issue. You will either smell like a person with a problem, or you will smell like a person that is treating that problem, either way, EVERYONE knows! How about using something like “coffee”, or “chocolate” to mask the smell. Make it an every day odor that can’t be identified. Something that doesn’t scream out VAGINAL ITCH CREAM IN USE HERE!

In closing, I have to applaud the makers of Vagisil from trying to provide young girls with information about this most unpleasant experience. I know that as a young girl, I wasn’t too keen on approaching my mother and asking her any questions in that regard. Kids growing up now are so lucky that they can google just about anything and find out instead of worrying. I do wonder though... did the chick posing on their Web site as “Sabrina” know that her photo shoot gig was to be the poster girl for hip vaginal itch information?

I Vote

2008-02-12T16:31:00.000-08:00

Today is the Potomac Primary, the Potomac Push, the Chesapeake Chase, the ... Gawd I hate the stupid media that has to name everything, and make it snappy too.

Yeah, I live in the Potomac Primary area so it was my turn to vote. I was disappointed that there were no cameras and slicked up media “reporters” waiting to hear my opinion of the voting process as I left the voting area (also known as a school). My tax dollars hard at work, children getting a day off just so we can vote, how nice.

So yes, it was time for me to vote, and frankly, I’m still trying to get over Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she loaned her campaign 5 MILLION dollars.

FIVE MILLION DOLLARS??

If I was squirted out of the womb making exactly what I make now, I would have to work for over 100 years in order to make 5 million dollars. She just writes a check and plops it down and thinks nothing of it apparently. Just when I think that will make my head explode, she then goes on to wistfully say that her campaign managed to recoup that FIVE MILLION DOLLARS in just one day.

I can’t even begin to imagine getting that much money in one day. Jerry Lewis has to get a zillion actors and disabled people begging overnight on his telethon to even come close to that amount, and yet people just pay that to help someone with a campaign.

FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.

Wouldn’t FIVE MILLION DOLLARS be better spent on social programs, charities, maybe buying gas cards for the volunteers that drive food for the Meals on Wheels program? How about giving some of that money to people who want to start small businesses, or to renovate a poor neighborhood, or build some houses in Hurricane Katrina stricken neighborhoods (because I hear that isn’t happening for some reason yet).

How can someone simply plop down 5 million dollars and then tell me that they know what this country needs? How can someone that thinks nothing of spending 5 million dollars on commercials, flyers, ads, posters, placards, and telemarketers, know what its like to walk in my shoes, or in the shoes of people who can’t afford shoes? How can she even begin to know what its like to eat spaghetti with no sauce because you’ve lost your job, or to make the decision between keeping warm or losing your car when you only have enough money to pay one or the other.

So, with that in mind, I go to the polls to vote on who my candidate of choice will be. Granted, the media is all up in arms, telling their viewers that the Potomac Push is going to be the deciding factor of this election... except for that other election stuff next week and next month, because that will be the clincher actually, did we say this election, no, we meant the other ones, yeah. So with the words of Jonathon Martin of politico.com “Nothing succeeds like success”, ringing in my head, which makes about as much sense as “everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it” I go get my little electronic card thing and do the vote-o-rama.

Its at this point that I hear that Hillary, even before I cast my vote, has bailed and run off to some other state that is voting next week. What? She couldn’t even pretend to bother hanging around until this election is over, she’s off to suck up to the next state.

Damn, that’s rude... Obama it is then. Ok, it always was Obama, but if anyone asks why, I have five million reasons.

Fake Sugar Makes You Fat

2008-02-11T14:31:00.000-08:00

This just in: a recent test has shown that artificial sweetners make you fat.

How do we know this? Well, scientists fed rats stuff with artificial sweetner in it instead of real sugar, and the rats ate like pigs and gained a bunch of weight. Apparently the body craves sugar, and if the body doesn’t get sugar, it tells you to eat until you get enough sugar, except artificial sweetners don’t contain sugar so you keep eating, unsatisfied and a humungous wide-load before you know it.

Well, at least the rats did that, who knows about humans, but seeing how artificial sweetners have been out for quite some time, and the obesity levels are just going through the roof (or through the floor, get it... heavy, break through the floor... its a joke), I’m guessing that artificial sweetners don’t work the way they planned them to work.

Oh yeah, commercials saying you should use them instead of sugar because sugar not only rots your teeth but puts on the pounds, so eat our artificial junk. Except you don’t get any satisfaction from the sugar free ho-ho so you have to eat the entire box of sugar free ho-hos.

Of course the artificial sweetner people are all up in arms about this study. They claim that since it was conducted on rats, that nobody should believe this trumped up, stupid report, after all, humans aren’t rats. Perhaps rats have this gene that makes them crave more food when they eat artificial sweetners and that caused them to get fat. Or for all we know, perhaps these rats were just genetically predisposed to fat.

Um, the only problem with saying that the rat study isn’t valid is... didn’t the artificial sweetner companies say a long time ago when they introduced their artificial sweetner that their research data said that rats were perfectly healthy and fine eating the artificial sweetner and so should you humans.

Hmmm.

Pimp My Chelsea

2008-02-10T14:13:00.000-08:00

I’m in my mid-forties and have found myself saying more and more (just like my parents): “I just don’t get these kids and their tv shows, music, humor, etc.”

A younger friend of mine sent me a MySpace joke. I didn’t get it. I don’t understand MySpace, it makes no sense to me, but apparently everyone else in the world (younger than I) flock to it and live by it. I don’t get it.

Seeing how I’m desperately clinging to the now and the future while trying not to fall into that “oh, look... the tragic old lady trying to be hip” stage, I knew what they meant when the media said that the Clintons were pimping their daughter Chelsea.

Frankly, I think its about time. That poor girl should have some sort of consultation done years ago. She could use some more fall colors to bring out the tones of her skin, and that hair, ok, I’m a redhead and yes, there are issues with red hair, but they can be overcome with a good styling and some conditioners and leave on gels!

I think the frumpy long skirts in dark colors, and the oversized sweaters definitely show a lack of self esteem, most probably due to her parents being in the limelight, and the pressure she undoubtedly felt being a “good girl” because others before (and after) her were a bit of the hell raisers and trouble makers.

Oh wait a minute... they meant pimping like the world’s oldest profession pimping and not the pimp my ride make over thing?

Sonofa... I just don’t get these kids and their tv shows....

Delegate Segregation

2008-02-09T15:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I got my specimen ballot for Tuesday’s election.

I live in Maryland, and my turn to contribute to the whole electoral process happens this Tuesday... can’t wait, very excited, pinch me, whoot.

Ok, I could care less... I couldn’t care less... I don’t care really. As far as I’m concerned we’re all doomed, doomed I tell you, the earth is in the handbasket, hurtling its way to hell and its just a matter of time, but frankly its not happening fast enough as I don’t want to go to work this weekend, please, please I’d like a nice catastrophe right about now.

Oh, where was I?

Oh yes, I get my official Specimen Ballot and I noticed something a bit odd. The male and female delegates are separated.

My ballot has a column for Female delegates, and I’m instructed to vote for no more than four female delegates, and my ballot has a column for male delegates and I’m instructed to vote for no more than three male delegates.

Um, wait a minute.

Why is my ballot segregated? Why am I to vote for more female than male delegates? Why isn’t there one long list of all delegates and I’m instructed to vote for no more than 7 delegates? Why???

Oh, excuse me, I have to go get a paper towel as my head has exploded all over the table and on my segregated specimen ballot.

Meeting Planning By Idiots

2008-02-04T16:39:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, shortly before lunch, I get an e-mail forwarded to me. I don’t know if you’ve ever been included in an e-mail that seems to have been bantered back and forth by several people for several days, yet the person forwarding you the e-mail only provides you with the last two parts of the e-mail, which is like coming into a movie half-way and then being quizzed on the first half.

The e-mail simply said: “We need to meet”. It was forwarded to me, and 5 other people, only one of whom I actually knew.

There was nothing in that simple incomplete sentence “We need to meet” that told me why we needed to meet, or when we needed to meet, or where we needed to meet. There was nothing in the two other parts of the forwarded e-mail that suggested any of these things, except that one of the people that hadn’t been on the forwarding list couldn’t make this meeting (whenever, wherever, for whatever reason).

I respond by simply saying “Why are we meeting, when are we meeting, and where are we meeting?”

Three simple questions that should have been included in the original forwarded e-mail. Frankly I think its incredibly rude for someone to just demand that “we” meet without including specifics.

The response came back: Is there a room available to meet?

While I’m sure this question wasn’t directed at me since I had admitted complete ignorance regarding this meeting, the fact that no additional information had been provided was causing my brain to bubble somewhat.

Someone responded back that there were no rooms available at his office, but perhaps there was one available at the office where I worked.

Um, excuse me, I’m pretty sure that I asked for some clarification on this whole meeting thing, so I couldn’t very well even venture to guess as to the availability of a room. Realizing the whole futility of this exercise of stupidity, I went to lunch. Upon my return someone responded that a room was available over lunch the next day. Oh, great, so I have a day and a time at least... except I’m not giving up my lunch hour to sit in a meeting that I really had no idea the subject of said meeting.

I responded promptly with the contractor’s all purpose excuse: “Unless I am told the purpose of this meeting, I will be unable to attend as I do not know if it falls within the scope of my contract”. This is actually a very valid reason not to venture into just any ol’ meeting, as my contract specifically states what I can and can’t do, and wandering into a meeting that has nothing to do with what I’m suppose to be working on is grounds for death in the contractor world. Ok, not death, but losing your contract and perhaps your firm losing the entire contract due to impropriety is pretty much the same as death.

Amazingly enough, there were no further responses, explanations or additional e-mails regarding this meeting for the rest of the day. I fully expect to come in tomorrow morning and find more chatter about the meeting, and how it was now scheduled at the most inconvenient time, place, and venue and that I would be required to attend.

If that’s the case, I’m calling in with a flesh eating bacteria issue.

Super Bowl Sunday

2008-02-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

The hubby and I have big plans for the super bowl: nothing.

We didn’t invite anyone over (mainly because furniture isn’t a big priority in our house, and the decent tv is in our bedroom and frankly inviting people over to watch tv in your bedroom is a bit too weird even for us).

We aren’t even planning on watching the game. The game is more for Tivo, where we fast forward to the commercials, watch those, critique them, then fast forward to the end of the game so we know who won and won’t look like total losers the next day when all productivity of the world comes to a screeching halt while everyone discusses the stupid game and yet gets paid for a day’s productivity.

Despite the fact that we didn’t invite anyone over, and aren’t big football fans, we feel compelled to eat wings today. Seeing how we’re very good at planning, we didn’t buy any wings to eat today. Seeing how its Superbowl sunday (an hour before the game starts... at least I think it starts at 6pm, I don’t know) we probably won’t be able to order any and get them delivered until next week. Pizza is probably out as well. We’ve considered getting curbside take away from Outback, but it would seem a shame to just order wings from Outback so we’d be compelled to order a nice cut of prime rib (each) and what’s prime rib without a lobster tail, baked potato, salad, an appetizer of some kind and oh yeah, those sauteed mushrooms they have. Yum.

We’ve both admitted that neither of us is very hungry to begin with, but as we’ve both stopped smoking, we’ve started what is considered to be a typical stop smoking coping mechanism: stuffing anything into your mouth even if you aren’t hungry. Good for us that we’ll be able to breathe clearly and won’t suffer from some horrible type of cancer as we balloon fatter and fatter until we’re taken out of our house by a crane and embraced by Richard Simmons. Yes, so much better than smoking. Note to self: don’t watch any show that depicts recovering drug addicts or alcoholics, as they turn to chain smoking as their coping mechanism. Makes me want to start a nice crack addiction so that people will look at me while I chainsmoke and tell me how brave I am for quitting that horrible crack, instead of berating me for being a horrible, stinky smoker.

Have I mentioned that since quitting and since my tubal ligation, my face has broken out like a 16 year old’s? What the fuck is up with that? Not that I’m bitter about anything today.

Weekly Rant About Everything

2008-01-30T16:22:00.000-08:00

I swear that Ted Kennedy said “Ameriker” during his speech saying he supported Obama. Ameriker? eesh.

If the government can send out checks to a majority of its citizens to stimulate the economy... then why are we paying taxes this year? Why don’t they just say “hey, all of you that owe the IRS money, just forget about it this year and spend that money on silly things to help the economy”.

I would like to volunteer my house as the spot for that spy satellite to fall. Although they say they can’t control it and all that, I still want to offer my house as its final landing spot, knowing that it will most likely destroy my home and contaminate the land. You see, I’d really like to move to Portland, OR, but the mere thought of packing up the worthless crap in my house, and then having to replace carpets and fix broken junk then try to sell it in this totally fucked up economy is more to bear. If a nice big spy satellite crashed down on the house and destroys it, I can just pack my dogs in my truck and drive west. Please, crash on my house.

Whenever I see a commercial for Scottrade I always think of pest control or lawn care. I don’t know why, but I think they should know that their brand name doesn’t generate the whole “trusted broker” image they probably spent zillions to create. I would also point out to them that I certainly wouldn’t trust a broker that had enough money to flit around in a helicopter sounding really pompous.

I’m very disappointed that yet another “As Seen on TV” product is a piece of crap. I had high hopes for the Tater Mitts, but after doing some extensive googling, I found that others have purchased them (thus saving me $19.99) and what they don’t tell you about the amazing “peels a potato in 8 seconds” gloves is that you actually have to par boil the potato first. Well duh! If you par boil it first you can literally scrape the skin off with a fingernail, so why do I need ugly rubber mitts? So disappointing, and yet I have to admire the people that come up with this crap and sell it by the zillions. Of course, leaving that whole “par boil” part out of the info-mercial could be seen as a bit of false advertising.

I saw something on CNN or one of those networks that said that cockroaches can’t back up, so that’s why a lot of doctors find them in people’s ears. EEEEEEUUUUUUWWWWWW. Ok, that would explain why you hear of cockroaches being found in people’s ears, as oppose to other bugs who are apparently born with a reverse. That’s nasty. I guess in the grand scheme of things, if you get a cockroach trapped in the dead end of a one way road, you are good to go for squishing.

Vitamin water is foul. Sorry, but it is, don’t fall for it and buy it, it sucks.

The Hollywood reporters were going on and on about Heath Ledger’s “Mysterious Death”. They were totally puzzled over how he could possibly die, its such a mystery! Um, the guy had a few dozen bottles of prescription narcotics, sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, etc in his apartment. What is so hard about understanding that he takes too many, or takes them in a bad combination and croaks. This is a mystery?

Apparently if you are 44 years old, you are in the height of depression, that’s the age of most depression. Once again, the medical people on tv are puzzled as to why 44 year olds are depressed. Gee, being that I’m 44, here’s a little hint:
1.) I’ve realized that I’m trapped in a shitty profession, shitty job, shitty state and will never escape this shit.
2.) Although I’d love to be a freelance writer and write funny things and get paid for it, when I put out my resume which says that for a gazillion years I’ve done nothing but write boring, slit your throat before you can finish technical documents, users guides, admin guides and certification documentation, all I get are job offers to do that same crap for different companies for the same clients I’m working for now. Gee, don’t know why I’m depressed.
3.) When trying to move into a new form of work, I’m told that when a spot opens I’ll get moved there so I can learn it, except they always hire someone from outside the company and I never get a chance to do that fun thing because I’m not experienced, nor will I ever be at the rate they’re going... don’t know why I’m depressed at work.
4.) I still have THIRTY FUCKING YEARS of work before I can retire, and even then, Social Security will be drained and I’ll probably die of old age at my job because I can’t afford to retire.
5.) The idea of following your dream has been beaten dead by bills, taxes, responsibilities, and rich asshats that steal your ideas and become rich while you drown in a sea of corporate america and managers who can’t spell but like to suggest you change a sentence to have more of a “security flavor”.
6.) The company I work for is probably going to get sold and who knows where those 8 years of my life will go, it certainly won’t be retirement as I’m sure I’ll be let go so they can dissolve the company and sell off its assets... can’t wait for that one actually, I’ve never been fired, at least I can call it a first for me, then I can go get a job with another firm doing the same shit I hate doing now YIPPEEE LIFE IS GREAT!

Thus ends my weekly rant.

The Price of Life

2008-01-27T05:14:00.000-08:00

A man has died.

It happens a lot, every day, a lot of people die here in the United States. Some go totally unnoticed and those MAY make the gruesome headlines (dead man lay in home for months before being discovered), but for the most part, local newspapers carry their obituaries. Homemakers, businessmen, factory workers, cashiers at the local Piggly Wiggly. They lived, they died, they are buried, all anonymously except for the few that loved them, the few in their community whose lives were touched by their presence.

A man was found dead in his apartment and for the past week that’s all we’ve heard about. Why is he so special? Did he solve a horrible killer disease? Did he give money and time to help the poor and downtrodden? Was he a doctor that saved lives? Was he a scientist that built better things for the world? Was he a policeman that saved and protected the community around him? A fireman?

Oh no, he was an actor. He pretended to be something he wasn’t in front of a camera, and was paid large amounts of money to entertain people. He was followed by camera people, his photos splashed in magazines, he was idolized and worshipped, people bought the same clothes that he wore, they wanted the same jewelry and watches that he wore simply because he wore them. He was honored and feted, and wined and dined, and given just about anything he wanted, simply because he could pretend to be something that he wasn’t in a film. He was said to be handsome, dashing, and charming. People idolized him, and yet he really didn’t “do” anything except entertain people.

Throughout our lives we are touched by those invisible people that do things to make our lives better, easier, and enjoyable. Someone takes away our smelly, filthy garbage. Somehow when we turn on a faucet, we get water, either hot or cold, and we don’t question why or where it comes from. We flush a stool and our filth is eliminated and our houses don’t reek. Someone stocks the shelves with food, someone actually makes our food, our clothes, our shoes. We drive in cars and trucks that are made by someone. We get sick and go to doctors who make us well, operate on us to make us well.

If those people stopped what they were doing, our society would quickly fall apart. If actors stopped entertaining, we’d get bored quickly, but as an imaginative people, we would come up with something else to entertain ourselves with. Perhaps we would look at our real world and recognize those who truly contribute to our society and make it work, not those who pretend to be something they aren’t. Perhaps a man that picked up our garbage every day for all of his life would get front page recognition when he passed, not a stranger who most likely wouldn’t pick up a fallen candy wrapper, nor give us the time of day if we met on the street by accident.

An actor has died... no loss to society.

Fit To Be Tied

2008-01-25T04:06:00.000-08:00

I haven’t ranted in a while mainly because I’ve been lounging and enjoying the high of some good pain pills.

On Wednesday, in an outpatient procedure, I had my tubes tied. Tubal Ligation is the official name for it, there are other more complicated names for the exact procedure of using little bands to tie off the tubes, which will then grow some scar tissue and ensure that I am sterile and cannot breed.

I didn’t want to jump for joy and gloat about having the procedure done prior to having the procedure done as a sort of don’t jinx a good thing. As it is a surgical procedure you do have to go through a physical and get some blood work done and I didn’t want anything to come back and deny me the opportunity of not taking birth control or worrying about getting pregnant.

For those of you interested in what the procedure entails, I will detail it for you here. In another blog entry I will detail the years of asking and the bias/caution of doctors in performing this procedure on young women. For now, I give you the full details of Tubal Ligation (as it happened to me).

After taking Depo Provera shots for 10 years (they only recommend 4 years max) my doctor was a bit... leery about giving me more refills and recommended seeing a gynecologist, which I did. Very nice guy. We discussed the fact that after 20 years I recently quit smoking, and had been on depo for 10 years, etc. He suggested that my next form of birth control be the IUD.

The mere mention of that word: IUD made me hiss and cringe in my chair. I had heard horror stories of this evil device, implanted who knows where in your feminine regions only to either migrate into your brain and kill you instantly, or without notice, burst from your abdomen during an important business meeting like something out of Alien. I meekly asked “Can’t you just tie my tubes?” and my wonderful new OB GYN said.... “When do you want it done?” I cried from happiness.

You’ll first need to make an appointment with your regular doctor to make sure that you are sane, want your tubes tied, and are healthy enough to undergo the procedure. Ok, they actually just make sure that you are healthy enough, but there are questions, and they make sure you know that tube tying is permanent. No changing your mind, this is it, are you sure? Hell yes.

You’ll need to get some blood work taken to make sure you can stand the anesthesia. Even though it is an outpatient procedure and a pretty quick one at that, you will be knocked out for it, as the doctor really doesn’t want you squirming around as he’s putting bands on your tubes to tie them off.

The day of the procedure, no food or water (which does include NO COFFEE) after midnight the night of the procedure, which makes for a very cranky person, especially when the admitting nurse is sipping on a starbucks while she types in your information.

You go to the prep area and put all of your clothes in the handy plastic bag and put on the stylish gowns with one tie strap and the very comfy no slip socks. I had to pee in a cup to make sure that I wasn’t pregnant prior to the procedure, then I lay on a gurney while they put in my IV. I love the fact that they actually warm blankets in a little blanket warmer and put them on you while you wait for the conga line of anesthesiologists and doctors to come in and have you sign forms that say if you die its not their fault.

My doctor comes in and lets me know the entire procedure will take all of 15 minutes. They will punch a hole in my belly button, put some gas in the cavity to poof it up so they can work, they’ll tie the tubes, which will require them to manipulate my innards a bit so they can get to the tubes, which means I’ll have a little vaginal bleeding and that’s normal. After that, its some pain pills to go home, wake up from the anesthesia and out the door I go with a few days of rest, I’ll be good as new.

True to their word, after getting wheeled into the OR, I recall moving to the surgical platform thing, looking around and zonk, I was out, next thing I know I’m in the recovery room. I drank some water, got my head clear, got some coffee, layed around some more, then they asked if I had to pee, I thought I could, it took longer than I thought but I managed, got dressed, hopped into a wheelchair and out the door I went. Got the hospital at 7:30, left at 11:30am.

I spent the rest of the day in bed sleeping and trying to find a more comfy position. My hubby went to the pharmacy and picked up my pain pills which was either 600mg Ibuprofen or Oxycoden. Hmmm, give me the good stuff please. I felt SO much better after taking one of those beauties.

Day two I had more pain from a stupid migraine headache than I did from the procedure and spent the day in bed wishing someone would cut my head off until I took an Oxycoden and lapsed into a coma.

Day three isn’t too bad. I’m sitting up at my desk typing this. Climbing stairs is a bit painful, leaning over is painful, and I find that I’m tensing up which makes things painful instead of just relaxing. I haven’t taken any pills yet, I’m saving them for a nice mid afternoon nap. My dogs are being nice (so far) and haven’t tried to jump on me or do something painful. I’d say that by tomorrow I’ll be out driving and walking around, and surely by Monday its back to work for me with only (I’m guessing) a bit of discomfort.

Overall, a very nice procedure, no scarring and best of all, no kids, no birth control. I like that.

Cult of Purse-onality

2008-01-20T13:05:00.000-08:00

I’ve never been a big fan of purses. I actually never carried one until after I got out of the Air Force and much of that was due to getting married and finding that part of marriage meant carrying your spouse’s crap.

Back when I was growing up, carrying a purse meant only one thing: you got your period. I didn’t have the luxury of having little tampon or miniscule little pads with wings like the kids nowadays have. No, back in my day we were still saddled (literally) with those honking HUGE pads that required belts. Yes, BELTS! Look at that crap, that’s what we had to wear. Hard to feel girly and feminine about your period when you’re sporting one of those, eh?

The stigma of period and purse lasted a long time with me. That day I showed up carrying a bag and was teased by everyone knowing I was “on the rag, riding the cotton pony” all of those fabulously, wonderful ways of saying menstruation pretty much soiled the carrying of a purse for me well until my 20’s. I actually have to say that it continues to this day, but to a lesser degree.

In the Air Force I carried a wallet, I’m sure cementing the concept in my friends and co-worker’s minds that I was a lesbian. No, I just couldn’t stomach carrying the black, old woman-like purses that were the ONLY purses allowed to be carried by female military members. Even though everyone had the same purse, I just couldn’t bring myself to carry one and frankly I didn’t wear make-up, or carry a hair brush, or any of the other feminine accoutrement so why bother carrying a purse.

Upon leaving the Air Force and getting married, the “can you hold my wallet” responsibility of marriage forced me to carry something, and fortunately for me the fanny pack was stylish at the time, so I got away with that instead of a bag. After that became the joke of dweebs, I was forced to find purses that weren’t really purses but would carry all of the crap that eventually I would tote around with me for some odd reason.

Civilian life soon begat credit cards, ATM cards, ID, driver’s license, store cards, insurance cards, check book, and my tiny wallet was forced into retirement and here comes a regular sized wallet. If you have a check book, you’ll need a pen, if you have hair you need a hair brush, if you have sinus issues, you’ll want to carry OTC drugs, if you have a car you’ll have the vast array of keys, door openers, alarm system clickers, lojack fobs. Gone are the days when you slide the driver’s license, some money, and one key into your pocket and you were good to go.

Then came the PDA, the cell phone, now the PDA/Cell phone and MP3 player, and finally the iPhone, headphones, my sketchpad, various and sundry bits of papers that I need for some odd reason and finally I gave up and decided that I needed to carry a bag... but I refuse to call it a purse and it can’t look like a purse.

I’ve gone from someone who loathed and refused to carry a purse to a purse-a-holic, someone desperately trying to find the perfect purse that isn’t a purse. Tote bags, messenger bags, back packs, shoulder bags, hobo bags, metro bags, drawstring bags, furry little bags, you name it, I’ve bought it and my closet is crammed full of them. I buy them thinking that “this is it” only to hate it within a week and throwing it into a closet, giving it to friends, donating it to charity, then regretting its loss when I think that it wasn’t that bad and I shouldn’t have gotten rid of it.

I go from shoulder bags, to messenger bags, to smaller messenger bags, to bigger messenger bags, to shoulder bags, to smaller shoulder bags, then back to messenger bags. Its never the right size, never has the right amount of pockets, never has the pockets where I want them, doesn’t hang on my shoulder right, the strap is too long, the strap is too short, the strap is too narrow, the strap is too wide, it clings to the fabric of my clothes, it collects too much hair, its not a good color, if only.

Its difficult to get into, it fell off my shoulder and knocked my latte over therefore it got thrown away, the strap won’t shut right, its too stiff, its too flimsy, I can’t find anything, why are there so many compartments, why can’t anyone make the perfect bag?

I found a drawstring bag that I absolutely love and its only $750. That’s when I knew I was in trouble, and at least I knew that had I bought the bag, I would have still hated it within a week and regretted spending that much money on it, but I would be stuck with it, no way would I get rid of anything that expensive, I would have suffered with it. Maybe that’s the way to do it, shame myself into a bag that I’ll keep no matter how much I hate it, just use it because its so damn expensive.

I opted for a much cheaper drawstring sack like thing that in no way resembles a purse. It annoys me in some ways, but that’s it. I quit smoking, I can quit buying purses... unless that cool $750 bag goes on sale.

Not In My House

2008-01-15T17:24:00.000-08:00

Apparently the state of California feels that if they need to cut back on electricity during critical times, they can just reach into your home and turn your thermostat to whatever they want. All in the name of saving power, thus saving the earth, an electrical company (remember, the ones like Enron) so concerned with saving electricity, which is apparently rare, that it wants everyone to install thermostats into their homes that will allow them to control the temperature in your house as they see fit for the betterment of mankind.

Yeah, FUCK YOURSELF!

Screw mankind, I want my house whatever temperature I put my damn thermostat at, I pay the freakin bills, you generate electricity and I’ll be damned if I’m paying for electricity only to have you turning down the heat and freezing my ass in the winter or roasting my ass (and expensive electronic gear) in the summer, and frankly if I’m paying for it then I’ll damn sure sit around with it on so fucking cold the inside of my windows freeze up, I don’t fucking care about the rest of the world!

You give me free power, then by all means just do whatever the hell you want, give me what you want, after all, its free. But no, I’m paying the bill so I’ll put my thermostat wherever the fuck I want it and no I’m not giving anyone the ability to control it other than me, I don’t care what Big Brother fucking law they pass.

The article states: “The fact that similar radio-controlled technologies have been used on a voluntary basis in irrigation systems on farm fields and golf courses and in limited programs for buildings on Long Island is seldom mentioned in Internet postings that make liberal use of references of George Orwell’s dystopian novel “1984” and “Big Brother,” the omnipresent voice of Orwell’s police state.”

Ok, there I mentioned the golf courses and irrigation systems, fine, go control those, but stay the fuck out of my house. How can you not get that a golf course is not someone’s home, a place that someone has PAID for, PAYS taxes for, WORKS their ass off for, and LIVES in, and I’ll be damned if I bust my ass in a horrible, boring, unsatisfying asshat job only to have someone else determine what fucking temperature my house will be!!!!!!

How about you put those controls in all those expensive fancy government buildings that I drive by in the middle of the night with all their fucking lights on and turn their shit off? I don’t have a problem with you making a government person’s office building 10 degrees hotter in the summer or colder in the winter, go ahead and see how happy that state senator or delegate is and see how well that flies you control freak bastards. Bite me!

Not that I feel strongly about this subject or anything.

Why Do We Need This?

2008-01-14T15:02:00.000-08:00

I thought it was a joke actually. No, seriously, when I heard a commercial for it on the radio, I started laughing because it was just such a totally goofy thing and had to be a joke... but apparently its not, as I witnessed last night when I watched it.

Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles

No, I’m not joking either. Its true, there’s an actual show. Why? that’s the big question.

Am I more worried that there is such a show, or that people have blogs and Web sites about this show... like strange shrines. They’re already gathering intelligence and pictures and “behind the scenes” things and even speculating on future episodes. Why?

Hubby and I watched it last night, out of morbid curiosity. It was... typical. Running away from bad guys and cops, terminator finds them, lots of shooting, nobody actually getting killed (sorta harkens back to the A-Team years), good terminator fights bad terminator, they all escape, run. Tomorrow’s follow up episode, I’m going going out on a limb and speculating that bad terminator finds them, there will be shooting, they will run, good terminator fights bad terminator, they’ll escape, run.

What else is there?

Oh, the good terminator is that wacky chick from Firefly and Serenity. THAT was a good show, but of course, good shows get cancelled and predictable crap like the Sarah Conner Chronicles get put on.

Is it any wonder why I enjoy “The First 48”

Change?

2008-01-09T15:02:00.000-08:00

With all this talk about who is the person that will give the voters more change, who will change more, who is the master of change, who will change the most, who can’t change because they’ve been in office too long or not enough or will never be in office...

change
change
change....

this is what I kept thinking of throughout that whole “change” argument. (suffer through the commercial at the beginning if any... its worth it)

Weekly Rant

2008-01-08T15:23:00.000-08:00

I have a whole list (already and its only Tuesday) of rants I’d like to get out. Some will be longer than others:

Clinton nearly in tears

When asked “I know how hard it is for a woman to get out of the house in the morning...” Ms. marianne Pernold Young went on to ask Ms. Clinton how she manages and how she’s doing under all this stress.

Um... being a woman I was unaware that it was actually harder for a woman to get out of the house in the morning. I mean is there some sort of strange gravity well that affects women and not men? Is she saying that women aren’t genetically predisposed to get up early in the morning and get out of the house, are we missing some vital get up early out of the house gene?

Ok, back to the answer to the question, which Ms. Clinton nearly broke into tears a few times... um... why? Why is a Presidential candidate about to cry about a question? Not a question about anything of any real importance, but just in general. Why is she breaking up? Why is the media saying how nice it is to see her humanity for a change, see her vulnerable. I don’t want a vulnerable President. I don’t want a President that’s a bit cranky after a red-eye flight to a foreign country where she needs to talk about arms or something important. I don’t want weepy woman representing me. If she can’t take a few days of not getting a lot of sleep on the campaign then how the hell is she going to manage running an entire country.

And how on EARTH do you think the media would have handled this if it were, say Obama getting teary eyed over the same question. Would we be charmed by his vulnerability or would they be shrieking about him pulling a Dean or mocking him about crying and being weak... any of the male candidates would be packing their tour bus and going home had they gotten weepy over anything other than a massive loss of life.

Vaccines don’t cause autism

Bitch because mercury or other crap in vaccines cause autism, now the autism rates are rising in places where that crap was taken out of vaccines. What are you going to blame now other than your own messed up genes or the crap you throw in your bodies?

My mom smoked when she carried me, there was lead gas in cars, lead paint all over the place, no seatbelt wearing, drinking, and no vitamins and I’m fine... so really, whatcha gonna blame now?

Golden Globe Awards Not on TV

What? No gaudy awards show where people spend money on fancy outfits and jewelry and waste hours and hours accepting awards for stuff? Fantastic! Frankly I never knew why a bunch of actors and writers and hollywood types get big grand hoopla shows that last hours when people who risk their lives (and sometimes give their lives) to save others get... nothing. Lets make that whole award show thing not on tv a permanent thing shall we.

Extra Toe instead of Extra weight

Women would rather spend time in jail, get an extra toe or worse to be their ideal weight. Apparently they’re willing to make all sorts of sacrifices to be thin... except that whole actually DO EXERCISE and EAT right thing. Lazy fat bitches. Get your extra toe off the foot stool put down the ring ding and run your fat ass around the block.

Britney still

She’s been hauled off to the hospital after some kind of scene, now she’s apparently dating some paparazzi... how oddly Anna Nicole her life is becoming. Is it too brutal for me to just ask her to skip to the obvious end and give us one day where we don’t have to hear about her anymore? Seriously... enough already, we don’t care. Media, stop it, just don’t tell us, seriously, enough already, its like sharks circling chum.

Where Did They Learn That?

2008-01-05T10:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, so apparently some poll found out that kids nowadays think its perfectly acceptable to lie, cheat, steal, and even be violent in order to get ahead in life and business. HOLY CRAP where do they learn stuff like that???

Well, right on the tv, that’s where they learn this crap. Take for instance the cartoon show “The Replacements”. I happened to catch this charming little episode this morning because I couldn’t find the remote control and I was much too lazy to get out of bed to find it or change the channel manually.

This episode was called “The Jerky Girls” and the plot was a group of scouts had to sell jerky, but their scout leader would not let them use false advertising, lies, or deception to sell the jerky. Meanwhile their competition was doing all of those “bad” things and selling jerky left and right. The main cartoon girl calls some marketing slicky-boy to lure the scout leader away and take over the marketing strategy for the jerky sales, which includes lies, deceit, fraud, you name it.

The most telling part of the whole cartoon is that when confronted by someone about the “conning” the girl replies: “yes, but its for a good cause”.

Well, there you have it, right there: its ok to lie, cheat, steal, and even use violence if the ends justify the means. That’s what television is teaching your kids!

For those of you that are confused as to why your female kids are giving boys blow jobs in the school locker rooms, stairwells, and wherever else they can do it and insisting that blow jobs aren’t sex... you can thank former President Clinton for that one.

Yep, tv and the government is the root of all evil.

Its a New Year

2008-01-01T06:55:00.000-08:00

Since it is a brand spanking new year, everything is fresh and clean and NEW! Um.. wait a minute, we still have some untidy details to wrap up from last year, and the year before and the year before? Wait a minute, I thought everything was new for the new year and everyone just started from scratch. We don’t? We still have to put up with all of that other crap and this new year may bring even more annoying crap? SONOFA....

Case in point, it wasn’t the SUV latch that killed Bhutto (the SUV latch’s family will be suing for defamation of character). Please, oh, please just dig her up, do a pay-per-view autopsy (which Oliver Stone... when he’s not negotiating hostage releases with his new pal Chavez, will do a conspiracy theory movie that says it was actually the SUV ashtray and floor mats that did her in), give all money generated to some nice, not corrupt charitable organization (good luck finding one of those) and let’s just move on shall we?

People are starving and killing each other in Africa. Gee... that’s totally new, that’s never happened before, never, not at all, nope.

People still drive drunk and kill entire families while they only suffer a sore jaw. I’m sure there will be some “excuse” for his driving at .235 down a highway the wrong way (like he was abused as a child, his mother drank while he was in the womb, and he has Adult Attention Deficit Something) and he’ll get probation and therapy. Because it wasn’t his fault.

I really do see 2008 as being the year where random people are punished for the crimes of others. We came very close in 2007 where the Virginia Tech shooter wasn’t to blame for killing all of those people... NO! The Virginia Mental Health community was responsible for that. I really thought the whole state of Virginia Mental Health community was going to get jail time for that one.

This wrong-way driving drunk won’t get blamed for what happened. The media will look into WHO gave him all of that alcohol, and WHY nobody took his keys away, and Taco Bell for serving those nasty things they call burritos but sure the hell aren’t burritos, and not stopping the drunk when he pulled in for some food. Perhaps the Chalupa fell in his lap, which caused him to miss the DO NOT ENTER sign. He’ll claim dyslexia which meant that he couldn’t tell the other cars were going the wrong way.

Where the 80’s were totally the “ME” generation, I see the entire 21st century as being the “NOT ME!” generation.

2008 will be the year when people truly responsible for crimes will be imprisoned as they so richly deserve. Perhaps that’s the way it should actually be:
Honest law abiding citizens locked in cells behind concertina wire with the murderers, killers, thieves and idiots running willy nilly outside. Three square meals a day and a tv in my cell... I’m ready for my punishment now.

What a Brave Man that Oliver Stone

2007-12-30T15:06:00.000-08:00

I just heard that Oliver Stone is going to trade himself and take the place of hostages that have been kept by Colombian rebels! What a brave man he is, what a selfless act to take their place.

Wait... he’s only going to meet with a group of known terrorists and talk with them about handing over hostages? He thinks that Chavez is wonderful?

Dear Terrorist Hostage Takers;

Please kidnap Mr. Oliver Stone. Just think of all the publicity you’ll get for your cause. It will be quite a thing for you to take him hostage and not allow him to make any more movies. Better yet, make him do a full documentary on your life and beliefs and I think it should last about 5 years so we get the full effect of your whole organization and what you want in the world. If possible, we’d also like you to take Mr. Michael Moore hostage, but totally understand if you can’t, due to the amount of money it would take to feed such a load as he is.

Thank you in advance.

Dear U.S. Government;

Once Mr. Oliver Stone is taken hostage, please continue your protocol of not bargaining with known terrorists. If Mr. Moore is also taken hostage, we’d like to suggest the possibility of bombing the terrorists. War is hell and some innocent lives might be taken, but its all for a good and decent cause.

Thank you in advance.

Make Them Stop

2007-12-29T16:25:00.000-08:00

More and more I hear surveys and polls that say that the majority of kids and even adults think its perfectly fine, and even the only way to get ahead in business, to lie and cheat. I just sit with my mouth open when I hear that. No wonder honest, hard working people can never get ahead in life.

Its actually no surprise, as I’ve pointed out before, our entire entertainment system teaches us that lying and cheating is the way to get ahead. Look at all of the celebrities breaking the law willy nilly and not even getting punished for it. They actually get more publicity, which means more money, more sales, more adoration from the troubled youth lemmings being raised in this country.

Every reality show is an example of how cheating and lying get you in the winner’s circle. TV shows are nothing but adulterous, criminal, low life examples for us and the kids out there. Sports stars getting arrested for dog fighting, putting hits out on their pregnant girlfriends, drugs, murder, taking steroids (then lying about it, then getting caught, then making excuses for it which is still lying about it). We have world leaders taking bribes and sucking all of our money out of our pockets for their pensions and perks when we have to bitch and complain to our insurance companies just to get a teeth cleaning.

So the latest in shameful lying that got caught would be the stellar mom who wrote a letter for her 6 year old daughter saying that her daddy died in the war in Iraq, so please give me some free Hannah Montana tickets because that surely will make up for the loss of my father.

Well, duh, yes she won the contest. Come on, compared to someone with chronic acne and being shy, how can you NOT give tickets to the fatherless girl? Well, up until you get to the part where her daddy DIDN’T die in Iraq and the mother said she made it up. Why did she make it up? According to the news report: "We did the essay and that's what we did to win," Priscilla Ceballos, the mother, said in an interview with Dallas TV station KDFW. "We did whatever we could do to win."

For Hannah Montana tickets... are you kidding me? This wasn’t a case where a life was at stake. Please let me win, my father died in Iraq and I really need a kidney so I can go on in his memory. No, it was for tickets to see the Achey Breaky Cirus kid.

Apparently the organizer of the contest is thinking about taking the tickets back. Well, duh, yeah, take them back. The little girl will learn that lying and cheating doesn’t always get what you want, which is more than her mother could teach her apparently.

Let's Ignore the Media

2007-12-28T08:36:00.000-08:00

The media is still slathering and drooling over the “sensational” coverage of the Benazir Bhutto assassination. This can only mean that nobody knows what happened, but we’re going to see news clippings and puppet-heads who weren’t there and have no clue discussing what they think may have happened and probably what they would have done had they actually been there.

Back in the days of typewriters and mimeograph machines I was a high school student. Starry eyed and full of hope and knowing it all, I dreamed of becoming a reporter. I wanted to write for a newspaper (you remember those things... large pieces of paper folded in half and in some cases thrown in a wad in your driveway every morning, and left black marks on your hands), and to further my dream I took high school journalism classes.

These classes taught me the finer points of reporting, which were ridiculously easy:
Who
what
where
when
why
how

That’s it, that’s all there is to reporting. State the facts, give all of the information that is known, double-check your facts and then release your story.

Newspapers told you the facts. News anchors would tell you the facts. They would even tell you if they didn’t know something: “It was unclear whether Mrs. Nelson’s drowning was a direct result of the pig”.

Then came CNN. Groundbreaking news, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, Except that there’s really not a whole lot of groundbreaking news to keep everyone’s interest 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, over and over and over and over again. Hey, I know, let’s spice up the news a tad. Instead of just REPORTING the news, we’ll provide our commentary and wild ass guessing and make it more interesting. The 24-hour news turned into a competition, because news is only interesting if we’re the first to report it, so screw that whole fact checking thing, just get it out on the air.

Pretty soon, analysts and commentators became the norm for news broadcasts and that was the end of journalism. No more who, what, where, when, why, and how, no now we have “Mrs. Nelson, purported to be a drug addict and child beater, was murdered savagely by the pig in revenge for making it walk the streets and make money through prostitution, although the police haven’t released her cause of death yet”

Want a better example? How about the assassination of Benazir Bhutto. Her death is very tragic, and affects an entire country... so lets allow the media to speculate, release anything anyone said without actually checking any facts and stir up even more unrest in an already frantic country.

So far we’ve learned:
1.) She was shot in the neck and died
2.) She’s fine
3.) She was killed by shrapnel
4.) She was shot in the neck and chest and died
5.) She was killed by shrapnel
6.) She had a very bad and large head wound
7.) She died because she hit the sunroof of her SUV

WHAT? How about instead of just blurting out anything... you wait until all the facts come out and then you release the story? Depending on when you hear the news will depend on what you believed happened. The media is, in effect, causing a sort of historical ripple effect throughout the world. There will be those that will solemnly believe that she was shot and died. There will be those that think shrapnel killed her, there may be those that think she’s fine and the fact that she is being reported as dead will further the conspiracy theory affect where Ms. Bhutto and Elvis are driving around in a convertible, and then there will be a group formed to eliminate sun roofs in SUV as they are dangerous and can kill people.

Ultimately, whatever killed her will be blamed on the terrorist attack that also killed and wounded other innocent people, but do we really have to fuel the anger, hatred and violence by throwing out untruths, outright lies, and speculation. What good does this do? Well, it keeps the news agencies well paid, that’s about it.

So, turn them off. Write their advertisers and tell them that until the “media” goes back to REPORTING the news in a responsible way, you won’t be watching their annoying “Head On” commercials 20 times an hour anymore.

What? My House Isn't Worth 80 Gazillion?

2007-12-26T08:56:00.000-08:00

Apparently in my copious spare holiday time I have a lot to complain about and one of those things to complain about are the stupid people that bought houses that cost them a gazillion dollars and either signed a contract to only pay the interest for a few years and now they find themselves unable to pay an actual mortgage, or the morons that bought bought houses thinking they’d be an investment in later years.

Ok, raise your hand if you were fooled into thinking that a house you bought 10 years ago for $150,000 suddenly jumped in worth to $300,000 and you actually refinanced it for the $300,000 and now find its only worth $150,000? Please note that I’m not raising my hand.

If you didn’t rip down said house and built a McMansion to raise the appraisal price of said house, then you are so screwed. How screwed? Really screwed. Why are you screwed? Duh, because who is going to buy a house worth $150,00 for the $300,00 worth of mortgage debt you need to pay off? I hope you really like that house because you are so totally stuck with it until you pay off that whopping mortgage on it, or people lose their minds again and we have another boom, but I doubt that.

Another question I have is why the government feels compelled to bail out stupid people that bought houses they couldn’t afford? Sure there are stipulations to which people they’ll bail out, but generally you’re still stupid if you thought you could buy a house and only pay the interest on the mortgage and not get screwed later down the road. Oh, I’m sure those people thought that the fixed interest rate would bottom out and they could refinance without any sort of penalty... because they either didn’t read the fine print of their existing mortgage, or were incredibly stupid to think the rate would get any better after everyone realized they had been screwed by greedy mortgage places.

What ever happened to the incredibly simplistic creed of “if its too good to be true... it usually is”? Why do some people still fall for that easy money, cheap mortgage, living large and paying later, except when they can’t pay later, here comes the government (aka: my tax dollars) swooping in to save the idiots. Nobody will ever learn a lesson if they are continuously bailed out by my tax dollars. They will just keep doing stupid things, getting bailed out, and going out and doing stupid things. Let them lose their house and suffer. That’ll teach them for being stupid or not finding a smart person to keep them from doing something stupid. We just perpetuate stupidity by allowing people to be stupid, saving them from themselves and only the smart suffer. Well, the smart stopped breeding long ago, so enjoy your world of stupidity. Pretty soon the smart will stop working as well and then where are we? Yep, totally screwed.

Good luck with that.

Why My Head Will Explode Part 2

2007-12-26T07:56:00.000-08:00

I work my butt off until I’m 75 (or whatever the new and improved retirement age is... frankly by the time I get there it’ll be up to 100), I retire, and I get to sit back and enjoy my retirement years, the golden years, years where I can relax and do the things I want to do, thanks for working my butt off for most of my life.

Not exactly. Apparently seniors are being faced with the bloated assessments of their houses, which in turn bloats their property tax rates, which in turn leaves them destitute because Social Security only pays them enough to buy Little Friskies cat food to eat with crackers.

The solution? Make them work to pay off their property taxes! What a wonderful idea! Make them go back to work after all of those years of working just to retire, they can now spend their retirement... WORKING!

Can nobody else see the problem with our tax system when our elders have to freakin take part time jobs just to pay the taxes on their paid off houses? They earned a salary, which was taxed. They spent their money on goods and services, which are taxed. Their house, even though its paid off... still taxed. We are taxed coming, going, and after after we die. Nothing but taxes, money stripped out of our hands.

I gotta ask what the incentive is for me to work? It use to be that around 65 I could retire and travel and do cool things with the retirement money I got from wherever I worked. That turned into having to put money into a 401K fund and hoping the idiots managing the fund didn’t learn business 101 from the Enron people. Then they bumped up the retirement age, and bumped it up again and again, and now I get to look forward to sitting in my paid off house, HOPEFULLY with some retirement money from my 401K and getting a job so I can pay my taxes and not lose my house.

WHY BOTHER?

Why am I working hard just so I can get a job at Walmart greeting people? What is there to look forward to? Seriously, why bother? Why not just say screw it and suck off the system for the rest of my life if that’s all there is to retirement?

Why My Head Will Explode

2007-12-26T04:58:00.000-08:00

The recent attack by a tiger at the San Francisco Zoo is both shocking and unexpected. Unexpected only because the animals are suppose to be kept well aware from the public not only for the public’s safety, but for the safety of the animals. Having a tiger escape and manage to attack three people, one of them fatally is certainly not unexpected under the circumstance. It is a tragic accident on the part of whoever was responsible for ensuring the tigers were secured in their cages, but a free range tiger does equal death to someone or something.

What really makes my head explode is CNN’s little video feed: “Tiger had history of violent acts”.
The reporter says it “broke free”, then “stalked” victims. “It wasn’t the first time it showed its killer instinct”.

Um... ITS A TIGER!!! All tiger’s do is kill, eat, poop, breed, and sleep. That’s what tigers do, that’s all that tigers do. Why is it a surprise that when a wild carnivore got loose it killed something? Why is the news trying to make it seem as though the tiger was jailed for other crimes, perhaps burglary. Using a spoon, the tiger found a way out of its cage and with cold, calculating precision, stalked (perhaps crank called) and killed some people. “... the first time it showed its killer instinct”... ITS A TIGER!!! Why is it news that it attacks people? Its what they do! That’s why its behind bars, a moat and concertina wire, its a tiger, it will eat people.

Frankly its a shame that the only safe place from poachers and idiots stripping land to build crap is a zoo for these majestic beasts and all other animals in zoos. Its a shame that we can’t ride in a nice tank through some habitat and see things as they should be, instead of a polar bear playing with a fake iceberg in its painted blue water pool. Until we realize that we need to stop using the earth as a construction set and let nature do what nature does best, we’ll just have to take our chances at the zoo, and hope that some other wild beast doesn’t have a spoon.

Charlie Wilson's War

2007-12-23T05:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, I’m just a middle american, semi educated, technical writer that makes pretty good money and was born with a common sense gene. I don’t proclaim that I’m “in” with politics and know the ins and outs of all the things going on, but I smell something a bit rancid in this whole “Charlie Wilson’s War” movie coming out now, or at all.

The synopsis on Internet Movie Database reads in part: "Good-Time Charlie" Wilson, a flawed and fun-loving Congressman from the piney woods of East Texas, deftly operates the levers of power to funnel money and weapons to the Mujahedin of Afghanistan following the Soviet invasion of their country in late 1979.”

My, they make it sound like a romping comedy, don’t they. Until it creeps into your brain... hey wait a minute!

First of all, flawed and fun-loving Charlie refuses to answer questions about his alleged cocaine use, and is an admitted drinker, seemingly portrayed in the movie trailers as a constant drinker (your tax dollars at work there). He was a womanizer and in interview with ABC news “didn’t keep count” of all the women he slept with.

He, along with your tax dollars, and the help of the CIA, funneled weapons into Afghanistan to help the “freedom fighters” ward off the evil communists. The movie trailers make it seem as though Charlie’s actions were solely responsible for the Berlin wall being knocked down and the fall of communism itself. Hardly.

I’m sure the general public will cheer the drunken, womanizing Charlie on in his antics, saving the brave freedom fighters from the horrible communist hoards without realizing that the money he used to help them came from their pockets. In some cases, if not all, Congress and the Senate weren’t told what they were voting on because the whole thing was so covert, they weren’t allowed to know, just that it was for “a good cause”.

It sure was a different era back in then. Apparently arms for the fall of communism is much different than arms for hostages, and by the Iraq war we’re just plain sick of war for democracy. Nowadays a drunken, womanizing Congressman is shamed and rightfully thrown out of office. Back then he was given a covert mission and all the money he wanted.

Of course the producers of the movie and everyone interviewing “Good Time Charlie” now tip toe around the very fact that the “freedom fighters” he helped back then went on to form the very same terrorists that attacked our shores, killed our people. Oh sure, there was no way for him to know that back then, and it shouldn’t be his fault... or should it? He admits that the U.S. pulled out once the Soviets did, and no effort was made to help the Afghanistan people rebuild after years of war. Once again, we used another country to get what we wanted and threw them away like a kleenex. No wonder they’re a bit pissed off at us.

So go ahead and see Charlie Wilson’s War. Go see just how sneaky the U.S. can be with your tax dollars, perhaps not supporting causes you truly believe in, or even perhaps supporting the “bad guys”. The good guys of today, as we’ve seen, can turn out to be the bad guys of tomorrow. When you leave the movie theater... think about what else the U.S. is doing with your money that you don’t know about, because its too “sensitive” to tell you.

The Saviour of the Earth

2007-12-22T16:17:00.001-08:00

To the right we have a picture of Nobel Peace Prize winner, former Vice President Al Gore doing some work in his Tennessee home (according to the caption that accompanies this picture on the Time Web site ). What do you see wrong with this picture?

Here is a man that is screaming that the inhabitants of the earth are wasting its resources and will be the cause of its demise. Leading by example, we see here that Mr. Gore is undoubtedly using some kind of electrified overhead lighting (from the shadowing near his desk). Mr. Gore has not one, but amazingly THREE very large computer screens, has the very nice flat screen tv on, and is surrounded by piles and piles and reams and reams of paper.

Gee, how many trees had to die in order for him to print or purchase that much paper product? Wouldn't those trees have contributed to the making of oxygen? Does he REALLY need those three humungous computer screens? Why is the TV on if he's not watching it? He's got some pretty nice ambient lighting going on from outside, why not shut off the overhead lights?

By the way, nice fake gigantic tree frog on the wall, hey Al, did you really need that little decoration or perhaps could you have forgone that little decorative piece so that the factory that's polluting the streams and lakes with toxic wastes and sucking all of our precious electricity while stomping a carbon footprint the size of Antarctica wouldn't have to operate?

eh?

My Weekly Rant List

2007-12-21T08:53:00.000-08:00

Throughout the week while I’m stuck writing boring technical documents and listening to CNN I write a list of topics that really irk me with the intent of writing pages and pages of ranting (complete with footnotes and URL references). By the time I get home, work has sucked the life blood from me and there’s no rant to be had.

Since I’m off on fridays I’ll start a weekly rant, where there is no guarantee that it will be a long rant, nor even a good rant... just a rant, but at least you’ll know what has tortured me this past week.

Diversity:
We’re suppose to accept everyone’s race, religion, cultures, etc., well that is until their race, religion, culture, etc., offends someone with some power... like women.

Case in point, the father that strangle his daughter for not wearing a headscarf. Fine, its not a mainstream belief that its fine and dandy to murder your kids if they don’t follow your faith, but there are sects out there that do believe that its ok to do that. There are beliefs out there that says if the husband dies, the wife (still alive) has to plop her butt down right next to him while they burn his body. We have traditions that make women walk behind their husbands, doesn’t allow them to go out alone, to drive, that make them get their neck stretched or wear HUGE earring things, bind their feet and that whole female circumcise thing. All of that shouldn’t be tolerated. Why?

Isn’t diversity all about tolerance? Accepting beliefs different than your own, except we hear all sorts of screaming and gnashing of teeth when those beliefs go against women. Men get circumcised every freaking day and nobody has really started a whole movement to stop that. Nobody says how horrible and disfiguring that is, but there are groups and activists against female circumcising.

Tolerance is tolerance, and if you want us to be tolerant of race, religion, and culture then it should be all cultures and all things... not pick and choose. If it is pick and choose then don’t point your finger at me and call me a racists and not diverse because I don’t like curry (it gives me gas).

World War II vet gets $725 in back pay
This was a curiosity of reporting to me. Fox reported that a WW II vet was wrongly accused of stringing up an Italian prisoner of war and was imprisoned for some time and got a dishonorable discharge. The Department of Defense reviewed his case after a book was written about the incident and the DoD gave him $725 (his pay while he had been imprisoned) and honorable discharge. Ok. Turn to CNN who not only reported this as a racist incident, but figured out for its audience what $725 was worth in today’s money, how much $725 would have netted the guy in a retirement account (which weren’t around back then, but hey, what’s a little detail like that), and what the DoD SHOULD have done instead of what it actually did. What happened to reporting the who, what, where, when, and how of a story? Kudos to Fox for reporting, and WTF CNN for your commentary, which you should have prefaced by saying it was a commentary.

Forbes Most Influential Baby List
I see that Forbes has gone the way of the National Enquirer and other tabloids. Thankfully I now know that celebrity infants control the world, which explains why lately all I want to do is crap my pants and cry at the stupidity that surrounds me.

Kanye West’s Mom
According to the 911 call, she reportedly threw up black stuff before she stopped breathing. I’m going to guess that during the tummy tuck they perforated a bowel or stomach and she was bleeding internally and that’s her cause of death. Not a rant, just wanted to get my ghoul pool guess out there.

Global Warming is a Bunch of Crap
Its not just me anymore! A whole slew of influential scientists are now saying its a bunch of crap, but the other scientists kicked them out and won’t let them play anymore because the scientists that agree with Al Gore are getting government money hand over fist and if the general public finds out that this whole global warming scam isn’t true, they won’t get any more money. Don’t believe me? Just wait until they start taxing your pretend carbon footprint, and hey... did you catch that little bill that just passed into law saying you have to now buy those “environmentally good” lightbulbs and not the regular lightbulbs. How much does a regular bulb cost compared to those others... yeah, they’ll get you one way or another.

Survivor
I don’t watch it, because its a show that rewards people for being back stabbing, lying scum, but I caught a news story about how a losing contestant claimed to have been given a really crappy janitor job on her return to her job after the show... so the shows producers gave her a butt load of money. Except she lied, never happened, she still has the same job she had before the show. There’s talk about getting the money back but hey, why should they? It just proves that they taught her well on the show, and lets hope our children follow the lead of these amazing survivors.

Don’t Use That Shampoo!
I saw some tips on how to conserve energy while staying at a hotel. Turn off the lights and heat/air when you leave the room, and don’t use the hotel supplied little bottles of shampoo. Ok, fine, how about you stop providing that crap and make the room a lot cheaper then. I’ll bring my own shampoo and creme rinse, but knock off $20 from my bill. Have you noticed the trend in “conservation” where we’re asked to go without, and yet still pay for what we use to be able to use? Global warming = money making scam! Just mark my words.

Taxing High Fructose
San Francisco’s mayor wants to tax high fructose drinks because they cause the epidemic of obesity in our nation. Once again, making laws and taxing things to keep the stupid from hurting themselves. Who really pays for these things? Yes, EVERYONE including those who don’t glug down a gallon of the crap and weigh 500 pounds. High fructose doesn’t cause obesity... stupid people who drink it by the gallon causes obesity. If they’re so concerned by obesity, maybe we should be taxed by the pound!

Coming to a Theater Near You
Is there a new law that says that every year there must be a movie on Queen Elizabeth? I’m holding out for Elizabeth II, Electric Boogaloo.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia
I’ve just about had it this year with the Chia Pet commercials. Thankfully they are only sold around Christmas for some reason and not all year long. This year we also get the Chia Herb Garden and Chia Cat grass. I bet you didn’t know that you can actually eat the chia plant that sprouts, its suppose to be high in Omega 3 and other nutrients, so go ahead and graze. Next year is the Chia private parts.

Another wonderful gift this holiday season is the Healthcare gift card. Nothing says “I know you’re poor and can’t afford to get those nasty teeth fixed” like a healthcare gift card... for those who have everything except that new kidney.

Loved one got their stoma? Well then how about a nice gas card as a gift! Nothing says festive like a Citgo card. I’m sure they’ve been looking through that speedy cup window at that ice scraper they’ve always wanted but couldn’t afford. Send the very best when something decent isn’t enough.

Minor Baby Bump in the Road

2007-12-19T15:42:00.000-08:00

Its in the news, yet another Spears member is preggers and boy is there talk about this.

Seeing how the younger Spears is the star of the kids tv show “Zoey 101” its a bit embarrassing for a show about boys and girls at a formerly all boy boarding school to turn up preggers at such a tender young age. I’m sure she’ll lose that gig.

What I don’t understand is that the young Spears is 16, and her live-in boyfriend is apparently 19. According to California Penal Code Section 261-269:

261.5. (a) Unlawful sexual intercourse is an act of sexual
intercourse accomplished with a person who is not the spouse of the
perpetrator, if the person is a minor.

For the purposes of this section, a "minor" is a person
under the age of 18 years and an "adult" is a person
who is at least 18 years of age.

Shouldn’t said boyfriend be behind bars and labelled a sex criminal by now? Why is this being plastered all over the news as:
1.) look, yet another Spears kid is a mess up
2.) The book on parenting that the Spears’ kid’s mother wrote is on hold

There doesn’t seem to be anything on why a 16 year got pregnant by a 19 year old, regardless of who that 16 year old is. There were plenty of these cases where it was just some kid in some small town that was plastered over the headlines about how someone could let their small child get pregnant by an older guy and have the gall to take them to another state to get married. Why are the people in the small town treated like scum and this whole Spears thing seems to be just some amusing soap opera where nobody has to face any consequences for breaking a law.

I’m waiting for the entertainment shows to report on her baby “bump” (a new term that I find incredibly nauseating). How about we lock up the perv boyfriend, trot her out for everyone to see with a big ol scarlet A on her clothes, throw her in the pillory and teach our children that breeding right after they get their first period isn’t the path to success, despite what hollywood wants us to think.

How about a nice poster that says: “stay in school, keep your legs closed, and have a life before you bring another one into it”

Beware that Subliminal Stuff

2007-12-18T16:04:00.000-08:00

So, apparently there is some hoopla over the whole Huckabee Christmas ad (oooh, I said Christmas! I’ll probably be beaten to death now).

In his ad, Huckabee clearing states that “... what really matters is the celebration of the birth of Christ and being with our family and friends.”

When I heard there was controversy over the ad, I figured it was the reference to the birth of Christ, and frankly if that’s what the guy believes in, why can’t he say it? I mean come on, I don’t yell at people who wish me a Merry Christmas or even a Happy Holiday because I’m a Neo-Pagan and I don’t celebrate those things. Its not like anyone can look at someone and tell what religion they are, and frankly who cares what religion THEY are, it matters what you believe in. So those of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, if someone says to you “Merry Christmas” then respond back with your special greeting... good lord don’t they teach common courtesy in school or at home anymore.

Anyway, I digress.

Imagine my amusement when it turns out that Huckabee’s use of “the birth of Christ” wasn’t the controversy. Oh no, it was the subliminal bookcase! A bookcase deviously shaped like a cross that sent out a hidden message that disturbed people!

Um... was this guy so intent on gazing at the background subliminal images that he totally missed the whole “birth of Christ” thing? Why on earth would someone need to plant a subliminal message in the background when they pretty much come out and say what their beliefs are.

Frankly, the only reason I back Huckabee is because he says he’ll totally get rid of the IRS. I don’t agree with his religion, I don’t agree with some of his views, but frankly if he got rid of the IRS and then required us to wear robes and rubber phallic appendages on our heads... pass me the robe and rubber phallic appendage.

The whole religion thing, and his views on abortion and the pill and all that, well frankly the President doesn’t have a whole lot of say in that stuff anyway thanks to that piece of paper called a constitution and those people that make up the Supreme Court (none of which are in the retirement stage or likely to up and croak in the next 5 years). I’d also like to point out that those idiots in the Congress and the Senate or the ones that are generating these outlandish, ridiculous, and totally insane bills that become law, so its a bit more important that your congressional and senatorial puppethead is actually doing what he’s there to do, which is REPRESENT YOU! They’d like you to think that the President is the bad guy and the one with all the power so they can continue getting their cushy health care that they get for free, and all of their perks and under the table bribes from special interest groups.

So stop worrying about what religion each Presidential candidate is... start worrying about those greedy congresspeople and senators who are hoping that everyone will be so involved in picking a President, that you don’t notice them sliding in a new law that says they get more money and you get less of everything... except taxes.

Our Tax Dollars At Work

2007-12-12T16:42:00.000-08:00

So, Scientists think they have figured out why pregnant women don't lose their balance and topple over despite ever-growing weight up front.

Yes, our hard earned tax dollars at work, not studying ways to stop cancer, or any of the other horrible diseases that kill people, no, lets find out why pregnant women don’t fall over like weebles when they’re pregnant.

Why are scientists wasting their time studying something so incredibly worthless and inane as this? Why aren’t they working on more important things? Why are we paying these morons to study this? Did anyone ask me when I filed my taxes and wrote that big ass check to the IRS if I wanted my money to go to a bunch of nose picking scientists to figure out why pregnant women didn’t walk on all fours?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????

Where are my pet rights?

2007-12-11T14:45:00.000-08:00

The 2007 “U.S. Pet Ownership and Demographic Sourcebook” published by the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) was released today.

As most child-free homes know, there is a stereotype that women who don’t want children have pets, and generally dress their pets up in outfits and enter them into beauty contests where they force them to smile and look pretty. Ok, that’s not child-free people, that’s actually people with kids.

Seriously, there is some sort of strange thought pattern that when a person says that they treat their pet like a member of the family, the person being told this immediately envisions that the dog or cat is dressed up like a kid, fed at the table, and treated like a baby. Stop envisioning that you morons.

Treating a pet like a member of the family generally means that they live in the house with the family, are taken on family outings and vacations, get the same amount of love and attention as any other member of the family. Family members aren’t chained to a dog house in the yard and ignored... unless you mean my mother-in-law, and no, we’ve never actually chained her out in the yard, but we’ve thought about it.

Yes, my dogs sleep on our bed, and sit on our furniture, and get to pick what to watch on tv (ok, they don’t, but they do like shows where audiences clap for some reason).

So, what does this have to do with the AVMA survey? Well, 60% of americans own a pet. two-thirds of those pet owners own more than one pet. Here’s the demographic that I laugh at: 35% of americans have kids. Hey! We pet owners are now the majority! Apparently children aren’t the “in” thing anymore, so why are they getting all the rights and attention?

Where’s my time off for caring for a sick pet? Why don’t I get time off for adopting a dog when parents get time off for adopting a kid? What about bereavement leave for when my pet dies?

Pet ownership has so many more rewards than raising a kid, its not even funny. No outlandishly expensive child care expenses (although doggie day care is getting pricey... hey, where is my tax credit for doggie day care?), no babysitter, none of my dogs have ever asked for the keys to the truck, although they do try climbing into the driver’s seat when I take them places. I don’t have to save up for college, or a ridiculously expensive wedding. I do have a savings account just for my dogs, as health care for pets is pricey for my family members, and most pet insurance policies suck. I don’t get a tax write off because I can’t claim them as a dependent, although a dog and cat couldn’t be any more dependent on me than a kid is.

So, child-free pet owners, I think its time we stood up and demanded that we get fair and equal rights that parents of human children do... after all, we’re the majority now! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

Solar Arrays In Space

2007-12-10T17:18:00.000-08:00

As usual I'm listening to the news at work and was distracted from my very interesting technical writing crap by a scientist who is proposing that the solution to the energy crisis, and for ridding the U.S. of its dependence on foreign oil is to build solar arrays in space.

I'll pause here while you laugh hysterically and wipe the tears of mirth from your eyes like I did when I heard this load of crap.

Solar arrays in space? Yes, this scientist says that we can simply build solar arrays in space where there is no night, those arrays will just sit up there and collect energy from the sun and beam it down to the earth to some sort of energy collection device.

Um... wasn't that something I read in I, Robot? Wasn't that the "god" the robots were defending in space? Are we now pulling "solutions" from science fiction books written in the 1950's? What next? We breed tiny people with furry feet to live in holes in the ground?

Ok, so maybe having solar arrays in space is a possibility, but just WHO is going to build that? Its not like we can depend on our rocket scientists here in the U.S. to build those. They can't even fuel up a shuttle without messing something up, and we send that outdated sucker into space with a tool kit full of duct tape and spackle to fix the holes in it from lift off. Lets not forget that little glitch in math that had the Mars probe bashing itself to death on the planet. Yeah, they're great candidates to build the solar array.

I'm sure this little announcement had nothing to do with Al "Mr. Largest Head In the World" Gore's acceptance of the Nobel Peace Prize for his Academy Award Winning Slide show of doom. Yeah, that's a nice little medal you got there Mr. Gore, but nobody seems to talk about the gazillion dollar prize money you also get with that.

These wonderful, and truly mind boggling expensive "solutions" to a problem that nobody has yet to actually provide tangible, plausible evidence is yet another way for rich people to get richer. We poor, hardworking tax payers will, in the end, get screwed by all of these companies popping up to "solve" global warming by creating new and expensive things that make our earth better, when they do nothing of the sort. Its only a matter of time before we're taxed on our carbon footprint (a measurement that's made up by whoever can profit the most out of it), and we're paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for the ultimate eco friendly futuristic mode of transportation (a new invention where one sits on a seat and pedals a vehicle that has two rubber wheels).

People! The earth has a fever... bend over and take it.

Oprama Oh Brother!

2007-12-09T05:44:00.000-08:00

It wasn’t surprising that the media immediately named the Oprah/Obama “tour” a one-namer. Those who gave us TomKat, among others, are now touting the talk show host and politician as a one-namer, and frankly I’m disgusted. Not only because of the one-naming, but because of the headlines this “union” is generating:

Time Magazine: Attention Women of Iowa: Oprah!!!
CNN; Can Oprah turn a hug into votes?

There are approximately 1,200 other articles similarly named, all shooting for that one demographic that truly calls to Oprah: WOMEN.

Like some kind of freak show, this political season is getting wackier and wackier by the minute, what with Romney explaining his religion, Hillary... well, she’s just being Hillary and planting her minions in opponents’ audiences to ask difficult questions, and the myriad of other strangeness going on. We don’t have to wait in anticipation of a Monty Pythian “Silly Party” to announce its candidacy, because they’re already running.

But lets go back to this whole Oprah thing. I’ve never really understood the draw to this woman. She started out much like Jerry Springer, but dumped the shocking and bizarre for more “personal” stories. She’s used her gazillions of dollars to build a school in Africa (personally I think we need more schools here in the U.S. but she chooses what she wants to do with her gazillions), and she gave a whole studio audience cars... then got egg on her face when everyone in the audience started complaining about how much they would have to pay in taxes for said cars. No good deed.

People (women actually) seem to look up to her, admire her and will buy just about anything she hawks on her show, including a made up piece of memoir by some guy that claimed to beat addiction. I’m sure that 99% of these woman aren’t as rich as Oprah, and yet they just go nuts over her “favorite things” lists and have to have these things.

Lets take a look at some of Oprah’s 2007 “favorite things” and see what we need to buy in order to “be” just like Oprah:

Toywatch Crystal Watches for a mere $150 - $325 you can have a watch. Of course, you could get a watch for $25 bucks that will tell time, but these watches are the ones Oprah approved, so screw the car payment and go get a nice watch.

Samsung HD Camcorder for a mere $800 you can get this cool camcorder to record you wearing your expensive watch. Who needs to make a mortgage payment, Oprah wants you to have this camcorder.

Melamine Bowls Yes, from the same crap that China put in your dog and cat food and killed them, one of the cheapest of Oprah’s favorites at $14.00 you too can be poisoned by your own cookware.

Perfect Ending Cupcakes Why make them yourself when for $60 you can order 9 cupcakes to be delivered to your door. We all order cupcakes from Williams and Sonoma, much like we have our cooks fix us dinner every night and our maids do our dishes.

Clarisonic Skin System Spend $200 on a daily skin cleaner from the makers of the Sonicaire toothbrush. Hey, here’s a thought, just save the money and scrub your face with your toothbrush.

Ciao Bella Blood Orange Sorbetto $40 for 4 pints of sorbetto, not including Fedex charges? Seems reasonable to me. After all, its not like there’s a grocery store within a few miles of your house that sells sorbet for a few bucks, so its worth the money.

Rachel Pally clothing $300 for a mumu?

My total favorite:
LG HDTV Refrigerator I mean come on! Who wants a fridge that isn’t HD ready? At a mere $4,000 you can sit and watch the weather channel in high def as you eat your expensive cupcakes and sorbetto, which is the only thing you can afford now that the credit card companies are repossessing everything else, except the Melamine bowls because the FDA is coming in hazard suits to pick those up.

So you see, Oprah is JUST like all of us, so we should all vote for Obama, because Oprah says so.

Rude, Just Plain RUDE

2007-12-08T12:39:00.000-08:00

I see it all the time, and its about the rudest thing I can think of. Well, ok, I’m sure there are more rude things that happen, but this is just incredibly rude!

I was out alone on my monthly buy as many groceries as possible so I don’t have to suffer through grocery shopping for a month trek. I hate grocery shopping. Even with lists, I forget crap that I didn’t put on the list but would remember (and don’t), or buy half of something I need to make a recipe and don’t have the rest so I’m forced to go out AGAIN to a grocery store and get the rest of the crap.

I started out at Costco for the whole bulk meat thing. I have a food saver, love it, but don’t ever buy the ready made bags, because the box that I last bought, half the stupid things were defective and had a leak somewhere, so while they sealed just fine, they were still full of air, defeating the entire purpose of sucking the air out of them. Then it was off to Safeway for the little things I don’t like buying in bulk... like who needs the cafeteria-sized jar of mayo?

I got everything on my list, stopping once in a while to realize that there were one or two things I should have gotten at Costco, which consisted of me stopping in the middle of the aisle and hissing DAMMIT! and stomping a foot. I do this so people will leave me alone and park their freakin carts out of my way. It usually works.

I picked a good line, not the line with the guy that looks like a dark haired version of Louie Anderson who is always in a horrible mood because his life is very tragic for a Safeway checkout person and he loves telling you why his life sucks. The line with the very funny and cool trannie guy was really long. I love having that guy check me out, he’s very funny, upbeat and efficient, probably why his line is always long. Its very entertaining to get checked out by him. I picked another line where some chick in front of me had 4 things, thinking this would be a nice, quick checkout.

What I didn’t see when I got in line was that this chick had her 4 things still in the cart, even though the conveyor belt was empty and the woman in front of her was paying for her already bagged up items. Why was her stuff still in her cart? Because she was talking to someone on her cell phone. Totally oblivious to the world, she was deep in very important talks about... her car and her boyfriend. Little miss matching coat, slacks and designer bag began to slowly, and with one hand, put her items on the conveyer belt one item at a time. The designer bag was one of those overly clunky bejeweled monstrosities that serve no purpose other than looking all expensive and designer.

After putting her stuff on the belt, she then proceeds to try to unzip the designer monstrosity bag to get out her credit card. By this time the cashier has already rung up her stuff and is waiting for her to swipe her card. She swipes the card then says “oh, I have a store card”. Neither the cashier nor I know if she’s talking to the cashier or the person on the phone. Of course the PIN pad allows you to tap in your phone number if you don’t have your card with you, but she’s too busy continuing her conversation, so the cashier has to ask her TWICE what her phone number is, which she finally gives. Then she has to swipe her card a few more times, while talking, then finally gets her receipt and then spends another few minutes putting the credit card and her receipt back into her stupid bag before slowly walking away... still talking on her phone.

It took EVERYTHING in my being not to grab that phone and throw it across the store.

After she wandered off, I asked the cashier how she was today and then told her how rude I thought that was. I even told her how I had wanted to throw her cell phone across the store, and she laughed and nodded. You could tell she wanted to do the same thing.

I am totally amazed at how self-absorbed and downright rude people are these days. Makes me thankful that I didn’t bring a child into this world because I’m sure its just going to get worse.

Nothing Ever Works Right

2007-12-08T07:52:00.000-08:00

The other night hubby and I were watching the show Life which is a really great show, great writing, great characters, and the plot is all twisty and you can’t figure it out 15 minutes into the show. Therefore, it will be cancelled really soon. Most good shows are. If they don’t explain every little detail to the stupid viewers, or makes you think... they’re doomed for cancellation.

Anyhoo, we hadn’t seen the episode before this season finale one, so we started watching that one on our Tivo (love the Tivo), to catch up, then we would watch the season finale right after that. We never watch anything “live” anymore so we can fast forward through the annoying commercials.

Ok, so we’re caught up and started watching the current episode... except the Tivo locked up. GASP! Our beloved Tivo had an aneurism and was locked up... with 10 minutes left in the current show!!!! OH MY GAWD!!!! After it rebooted, we started watching the show, and sure enough, the pivotal end of the show didn’t record. The last 10 minutes that wrapped up what was going on... not recorded. You’ve got to be freakin kidding me!

This, in general, is the story of our life. We’ve embraced technology to the point where it even answers our phones and directs telemarketers to a confusing mass of buttons to press until they give up, or sends them to a rude message telling them to put us on their “do not call list” as we’ve recorded their phone number and business name and will report them to the FCC thanks to a cool program called Phlink.

We have computers up the ying with various and sundry back up devices, UPS, and other gadgets, and invariably... something vital dies despite our attempts to back up, save, and redundant ourselves to death. No matter how we try to make sure that things continue to work, and if even they don’t we have some kind of back-up, we are thwarted in some technological way.

The Tivo is one example. We have two Tivos actually. One upstairs and one downstairs. The one downstairs is a specially configured Tivo with a gazillion hours of record time and it records two channels at once. Do you think that it would record Life for us and catch the last 10 minutes? Of course not. We hadn’t told it to, but it knows what we like to watch. Instead of recording Life, it was recording some Lifetime movie of the week about some woman that was wronged in some sort of way and she seeks revenge by killing a man. Isn’t that all Lifetime movies? They need to change that channel to “Women who hate men” channel. It also recorded something else stupid, but not Life.

Fine, this is the 21st century, lets just go up and watch it online. NBC does have a halfway decent interface that allows you to watch their shows online (which is the whole bone of contention with the current writer’s strike), but of course... 10 minutes after the show aired, it wasn’t up yet. Ok, that’s stupid, but fine, I’ll wait until tomorrow to find out what happens.

Tomorrow comes and sure enough, the episode is now available on the NBC site. SWEEET! I click on the episode, and then on the chapter, because I don’t need to watch the whole thing, just the last 10 minutes. I’m graced with a notice that says that I’ll be able to watch the show with limited commercial interruption. Spiffy, that’s just what I want. I’m then treated to the annoying Zales commercial that has that REALLY annoying piano song on it by Vanessa Carlton a song truly that will make you want to poke your eardrums out after you’ve heard it a zillion times on commercials this fine festive holiday season as Zales tries to convince you that your loved one will hate your guts unless you get her some really expensive diamonds.

Ok, I suffer through the commercial and sit anxiously waiting for the episode. Firefox dies. SONOFA... I reload Firefox and go back to the site, pick the episode, pick the last 10 minutes and yes... fucking Zales commercial again. Sigh. Fine, sit through it again and the episode starts... and stops for no reason. GAWD DAMN IT! I sit impatiently waiting for it to start again, it doesn’t, and no amount of clicking gets it to start, so back around to the start again, and the dreaded I want to kill someone by now Zales commercial. I’m convinced that they put these glitches in there so by the time you get to see the episode, your ready to go out and shop for diamonds for complete strangers.

I FINALLY get the last 10 minutes to play and after all of that anger and frustration of trying to get it to play, the whole end of the episode was diminished somewhat. I hate Vanessa Carlton for selling out to Zales, I never want to see a diamond in this house and I chain smoked half a pack of cigs in frustration.

Speaking of commercials, why is Johnson & Johnson sucking up to nurses? That song on that commercial is truly annoying as well, as are most commercials songs, but I was just wondering why they blow all that money to tell nurses that they are wonderful. What’s in it for the company, I wonder.

Next up: my experiences with quitting smoking using Chantix. Hubby quit about two months ago using and didn’t experience hardly any of the cool side effects (vivid dreams, homicidal tendencies) so I’ll be ranting about the fun of nausea and giving up smokes.

Snow, Among Other Things

2007-12-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up to the local weather people gleefully screaming about snow falling. In Maryland, where I live, snow is a big event. The mere mention of snow can send thousands of people running to the store to buy: bread, milk, toilet paper. I’ve never figured out this combination, but those are the three staples that disappear out of stores whenever the hint of snow or hurricanes are mentioned.

Even though no snow had touched the ground when I woke up, I dutifully dialed the snow line. The place where I work has an actual phone number to call to see if the place is closed due to bad weather. I was hoping they were anticipating the worst and had closed the building for the rest of the year, but no such luck. I had to trudge into work. Of course the moment I got in my truck, it started snowing.

It was a pleasant walk from the parking spot into the hole. The hole is what I call the place where I work. Parking is about 3 miles from the hole (ok, its not THAT far, but when its cold, raining, or snowing it feels like it), walked in the building and down the stairs and followed an amazing trail of dried coffee all the way to the door of the place where I work. At first I thought someone had a major coffee leak going on, then realized that the cleaning people must have carried out a bag that had a full coffee cup in it and a leak. It was dried, so apparently the cleaning people don’t really “clean”. Now I have a wonderful trail of dried coffee stains to follow to my office place. It’ll be there forever, nobody will ever clean it up and most likely they’ll wax over it, preserving it for eternity.

I had a momentary heart attack when the page to the CNN feed wouldn’t load. Weeping uncontrollably, I clicked refresh until it got fixed. Its the ONLY thing that keeps me from going insane in that place. Its sorta like my security blanket of sanity.

Mid-way through the long, dull morning I felt a hair tickling my nose. Owning three northern breed dogs that shed 365 days a year, I’m use to having fur and hair all over me, so I tried to pick it off... but it wouldn’t come off. Momentary panic thinking it was attached harkening back to the day when I was standing for a graduation picture and realized that I had a gigantically long chin hair. I’m a woman, I shouldn’t have chin hair, what the fuck is this growing on my chin. My mother neglected to tell me about the cruel tricks that hormones play on women. I just thought that the women I had seen with horrible moles with fur and chin hairs were an anomaly. I began to panic, thinking that I would now be saddled with shaving the chin hairs (the one spread to another, now I have two that sprout at a moment’s notice) but I’d be plucking mutant nose hairs... then it came out, thankfully. It was a dog hair.

The snow had begun to accumulate by the time I got home, so a 15 minute drive took 30 minutes, mainly because I got behind some moron that needed to drive at 40mph on a highway. Generally, it was a crappy day all around, with more crappy expected tomorrow when the snow freezes and I drive to work on an ice skating rink.

Could you BE any more sensitive?

2007-12-04T15:35:00.000-08:00

So today (like I do every work day) I had the headphones on listening to CNN (watching only the interesting parts, which there were none) and heard a “breaking” report about a small plane crashing in Delaware.

Ok, so I looked at that, only because the puppet head news readers were making such a big deal about the carnage and burnt track the plane left. They almost seemed as though they were slathering at the ruins of the plane. It was at this point that the guy puppet head nearly screeched “we’ve just been told that there was one victim of this crash, and that person BURNED TO DEATH”. He almost seemed gleeful when he said it. Then he said it like 7 more times as he explained over and over and over again that a plane crashed and one person BURNED TO DEATH.

I’m all for getting the news out there in a timely fashion and all, but do these morons not realize that the deceased person’s loved ones may be waking up, drinking their coffee, watching CNN only to hear that a small plane (which daddy/husband/brother was flying) has crashed and he BURNED TO DEATH? Did I, or any of the other viewers really need to know that this poor soul BURNED TO DEATH? Did puppet head guy even know the poor person BURNED TO DEATH? They barely could figure out that a plane crashed, didn’t even know how many people were in it, but seemed pretty confident that one person BURNED TO DEATH during the accident. How nice.

I didn’t get to hear any updates on that story because the puppet headed vultures realized that parts of Washington State and Oregon literally washed and blew away last night and there was good footage of death and destruction, so the poor guy that BURNED TO DEATH was old news.

I’m sure his loved ones don’t think so.

Its The Most Expensive Time of the Year

2007-12-02T06:55:00.000-08:00

I hate Christmas-time. Not only because I’m a neo-pagan surrounded by the festive people running into each other for a parking space at the overly crowded mall, and people getting into fist fights over the last Guitar Hero box for their loved one.

No, I hate Christmas-time because every December, something major breaks in our house and causes us to delve deeper into debt.

Notable things that have broken in December:

1.) Squirrel electrocuted itself on our power line and took out our old fridge
2.) Dishwasher opted to spew its water onto the floor instead of clean our dishes
3.) Stove began to spark and flame shortly after thanksgiving (no pumpkin pie that year)
4.) A rat that was sitting on the exterior heat pump intake let his little tail dangle into the fan, so that when the fan turned on, puree rat and dead heat pump.
5.) Our dog ruptured his disk and required $7,000 surgery (he’s fine now, thankfully) on CHRISTMAS DAY.

So, when I let our dogs out this morning and heard drip, drip, drip, it came as absolutely, positively no surprise to me that one of our copper pipes had sprung a leak. Why now? What could have possibly happened right this very second to cause a copper pipe that worked perfectly fine when we went to bed to now spew forth with water? Who knows, other than its December and these things happen.

Since it was 5am we opted to be nice and not call the 24 hour plumber that charges by the job and not by the hour, we decided to wait until a more sane hour to call. Apparently we should have been assholes and called because now they’re going to try to “squeeze us in” between noon and 4pm, as other people not as nice as us have already called about their pipes bursting for no reason and now we don’t know if we’ll even get it fixed today.

In a normal house, all we would need to do is turn off the water that goes to that pipe (its apparently one of the main intake pipes, of course), but in our house, the house that was built by morons that did everything on the cheap, we hardly have any shut off valves to anything, which means if one pipe goes, we generally have to shut off the water to the whole house. Which is what we had to do.

Shutting off water to the entire house means no water, period. Of course, the very second we shut the water off to the entire house I wanted coffee, which requires water. The dog bowls were empty, which require water. Flushing the toilet requires water. Its a never ending requirement of water. We put a few buckets down to catch the leak water, turned the water on and filled up bowls, pitchers, coffee pots and everything else that would hold water, then shut it off again. Hubby immediately flushes the toilet after that and curses. Its going to be a good day.

One nice thing is that I truly have a reason for not doing laundry or the dishes. Unfortunately without that task to do, I’m forced to do some of the other things that I’ve been procrastinating on for weeks and using the “must do laundry and dishes” excuse. Sonofa...

Our Trip to Hell.... House

2007-12-01T15:57:00.000-08:00

Hubby is a freelance photographer, so most weekends we plot out a place to go shoot (and in Maryland, when you say that in public you quickly add the word PICTURES to the end of that sentence).

After some Web investigation, we found a place called Hell House, which is purported to be haunted and have some sort of cryptic satanic past. Cool, that's a place for us, lets go!

Armed with the nav in the 4-runner, off we went in search of Patapsco State Park, where the infamous Hell House resided. We made a minor stop at McD's for something to eat because we were starving. Starving is the ONLY reason we stop at McD's, and its cheap, although you can buy a nice can of dog food at the supermarket cheaper than a "meal" at McD's and I'm sure the dog food is tastier and more nutritious (as long as it isn't produced in China and contains fillers such as laminate from plastic, even then it probably passes easier than a McFish).

As I have a perpetually runny nose, and our truck contained a woeful lack of kleenex, I was confident that the 6,000 lbs of napkins usually provided with a McD's meal would suffice, except that the idiot at the drive through didn't give us any napkins. I was faced with a choice of snorfling or blowing my nose on the food receipt. The song Aqualung came to mind, but I digress.

The handy nav in the truck guided us to the Patapsco State Park, and we found a parking space under a railroad trestle. After taking some pics of an old abandoned looking factory, we saw parts of an old building up a very, incredibly very steep hill. I, like a fool, thought I could scramble up there, but gave up half way up and slid back down on my butt dragging my Kate Spade bag behind me. I totally don't respect my Kate Spade bag and I like that I don't respect it. I see some people carrying these pristine just out of the store looking black messenger bags and mine is covered in dog fur, dirt, scratched up, and most likely I've blown my nose on it and dripped McFish tarter sauce on it. I've been contemplating cartooning on it, but I have to find the right pens to do it first. That will make some women blow a gasket, I'm sure. But once again, I digress.

After walking around for a bit we discovered... STAIRS. How handy! You mean you don't have to climb up a cliff to get to it, somebody conveniently built stairs to the building? What a concept, so up the stairs we went. I'm guessing that back in the day they weren't very handicapped accessible because I was wheezing and my thighs ached half way up. Fine, I'm not in the best of shape to begin with, but I'm sure I could get up there faster than someone in a wheelchair, so shut the fuck up.

Once up there, we found another windy path and yet more stairs (good lord), got up there and lo and behold, there was Hell House... except now it was Hell Pile of Bricks. Our Web investigation should have led to one more site that explained that the whole place was knocked down a year ago. DAMMIT!

We followed another road and found some kind of religious shrine that had been summarily tagged by graffiti people, and what appears to be a fire place of some kind, and that's about it. All that walking for nothing, but here's a picture of the shrine thing for your viewing enjoyment.

The Art of Procrastination

2007-11-29T15:35:00.000-08:00

Why is it that I can spend all day at work thinking of things that I’d rather be doing at home, write extensive lists of all the things that I should or could be doing, then get home and have absolutely NO motivation to do any of it.

When you are at work, cleaning up dog poo is more appealing than sitting in an office. I can be so productive thinking of lists of things that I have to do when I’m at work, then sit and stare at that list when I get home and find no motivation to do any of the things that seemed like a good idea, or needed to do. This means that the list continues to grow, which leads me into a whole panic because now I have this big list of things to do that I’m not motivated to do.

Sometimes I take the coward way out and just cross the stuff off, deeming it not essential to the continuance of life. Some of the things are stupid things and don’t really need to be done, or don’t actually need to be put on a list. Laundry, for example. You always have to do laundry, so why bother putting it on a list. Dishes, the same thing, there’s always dishes. Sometimes I think of the whole futility of housework. It never ends.

Ok, so its really hard to rant when you’re watching Eddie Murphy “Delirious” on Youtube while you are trying to rant.

I hadn’t seen that in a zillion years, and by coincidence, something happened that made me look on youtube to see if they had it. Here’s the coincidence:

I read on someone’s blog about the Black Friday stampedes and there was a link to a video where some poor older woman got knocked down in the stampede and she lost her wig. I sent the link to some friends, one of which responded: “Oh lawdy, lawdy, I’m falling down the stairs... my wig”.

That made me go to Youtube and sure enough, some kind soul had uploaded the whole thing in sections. Now I’m watching it again, and you know what... STILL FREAKING FUNNY!

Ok, so I can’t even begin to rant about how I’m obsessive compulsive about writing lists of things to do that I never get around to doing, then feel like a failure because I don’t do the things that I write on my list.

Thanks Mr. Murphy (I don’t know you well enough to call you Eddie) for making me forget that I’m a failure.

Where Did All This Crap Come From?

2007-11-25T10:41:00.000-08:00

I just spent a few hours in our cluttered back room. Ok, cluttered isn’t the right word for it, its more like a hoarder’s dream room. Boxes and boxes, piles and piles, stuffed, crammed, and over-flowing with junk.

We haven’t used anything back there in years, so I have no idea why its back there. Oddly enough, we have a storage room that we rent that is also full of crap that’s never been touched in about 5 years. Why?

I DON’T FREAKING KNOW!!!!

Every time I walk through there to let the dogs out back I think “I need to purge this stuff”, and then I’ll walk back into the house. Well, enough is enough. It got to me today, and I spent a good 3 hours ripping the guts out of computers, and stacking broken non-working monitors into a pile. How did we collect so many computers? Where did this stuff come from? Why are we keeping it?

I suspect that my husband is a hoarder, as none of this stuff is actually mine. I’m a minimalist. I have clothes, I have one laptop, everything I’ve bought fits on one bookshelf, and the rest is his. I’m currently surrounded by 5 other computers, a printer (that doesn’t work with my mac) 2 filing cabinets full of stuff that isn’t mine, 5 wall shelves filled with junk that isn’t mine, and frankly I’m getting claustrophobic.

Dear hubby always says “we can sell it on ebay”. Um, who is going to want a viewsonic 15 inch monitor that doesn’t work? Who is going to want a container full of computer parts that we really have no idea what they are? I’m sure that 9600 baud modem will go for a lot, maybe to a museum, but museums typically expect you to DONATE things to them, not pay for their exhibit materials.

Purging all of this junk is tricky when it comes to circumnavigating a hoarder. First he wanted to “inspect” each computer before I took it to the dump. Why? Don’t know. I tried to hook up an old printer to my mac, but it wouldn’t even turn on, so I tossed it in a contractor bag and hauled the bag to the curb. He got mad that I was throwing HIS stuff away. It doesn’t work... would you like me to make it into a bookend? That thought has crossed my mind, taking the bin of computer parts and welding it into something artistic like a swan.

Little by little I fill up a garbage bag of junk and take it to the curb, disguising it as common household garbage. On Fridays, when I’m off and he works, I giggle fiendishly as I drag bag upon bag, load upon load to the local dump. I do have to be careful that I don’t toss something that he may actually want later on. “Honey, what happened to that Windows 3.1.1 video card we use to have for a proprietary computer that was bent into the shape of a “U” that I need for something right this very second?” Yes, its happened before, that look of a deer in headlights when he asks for something that I know full well went to the dump one friday. Usually I guide him to the back room and point to the precariously piled plastic boxes that will tip and crush a human at the slightest touch and say “I think I recall it being in a bin on the bottom in the back”. That usually deters him from trying to get it. Then he’ll make some snide comment about cleaning up that room, and it takes everything in my being not to bash him in the head with the weed whacker I just uncovered after 4 years of being buried beneath the pile of junk.

Epson Sucks

2007-11-24T16:53:00.000-08:00

Hubby is a freelance photographer.

Hubby has the best digital SLR, the best everything, including what we thought was one of the best photo printers out there, the Epson Stylus R1800. Best until we upgraded to Mac Leopard that is.

Sure, we can blame Apple and Leopard for practically EVERYTHING not working on our computers, but for the most part, all we had to do was go up to the manufacturer's website and download the latest upgrades or newest drivers and everything worked... EXCEPT the Epson Stylus R1800.

Ok, so we go up to the Epson site to download the latest drivers. Oh, they aren't there. They have new drivers for the Mac-Intels, but not for the PowerPC computers. Isn't that just grand! We didn't realize that this was a big deal until hubby had a photo shoot and had to print out proof sheets and got what looked like scrambled eggs run over by a car 600 or 700 times. Oh, we need the new drivers, BUT THERE AREN'T ANY. Why? I don't know. You would think that Epson would offer drivers for the Mac-Intel AND the PowerPC, but NOOOOOO.

That's what I love about the technology biz. Everyone just assumes that you go out weekly and buy the latest computers. Heaven forbid you would actually use a computer for say, oh, more than a year. Everyone must have the latest computers and the latest software, and the latest everything. We are, after all, just literally pooping out money to go blow on the latest technology aren't we? Why on earth would we waste our time developing a driver for a TWO year old computer? Who on earth would use such an antiquated old thing, its all of TWO years old.

HP, on the other hand, is actually working with Mac and will be delivering updated drivers through the Mac updates. That's nice, that's really nice. EXCEPT I DON'T HAVE AN HP PRINTER!!!

After blowing over $500 on an Epson high end photo printer, I'm waiting for my next bowel movement so I can afford to toss that Epson piece of crap on the curb and go buy a nice $700 HP photo printer.

And people wonder why the cost of photographs are so high. Gee, next time someone asks, I'll hand them a slip of paper with the Epson CEO's e-mail address on it and say "ask this moron".

Recycling: Not My Problem

2007-11-18T08:57:00.000-08:00

A recent article on CNN reports that computers turned in for recycling are being shipped to other countries where the process to retrieve usable parts is more dangerous to the environment than just throwing the stuff in a dump.

“Experts” now tell us that we need to research the companies where we donate, toss, throw, dump our electronics to make sure they are not shipping overseas or disposing of them improperly. Um, screw that.

My local dump now has containers for people to throw their used computer gear. I happen to have a ton of used, old, doesn’t work computer gear clogging up my back room. The moment I found out I could take it there, I started loading that crap up (gutting the parts out first, like hard drives) and hauling it to the dump. What do they do with it? I don’t know and I don’t care because once its in their pile, I could care less. What I do care about is that its no longer stacked in my back room collecting dust. I’m certainly not going to spend the time researching what they’re doing with it, because I’m sure that they’ll say one thing, it’ll be another, and no amount of research on my part will reveal the true, evil nature of their disposal. Frankly, I could care less if they pile it into someone else’s house, I just want it gone and how they do that is frankly none of my concern.

This all goes toward proving my theory that this global warming/recycling crap is just a way for companies to make more money on the “Save the world” hype. I’m sure companies just jumped on this whole recycle computer thing popped up and I’m sure that with this article, other companies will pop up that will vow and swear to get rid of your computer gear in a safe and earth friendly way... for a fee. Yeah, bite me.

I’ll continue taking my computer crap to the dump, and let whoever has it then deal with it. Not my problem anymore. Don’t tell me to recycle and then when I do, tell me that I have to recycle a certain way. Set up the proper infrastructure and do it the right way but don’t try to put the onus on me to make sure my antiquated X86 gets recycled properly.

The Stupid People Are Taking Over

2007-11-17T09:53:00.000-08:00

More and more I grow disillusioned by people. I truly believe that some time after I was born, people started being born without a common sense gene. I don’t know if its a genetic thing, or an environmental thing that is causing this lack of gene, but more and more I’m convinced that the common sense gene is being replaced by the incredibly stupid gene, as more and more people breed willy nilly like feral cats.

Case in point is a story I read about a woman that is being investigated for neglecting her mother. Suffering from MS and old, this poor woman apparently was kept in such squalor that when the police came to the house TWO DAYS after her death when it was reported, that even with respirators on, they could only stand being in the house for 5 minutes before being forced to leave. Not only did this poor woman have rotting flesh and maggots on her, but the entire house was filled with rotting trash, garbage, rotting, moldy food, and used sanitary napkins and adult diapers clogging the toilets. A 9 year old child also lived in this house!

Click here to read the article.

I happen to think that one of the MOST disturbing aspects of this story are the comments made by her neighbor, and I quote from the story: "She took care of the important things in her life, the people things, herself and her daughter. Yes, she let the house go. Ok, that's what I would do," “Letting the house go” is more like not vacuuming for a month, not having used adult diapers clogging the toilet and allowing your sick mother rot to death in a bed filled with maggots.

More and more I read stories of people doing incredibly stupid and harmful things, but they are absolved of all responsibility because “well, she meant to do good things”. Animal hoarders whose houses are filled with feces and urine, dead animals, animals with sores and suffering are called “tragic, because she/he tried to care for them but got in over their head”. Others are labeled with a “sickness” and “need help”, which they probably never get, and are allowed to have animals again and start the cycle all over again.

We have to stop enabling the stupid. We have to stop protecting the stupid. If we continue to allow them to breed, our civilization is doomed.

The hole

2007-11-12T16:12:00.001-08:00

The Presidential Elections

2007-11-11T04:40:00.000-08:00

I once tried my hand at getting into the whole political process. My parents were staunch democrats and actually went to a whole bunch of campaign things and made signs and posters and stumped for their favorite candidates (who invariably lost). They defended that whole Jimmy Carter bad mojo tenure saying the gas crisis and recession was the fault of the republicans and he was just trying to dig us out of that mess.

They almost disowned me when I admitted that I was a republican. Hey, I was in the military and the republicans are always good to the military, so you don’t bite the hand that feeds you, especially on our meager military “salary”. Even when I got out I became one of the bloated government contractor types, and once again, the republicans love contractors who help the military.

My experience in politics made me bitter and jaded though, and I actually switched parties out of vengeance when a consumer protection bill I had been trying to get passed in the Maryland General Assembly was labeled as “one of the top 10 silliest bills”. I didn’t think it was silly that people were getting ripped off by greedy and unscrupulous pet cemetery owners, but hey, that’s why I’m a democrat now.

I was going to “be” a Libertarian, but then realized that most Libertarians don’t have anyone to vote for in the primaries. Typically failed politicians not voted into their party’s elite switch to Libertarian so they can run for the big brass ring. They aren’t Libertarians, they don’t think like Libertarians, they just run under that because its better than running under the green party or the Pat Paulsen party.

I’ve read a bit about our current gaggle of presidential runners and frankly, none of them strike me as presidential material. Wait, let me step back a moment: none of them meet my criteria as presidential material. I want a strong, decisive person that has the best interest of the country in their heart and in their decisions. What I’ve seen so far is the usual speeches that tell the attending crowd what they want to hear, depending on what state and what crowd they’re speaking to.

So, here’s what I want from our next leader:

1.) I can’t figure out how to do my taxes and live in constant fear that I’ve misread the 5 zillion pages of convoluted instructions and didn’t pay enough. Just take a freakin percentage out of my paycheck and leave me alone.

2.) Get all of our troops out of foreign countries and bring them all back here and have them guard our borders and secure our nation. If we don’t have gazillions of armed soldiers all over the world looking like they are threatening other countries, then maybe those other countries won’t be building nuclear weapons.

3.) Build factories to make stuff instead of importing it from other countries. Not only would that solve the unemployment in this country, but we could actually eat and play with toys without fear of being poisoned. Plus, if we aren’t forking over zillions of dollars to foreign countries then they won’t be able to afford to make nuclear weapons.

4.) Syria hates Palestine, Pakistan isn’t holding elections, Afghanistan is growing poppies for illegal drugs... who freakin cares, let them do what they want. Sure it sucks in Darfur, but they caused it, let them figure it out, we aren’t the global Dr. Phil. Think we should help them? Well how about helping out your neighbor or the zillions of homeless here in the U.S. or helping people who can’t afford health care, or helping those that can’t make ends meet because their job got outsourced to China or India.

Now while all of this seems a tad bit naive and easy to fix, it doesn’t seem to be working out the way every other President has run it, so why not give simplicity a shot.

Examples of Insanity

2007-10-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

A school district in Kentucky will be shutting down their entire school system on Monday to disinfect the schools because a student in that district died of the SUPERBUG.

This was announced today... um... while I applaud their proactive stance of disinfecting the school (despite the fact it probably won’t do any good because “experts” have said that kids can get it from sharing a towel with someone... euw, even the the MEDIA screams that its the next plague and we’ll all die of it because its uncontrollable... except for those antibiotics the “experts” say will kill it) why are they doing it Monday? Why don’t they get off their butts and disinfect the school during the weekend?

For the safety of the kids, they’ll closing the schools on Monday, which means parents will need to either stay home from their jobs to watch their children, or pay to find some other place to watch them. The kids lose a day of learning (and from the news reports I’m hearing, they can’t afford to miss one day because they can barely read once they graduate), so why do it Monday, why not right now? Why can’t the school board get in there with their cleaning rags (don’t share those) and scrub down that school on the weekend?

Mothers Against Drunk Driving has sent a letter to Mothers Against Illegal Aliens telling them to stop using the “Mothers Against” words because people may think the illegal alien hating moms are the same moms that hate drunk drivers. Um, I think I can tell the difference. Here is the list that I found of “Mothers Against” organizations:

Mothers against peeing standing up
Mothers against circumcision
Mothers against jesus
Mothers against videogame addiction and violence
Mothers against methamphetamine
Mothers against noise
Mothers against Arpaio
Mothers against Maddox
Mothers against star wars galaxies
mothers against the draft (probably hasn’t been busy there since we don’t have one)
mothers against misuse and abuse
mothers against munchausen by proxy allegations
mothers against sexual abuse
mothers against guns
mothers against school hazing
mothers against teen violence
mothers against dog chaining
mothers against gang wars
mothers against noise
mothers against brie and chardonney
Mother against murder and aggression
mothers against burning tires
mothers against blogging
mothers against brain injury
mothers against genetic engineering
mothers against fathers in arrears

The list goes on... guess MADD is all for those other things, apparently not so much against illegal aliens.

Ok all you mothers, don’t be against anything, because that’s copyrighted!

Hand Painted... digitally?

2007-10-21T14:22:00.001-07:00

Hubby and I were walking through the mall last night and I saw this in a camera store (I've removed identifiers that would most likely get me sued for goofing on this).

Its a placard under a "portrait" that advertises "digitally hand painted" portraits.

Granted, I've seen some VERY nice digital paintings. When I think digital paintings, I see someone with a blank slate who uses the digital pad and pen to freehand paint either something in their head, or recreate something they are looking at. What this store was selling looked suspiciously like a digital program that with a click of a button, turns a picture into something that resembles a painting, that was printed onto canvas to make it look more like a painting. Every flaw from the photograph was there, every detail, everything. Its something that any third grader can do with a reasonably priced photo editor and printer. Once click and TAHDAH!

Ok great, if you don't have a computer, or the computer savvy of a third grader and can't do this for yourself and want it done, fine, but to call it "hand painted"?

I have the highest regard for people that embroider. They take actual needles, and actual thread, and they use the needle and thread to follow a pattern and make something pretty cool looking. It takes a lot of work, time, and probably more than a few pokes from the needle.

On the other hand, you now have sewing machines that you plop a USB card into with a picture, load up the right color thread and that sucker spews out the exact replica of the picture on the card. All the person has to do is... nothing, they could be in another room watching tv for all you know, and yet they expect the same admiration and ooohing and aahing as if they spent months painstakingly poking needle through fabric and doing it by hand. That's not art, that's lazy and sweat shop-like.

We're becoming a mass production "art" machine. Just about anyone with a computer and printer can make their own cards, invitations, t-shirts, or whatever and usually "borrow" other people's hard work to get the perfect picture to slap on those things. Its not the finished product that counts, its actually HOW you get the finished project.

Taking something from your head and creating it yourself, not slapping a pre-made template into a machine and printing it out, there's no glory or pride in that.

Stop making things seem like something else. If you take a picture, click a button, print it on a canvas, don't call it "hand painted". If you smoosh paints on a pallet, use a brush and paint something you are looking at or have in your head... that's hand painted.

Coming Soon to a School Near You

2007-10-19T15:30:00.001-07:00

How Do These Things Happen?

2007-10-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

Last night hubby and I went to a school charity Bull and Oyster Roast at a local volunteer fire department hall.

I had heard of these mysterious “Bull and Oyster Roast” things mostly in conjunction with fund-raising, but had never attended one mainly because:

1.) I don’t like oysters. Raw oysters are nasty, phlegm-like and frankly if I wanted that sensation, I just have to wait until I catch my next cold and experience it for free. Not only that, but I hear there are some nasty illnesses you can get from eating those things, so I’ll pass.

2.) Unless they are roasting a whole bull on a spit, I’m guessing the “bull” part is beef, and frankly you can get that anywhere, so even if its for a good cause, why spend $35 to go to a dreary volunteer fire department hall and eat beef?

As I expected, we arrived and knew nobody, well, hubby knew one guy from work, the one that sold him the tickets, the rest were strangers all grouped at tables by who knew who. We sat at a table alone for the most part. The “bull and oyster roast” was actually coleslaw (tasty), cooked shreds of ham, turkey, and beef (there’s the bull part), but no oysters. Hey! How can you call it a bull and oyster roast if there are no oysters. Sure, the cookies were good, but I felt cheated because I didn’t get a chance to rant about the nasty consistency of raw oysters and their inherent diseases to complete strangers.

The entertainment consisted of someone spinning a wheel, people putting money on numbers and if the wheel hit that number, they won money. Um... wait a minute, isn’t that gambling and illegal in the state of Maryland?

They also had a raffle, and were selling tickets to a 50/50 thing where they spun a wheel and if the number on your ticket matched... hey, isn’t that gambling. I felt as though any moment we’d be raided by a government agency and arrested.

The entertainment that night was a DJ. Ok, these people make a living (usually a side-living) by playing music for people who can’t (and usually don’t) dance, but this one took it to the very extreme by being... proactive and chipper. Disgustingly chipper, and chatty. He did lame magic tricks with members of the audience (yawn), then they “played a game” where team members had to put on wacky clothes and run back wearing the wacky clothes, take said wacky clothes off and another person dashed across the dance floor and put on the wacky clothes. I thought the funniest thing about this “contest” was that the losing team actually seemed very upset by the fact that the other team “cheated”. Are you kidding me? They’re arguing over a wacky game?

Placated by a funny plastic hat given to all participants (oh brother) the “real” music began... the Electric Slide.

This is where the whole “how do these things happen” topic starts. How does this crap start, spread, and get danced all over the world? Everything from the chicken dance, to the YMCA song, these things have to start somewhere by some idiot, but how do they spread all over, and why? Apparently the “Electric Slide” according to Wikipedia was started by someone in 1976, but actually found its “craze” in 1989. The person that “created” it, actually sues those that post people doing it wrong on video upload sites. Are ya kidding me?

For some reason I was never a participant of such line dancing, having been scarred for life during the whole “disco” craze, and being forced to suffer through “disco dancing” in high school PE class (I’m guessing that was the beginning of the end for high school PE and the very cause of the obesity problem in school children, but call me crazy).

So, last night I sat in awe as people sat out of other dance tunes, but like zombies with no minds, the moment that song started, lurched to the dance floor and did the steps. It was all women too, which bolsters the following theory:

1.) women like to dance, so they drag their husbands and boyfriends to dance places where their male significant others refuse to dance.
2.) women can only pee in groups
3.) out of necessity and the need to dance, the pee groups came out of the bathroom one time, heard a catchy little tune and created a dance (since the “creator” of the electric slide is sue happy, I expect my lawsuit summons in the mail at any moment for saying that women who have peed created this “fad”)
4.) Once the pee group got snippy with each other over something stupid, each member of the pee group started a new pee group, passing on the wacky dance to them, and from there it spread like wildfire because women tend to argue about stupid things and dump their friends for the smallest infraction (before any women sue me, I’m a woman, shut up, I know what I’m talking about)

So, we can thank women with small bladders and the need to dance in groups without their men for suffering through this crap at functions big and small. Now, I’d really like to know who put old Glen Miller dance tunes to a funky beat and strangle them, the same goes for those Macarena morons.

Free Benefits

2007-08-24T18:42:00.001-07:00

Chicken Little Meets the Brooklyn Bridge Salesman

2007-03-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

For years now, “scientists” have been claiming that we humans have caused a HUGE hole in the ozone that will be the death of the earth. First of all, does it take a major degree to figure out that it won’t be the death of the earth, as it will continue spinning merrily through space, it just won’t have us living on it anymore. I’m sure it’ll be just as happy spinning merrily through space without us, as it did with us, so claiming that a hole in the ozone will destroy earth is a bit of an exaggeration. I think if they were really serious about this whole ozone hole thing, they would have a better marketing strategy such as:
“If we don’t clean up our carbon emissions, there won’t be a Survivor or American Idol next year”. That would get people to sit up and take notice, now don’t you think?

So, here we are at present day, with celebrities and politicians now jumping onto the “green” wagon (and I don’t mean green party) all spouting about how we (lowly minimum wage workers who can barely afford a car let alone the gas to put into it), need to cut back on our “carbon footprint”. Carbon footprint? I can smell a high paid consultant anywhere when the buzzwords start a’ flying.

Ok, we lowly minions say, we can do that... but why are you flying all over the world in private jets, driving hummers, and smoking cigars in places where we can’t?

CRAP! They’re on to us! What do we do now?

Of course! Create a company that will relieve you of all guilt associated with the lifestyle you’ve grown to love and refuse to give back no matter how much it speeds the earth’s atmosphere into dissolving human flesh like acid. Its perfect, because not only do you SEEM as though you care enough for everyone else by purchasing these amazing “carbon offsets”, but you also profit since you are a stockbroker in these companies! My GAWD, you can have your cake and eat it too! Now as you wing your way to the Academy Awards in your private jet with your entourage, you can gleefully announce that the carbon footprint of your trip was totally erased by your paying some company (that you happen to own stock in) an outrageous amount of money to plant trees somewhere that cost mere pennies.

Of course all of those tree plantings won’t erase that bad press about your gigantic mansion sucking in electricity and spewing out a carbon footprint the size of Texas. So much power consumed that you could have provided enough electricity for an entire third world country for a year, but hey, you argue... I’m in the process of swapping out those pool lights for some energy saving halogens, so it’ll take a while before that registers on the ol “carbon footprint” meter. Besides, I just invested even more money in carbon offsets, which will decimate an entire rain forest in order for my company to plant non indigenous maple trees in the Bahamas.

Better yet, how about all you rich do-gooders and “activists” stick your carbon footprint where it belongs and frankly if the earth is uninhabitable in a hundred years, I’m going to be dead, so I don’t give a flying whiz. Besides, aren’t we suppose to get smacked by a huge comet before then, so I’ll just drive my car all over the place, cut down some trees, and maybe build me a nice crackly bonfire. Anyone got a match?

Stupid Weather People

2007-02-13T15:41:00.000-08:00

So, last night I get all excited because the weather people are screeching, keening, pulling out their hair and promising all sorts of snowfall that will cause mass chaos and certain closing of schools and businesses. Its hard not to get swept up in the frenzy, because getting a closure has the same thrill no matter if you are 10 or 44.

I woke up this morning, tingling with excitement and look out my window to see.... absolutely NOTHING. Not a flake of snow to be seen anywhere. Nothing, nada, zilch. Work, of course, was open for business, but since the weather was predicted to become crappy, you could take leave without asking for it beforehand. Ok, this doesn’t help me any, since I’ve drained most of my vacation taking my spine injured dog to follow up appointments, or dealing with stupid legal things. I trudge into work (where more than half of my co-workers don’t show up), and the moment I get in the truck... it starts snowing.

Around noon its getting nasty and I say screw it and go home and stay home. It continues to get nasty and schools start closing and businesses start closing, and generally the state of Maryland comes to a grinding halt. So what about tomorrow?

How can it be 29 degrees (but it feels like 14) and we get freezing rain? Wasn’t there something in some long ago biology class that I didn’t pay that much attention to at the time that said when it gets to 32 or below, this thing called SNOW falls? Since when did freezing rain come into the its freezing and yet water still falls from the sky, freezing the moment it hits the ground to create the highway ice rink of doom? And why is it that we will be getting down to around 14 degrees (feels like 0) and yet we’ll be getting torrential downpours of freezing rain all the way up until its time to go to work... and then it’ll just be rain.

What this means to me is that at MOST work will give us a 2 hour delay for coming in. This means that not only will I be late coming in on the ice rink of doom, but so will everyone else. This also means that I’ll be working into work in sub-zero temperatures on the ice rink sidewalk to hell. Amazingly enough, around 3pm, the rain will once again turn into the cheerful sounding “wintry mix” (makes you think of that crappy “nut assortment” that gets tossed at you by cheap hosts), at which point they’ll “release” us so that a zillion people at the same time will be making a mad dash out of the parking lot skating rink of hades for the skating rink of certain death highway and to their probably lost power hours ago frozen pipes now a frozen swimming pool homes.

I’m so excited.

I’m also wondering why I can’t be as accurate in my work as meteorologists and still keep my job. There’s a 20% chance that the thing you needed me to finish by today will be done, with a chance of partly finished, and a 10 day forecast of me hiding in the coffee shop while you try to hunt me down. Yeah, save me a spot in the unemployment line.

Global Warming Rant

2007-02-02T09:07:00.000-08:00

A bunch of extremely well-paid scientists have written a paper that says that global warming is our fault, but there’s not a lot we can do about it. Ok, thank you, lets get on with our lives then shall we.

But wait! Even though we found the problem that we can’t do anything about, why are scientists now flying all over the place (spewing out fossil fuels that have been proven by them to trash our world) to have “working groups” about what this means to everyone?

Without spending a zillion dollars, and also flying all over the world, which will shorten the lifespan of humans on earth even more, this is what it means to everyone:

It’ll be hotter in places where it normally doesn’t get too hot
It’ll be colder in places where it normally doesn’t get too cold
Some places will have more water
Some places will have less water
We either adapt to it or go by the way of the dinosaur

The whole idea of “saving the earth” is ridiculous. They make it sound like a cause for the continuation of the earth’s existence, but what they’re really saying is that humans will be extinct. The earth will still be spinning gleefully around space, probably happy that the morons living on it are no longer screwing with it. A gazillion years after we’re gone by way of ice age, or flood, or whatever, the earth may spew out some little creature in the ooze that its created, and one can only hope that a less pompous, less wasteful creature will evolve and simply enjoy what the earth has given them, and not use it for its greed and ruin it again.

In the meantime, since we can’t do anything about this “problem” in my lifetime, I’ll just continue zooming around in my SUV and clogging up the ozone. After all, since social security will be bankrupt I’ll have very little to leave the next generation of people on the planet... so why not leave them with something they can figure out a way to clean up... that’ll keep them busy.

New Blogger Test

2007-01-14T13:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, just switched over to the new blogger. One annoyance already is that if I’m signed into gmail, and log out of blogger, it boots me out of gmail. There’s no place on blogger to get to gmail, there’s no place that says “sign out of blogger, but not out of gmail”. So freakin stupid.

Stop Spending My Money

2006-12-23T05:23:00.000-08:00

I just read a lame opinion piece regarding the recent rescue attempt of the three men in Oregon. The writer suggests and even cites some samples of why we shouldn’t sweat the cost of this rescue mission, as in the end it helps rescuers to train for future rescues, helps with the coordination of rescue teams and law enforcement, and besides... all of these costs will go toward other future hopefully successful rescue missions, so its certainly fair that these costs could be paid back by taxing everything from gas, to hotels, to cell phones.

Excuse me?

Aren’t I taxed enough already? Do you think the American people are a never ending pocket full of money? Our income is taxed, our goods are taxed, our gas is taxed, we’re taxed coming and going, even our deaths are taxed, and you want us to pay more taxes because somebody with the “spirit” to climb got stuck on a mountain?

Could it be that we now NEED to have these types of mountain rescues because people know if they get in trouble that someone (at great expense) will come get them? Do you think that perhaps we wouldn’t have these issues if they were told “get up there and get stuck, you are on your own buddy”.

We need to stop this “save everyone” mentality, especially for those who purposefully put themselves in harm’s way. People don’t HAVE to climb a mountain, and yet I’m footing the bill for their hobby. I have no problem with helping people who find themselves (through no fault of their own) in a bad situation, but why am I paying to find three people who CHOSE to do what they did, knowing the risk and danger. You get into it, you get yourself out of it.

Justifying everything because it’ll help me out in the long run is lame, telling me that I shouldn’t sweat the money (um, its MY money, well, at least until the IRS wants more of it) because it’ll help others who CHOOSE to do dangerous and stupid things... no. Screw them. I’m tired of footing the bill for stupid people.

I think its time that everything taxed needs to be itemized WHY you have to pay this tax. Would people be so willing to pay additional taxes if they got a receipt that said:
Gas: $1.25
Rescue stupid people stuck on a mountain tax: $5.24
Road fix tax that we’ll never get around to fixing: $2.39
Environmental tax to save the Blue Horned Toad: $.06

Instead of prices going up for no reason and just standing by and paying it like lemmings, perhaps we could use tax as a donation system. Do you want to help stupid people get off a mountain? Then make that tax donation. But don’t force me to pay for it. Then, if I ever get stuck on a mountain, you can tell me “hey, you didn’t pay your get stupid people off a mountain tax so we can’t help you”. Which is fine with me, as I don’t plan to purposefully get stuck on a mountain any time soon.

May the Earth Embrace and Care for You!

2006-12-13T14:34:00.000-08:00

Yeah, that’s my “holiday” greeting to everyone. As you may guess, I don’t celebrate christmas, I’m a Neo-Pagan. I have a cool little private ceremony on the 21st (Winter Solstice) and pretty much that’s it for me. No shopping, no gift exchange, no last minute running around for stuff, no decorating (tree killers all of you), no cards, no nothing. I just enjoy the earth, thank it for allowing me a space, and pray that I continue being a good person and enjoy what I have in life, no matter what that is.

So, as someone who doesn’t celebrate the “holidays” as most people, what do I think of all the politically correct hoopla going on? I think the world has gone insane actually. Can you BE any more non-festive? People suing because their religious or belief icon is not displayed in an airport, people ramming cars with their cars getting parking spaces, people freaking out because they don’t know what to say to people in way of a greeting, people fighting over toys, killing over games. Wow! Is this the TRUE spirit of Christmas?

What cracks me up is that if we’re so hyper-sensitive over offending people, why have decorations or ornaments at all? Are the atheists not a big threat in the sue happy world? I would think that if we’re so worried about offending a religion (or lack thereof) then we wouldn’t put ANYTHING up in a public place for fear of pissing those god-less people off.

What’s the big deal about saying “Merry Christmas” to someone anyway, regardless of their belief system? Its yours, that’s your “saying” so freakin say it! If you say it to someone that doesn’t celebrate Christmas, then they should, in return, greet you with whatever it is that they say. What’s so hard about that? Does everyone have to get all hot and bothered because someone “assumed” they celebrate Christmas? That’s not what the greeting means. It means “Hey moron, I celebrate Christmas and I’m greeting you”, its not “Hey moron, I celebrate Christmas so you better celebrate it too or I’ll beat your head in with this tickle me Elmo doll”.

I also wonder if anyone ANYWHERE actually celebrates holidays anymore for their true meaning. To me, holidays mean a sale in a store, not a celebration of our Independence, or to commemorate fallen soldiers who gave their lives for our freedom. It means 50% off, going to a mall, getting a bargain. Does anyone go out to a military cemetery and actually honor the soldiers, or do we just watch a ceremony on tv, call it a holiday and go shopping? I actually remember a time in history where stores were closed on holidays so that people could celebrate, or commemorate, or do whatever it was they did with everyone else. Now, everything is open, and usually they have something on sale. Usually food places name “specials” after the holiday, which I find demeaning and sickening. Come get your 2 patty FREEDOM MEAL with free fries!

What’s with people who scream about Christmas, don’t celebrate it, yet still take that day off? Ok, so I’m given that day off by my company because if I showed up for work, I’d be the only one there, but if we’re suppose to be such a diverse country, why aren’t I interviewed for my belief system and given the appropriate days off instead of the traditionalist holidays off. I’d much rather have December 21st off to celebrate, instead I have to take a rare and fleeting vacation day, or even work and do my little ceremony at the appointed time (in some cases most likely freaking out some people with my little outdoor ceremony, who will never question me about it, for fear that I will sue them). If given the choice of having the 21st of December or the 25th of December off, I’d go with the 21st, as that is my day of “celebration”. There are some people that complain that they don’t get their days of “celebration” off, but should get them off because its a religious thing for them, but don’t want to give up the traditionalist holidays either. Um, that’s not right. You can’t have it both ways. Either or, make a decision and if you choose your religious day off you can come sit with me in an empty building on Christmas. After all, its not YOUR holiday, so it should be just any other day at work... just with less people. Look at it this way, at least you’ll get more work done because people won’t be running around telling you about their shopping sprees. Of course the next day will suck because you have to listen to what everyone did over their three day weekend.

So, do what you do, let other people do what they do, and shut up about it. If you want your religious thing displayed somewhere and it isn’t, go buy one and donate it. I’m sure if you went to someone and said “hey, I would appreciate it if you would accept this thing to display” they would be more likely to actually display it, versus you walking up and saying “here’s this lawsuit because you aren’t displaying a Festivus Pole next to the soon to be dead non-descript non-offense pine tree”

Get a life people, and get busy reading about what the holidays are REALLY all about.

In anticipation of the rebirth of all earth’s belongings

Me

The Way Forward

2006-12-08T04:09:00.000-08:00

So, the news is goofing on President Bush about saying “The Way Forward” over and over and over. Well, duh, that’s just contractor speak and has been used to death on documents for years now.

I’m actually somewhat relieved by the fact that its taken over for the nauseous and non-sensical “Paradigm Shift” of days gone by, perhaps it’ll even take over for “thinking outside the box”, but I doubt that. Thinking outside the box is how you plan the “way forward”. Then there are those who are rebels and use “Way Ahead”, which may be a little short-sighted and only used to get through the next week, whereas the “way forward” suggests a longer term plan, but certainly not a “solution” to a problem. Its more of a machete approach to get through a boggle, then you have to plan the plan for the over-arching solution.

Some other gems expected to make it into the mainstream (remember, you heard it here first) will be adding “centric” to everything. From Net-centric, to war-centric, peace-centric, grocery store-centric, you name it, and “centric” will be added to it.

Another good one is adding “ability” to the end of everything. Sustainability, Re-usability, coffeeability, planability, way forwardability, thinking outside of the boxability, paradigm shiftability. Its all just another way to say the same vague thing, but make it seem much MORE.

So, the depth and breadthability of the latest paradigm shift in the war strategy is to plan the plan for the way forward in the peace-centric future.

Witnessed this in the store today

2006-11-18T18:03:00.000-08:00

Equal Rights?

2006-11-18T17:25:00.000-08:00

Trunk or Treat

2006-10-30T17:58:00.000-08:00

I’ve learned from a reliable source (a friend who has kids) what the infamous “Trunk or Treat” signs were all about on churches.

Since “Trick or Treat” pretty much means: “give me candy or we’ll egg your expensive car”, I assumed that “Trunk or Treat” meant “give me candy or we’ll lock you in the trunk of your expensive car”. I just couldn’t figure out why churches were condoning such violent acts, since by nature they’re pretty much against the whole Halloween satanic ritual of begging for candy from strangers.

Churches have used a new device to sway young children from the evils of candy, strangers, and evil costumes by organizing “Trunk or Treat”. It also satisfies the amazingly obese parental population by allowing them to simply decorate their cars, park them in a row in a church parking lot, and dole out candy to their soon to be obese church going children.

The problem is that whole “or” thing. I wouldn’t have an issue if they called it “get candy from the trunk of someone’s car”, but they chose “trunk OR treat”, which makes no sense. And they wonder why Johnny can’t read the bible?

The one stipulation is that the children can’t dress up as evil or scary things... like your pedophile neighbor, or a congressman... oh, same thing. Ok, I’ll have to come up with a better example.

The whole lure to this is that the church guides impressionable youth to see that getting free or really cheap things out of a trunk is ok, which prepares them for a life in New York buying stolen merchandise from mobsters.

So, the mystery of “Trunk or Treat” is solved, except for that whole pesky OR thing.

365 Days of Harping for Nothing

2006-10-29T17:01:00.000-08:00

Well, its about that time again.

The night where we let children run around in sight obscuring costumes, go door to door, begging for candy from strangers.

Oh sure, throughout the year we’re beating into their heads how they shouldn’t be out at night, and how they shouldn’t approach strangers, let alone TAKE anything from them, but this one night... its ok.

I wonder if parents, in this high tech world we live in, have printed out the addresses of all those sex offenders to avoid those homes. That will ensure their little kid is safe, that’s for sure. There couldn’t be a crack head in the neighborhood, or someone that’s just waiting to get arrested. We all know our neighbors... ok, no we don’t. We sit in our houses after working long hours, we probably wave at them when we drive by, just to be friendly and so they don’t call the authorities on us for stupid reasons, but we don’t know if they kidnap magazine subscription kids and eat their flesh in their basements. We have no idea if they have a fetish dungeon in their attic and all those cars parked out front aren’t relatives visiting. Not a clue. Nobody goes over to the neighbors with cookies and chats over coffee anymore, we’re too busy. But we aren’t too busy to go parading the kids out in darkened streets to get free candy, no sirreee.

Sure, go ahead and let your kids run wild on Halloween. I’m sure its perfectly safe in today’s society.

Breast versus Chest

2006-09-22T21:33:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine e-mailed me the other day to tell me that she and her husband were watching a television show about a guy getting a sex change operation. While in today’s medical marvel world, a rather blase story, but she pointed out something very interesting.

During the whole process, the show had no problem at all showing a man naked from the waist up. He went through medical procedures, and hormone shots, and therapy, and each time they showed him in a state of undress... no problem showing his chest and nipples.

When it came time for the man’s implants, on the other hand, they showed the surgery in graphic detail, from the cutting open of the hole, and insertion of the implants, but the moment the implants were in place... they pixelated the “breasts”.

Wait a minute. What’s wrong with this? Just because the man has now taken a female form, its not ok to show a breast? I happen to know some men (who are not men trapped in women’s bodies, they’re just... fat) that have WAAY more cleavage than I do, and yet I’m sure there wouldn’t be any problem showing that on television (see “The Biggest Loser” or any of the myriad weight reduction shows on tv). Plenty of naked male boob flab going on there. But throw in the intent that the man wants to be a woman, or perhaps make these flabby guys wear Manbras and we draw the line at showing it on television.

If there’s a baby attached to the breast, that’s fine to show. Show a breast with a lovely piercing during a superbowl, not so fine. Ok, so we’ve ruled out that having something attached to a breast makes it ok to show (baby versus piercing), so baby ok, starburst piercing not ok. Breast reduction or implant surgery... ok to show blood and tissue and gore, not ok to show a nipple. Simply fine to show someone being ripped apart, blown apart, mangled, chainsawed, or hacked... just don’t show any breasts during that.

Do we wonder why our children are messed up?

The New Politically Correct Tea Party

2006-09-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

Illinios Lieutenant Governor Pat Quinn urged citizens to send tea bags with their electric bills to protest the raise on electricity rates in their state.

The post office says that while its not illegal to mail tea bags, it could possibly gum up with postal service equipment and slow their jobs down, and also cause some security concerns. In light of that announcement, the Lt. Gov then said it would be ok to just send a picture of a tea bag in with the electrical bills.

Flash back to December 16, 1773. Three groups of fifty Boston residents known as the “Sons of Liberty” board the ships; Dartmouth, Eleanor, and Beaver with the intention of throwing all of the tea into the Boston harbor to protest the tea act. A harbor master explains to the groups that throwing all of the tea into the harbor would be very messy, and affect the other boats in the harbor, which would need to be cleaned. The group aggrees and goes home, and instead write a letter to the editor complaining about taxation without representation, being forced to buy untaxed tea from the British East India Company, and generally being cranky. If that were the case, I’d be drinking tea instead of Starbucks and sitting here bitching about being taxed by the Royal Colonies.

There is such a thing has peaceful protest, and despite the concerns of the postal system, there has to be a way for citizens to protest something they don’t like in a peacefuly, yet inconvenient way to get the point across. Using “National Security” concerns has become the trademark of all excuses to stop citizens from peaceful discord. We can’t congregate anymore, we can’t mail tea bags, we can’t do a lot of things anymore because they throw the whole “oooh, National Security” concerns flag and we simper back to our holes and continue to stew over being ineffective and castrated. Thank you government can we have another.

This year in Maryland the de-regulation of power companies went into effect. In 1999 the Maryland General Assembly thought it would be a good idea to de-regulate power companies so that independent power companies could come in and do business and give the almight conglomerate Baltimore Gas and Electric (BGE) some competition.

Let’s see, BGE came in, paid for the entire infrastructure of power lines, owns all of the power companies that generate and route electricity... and the Maryland General Assembly thought that Bob’s Power Company would come in, do the same and give BGE a run for their money. The problem with that is that Bob would have to buy his power from BGE, so why would anyone buy Bob’s power, when Bob would have to pass the power cost on to us, and bump up the bill to cover his administrative fees. Hmmm, no thanks, I’ll just stay with BGE. Ok, another alternative would be that a company outside of Maryland could provide us with power. Except it would be the same situation, unless the outside of Maryland company strung extension cords to your house. Once again... stupid scenario. The only thing de-regulation did was increase our power bills by 72%, which is very convenient. There is talk of un-de-regulating power, which doesn’t help matters any.

This election year, plenty of fingers were pointing to those that made those decisions in 1999 that landed us in a 72% power increase (on top of gas being over $3.00 a gallon), and I have every confidence that the Maryland voters will go to those polls in November, forget who did what and vote those idiots back into power. “Hey, here’s a name I recognize... I’ll vote for them” Yes, you remember that name because they thought it would be neat to provide competition for a business that can’t be regulated. Next year I expect they’ll de-regulate air.

Television, and other stupidity

2006-09-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

As the new tv season approaches, it is once again chock full ‘o stupidity.

I see that “reality” tv is once again booming, thanks to Survivor and their racially divided “tribes”. Big hoopla about that. Here’s a thought... don’t watch it. I can pretty much guarantee that if nobody watches, you won’t have that crap on tv anymore. Keep complaining about it and you just give them free publicity. So turn it off, go play with your kids or something.

Nancy Grace, who berates a woman whose child is allegedly stolen from its bedroom, then has the gall to play the interview (actually, it was mostly Nancy screaming things at this poor woman) hours after the woman commits suicide. Why isn’t she answering your questions Nancy? Because you’re puppet head, you bleached blond, poofy haired bitch, that’s why. She doesn’t have to answer your stupid questions. You claim you’re “helping”, helping what? Ratings? How about volunteering at a soup kitchen, or cleaning up trash along the road, or even (if your law license hasn’t been stripped) defending indigent people. Helping isn’t sitting in an air conditioned studio screaming at people for your “scoop”.

Then there’s the endless parade of daytime “talk” shows that showcase the dregs of society. Who are all these people, and why do they think we care that your husband had a sex change and married your son? We know you’re dysfunctional, your family has probably told you a zillion times that you are dysfunctional and should seek professional help, they meant a licensed shrink, not Jerry Springer!

What’s up with YouTube anyway? I thought there were a gazillion copyright laws that said you couldn’t tape a show and then post it somewhere, or make a profit from it, or something like that. Its bad enough that you have to pay 10 bucks for a ringtone that lasts for three seconds, how are these people getting away with taping practically a whole freakin show and posting it on YouTube?

What’s with everyone now calling everything “i” something? iJack, iThis, iThat. I would think that Apple would be storming down people’s butts for copying their catchy little naming thing. Do they actually think that by naming something “i”, that people would immediately think it came from Apple and buy it sight unseen? iDont’care. iAmsickofthewholething.

Some artist painted an elephant (after getting approval) for an art show, and now the city is freaking out because people are freaking out, so they’re saying they have to scrub the paint off the elephant. Here’s a quote from someplace “Ed Boks, the head of the ASD, said the order was made after consulting with two animal rights activists and the city attorney's office.” See anything wrong with that picture? I’ll point it out if you are incapable of spotting stupidity: Why on earth is this city consulting with animal rights activists? Wouldn’t Zoo elephants keepers, or a zoologist, or even the freakin Barnum Bailey Circus be more informed about what is and isn’t good for an elephant? Do we think that two animal rights activists who probably protested outside of a circus as packaged meats know more about elephants than say... ohhhh... licensed professional animal caretakers?

Don’t get me started on that hoopla about the animal activist that “saved a dying dog from a chain” by stealing it from the owners when they weren’t home. Apparently some group in Utah now wants to help change the law so that anyone that feels that you aren’t treating your pets right can just take them and be free of any legal repercussions. I hope they change the child laws so that you can just steal some kid that isn’t getting the candy bar it wants in the store.

end of rant

Men in a Women's College

2006-09-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

Men in a Women's College
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.

Apparently the all woman students at Randolph-Macon Woman's College are upset because it was announced that men would be admitted to the 115-year-old institution starting in 2007. Due to financial reasons (they can't find enough qualified women students to go to the college), the officials have decided that instead of allowing the college to bleed to death financially, the best thing to do would be open up the college to men. This, apparently is not ok with the current students, past students, etc.

I find this to be a bit hypocritical. I'm a woman, and I think having an "all-women" college to be a bit offensive. Where is all that "we're equal" crap, and "we deserve the same opportunities as men" crap the women's libbers are always spouting.

If you want to be equal, don't create "women only" institutions. What about all that hoopla complaining, and fighting for the opening of "men only" institutions (Naval Academy among others) to women. You didn't think it right to have men only stuff, what's with the women only stuff?

Hero of the day

2006-08-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

In response to a question on the condition of a man that plunged from a fourth floor hotel balcony with his 2 children, killing one child and injuring another:

"I feel that once he recovers and understands what he has done he should commit suicide." - Panayotis Spatharakis, director of the Heraklion Hospital where the man is being treated.

Breast Double Standards

2006-07-04T14:18:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm sick of it.

I'm a woman

Yes breastfeeding is natural, but so is taking a crap and having sex and you don't see people complaining when they can't do that in public, and yet we're suppose to bend over backwards and give these woman special rooms to do it in, or they just freakin do it wherever they want and we're suppose to "understand".

Its natural, yes, but they get bent out of shape if you look at them when they do it, they get bent out of shape if they give you a room to do it in that they don't approve of, and they get bent out of shape if everyone doesn't freakin bend over backwards and do what they say.

I don't want that happening at the table next to me when I'm trying to eat, I don't want to see it when I'm drinking a coffee, I don't want it near me at all! What about my rights not to see that?

We had yet another case of "breastfeeding rights" at a Victoria's Secret (of all places): Breastfeeding Protest

The best quote ever is from the woman who was offered a bathroom (because all of the dressing rooms were full) which she described as disgusting, and led a breast-feeding protest in front of the store (oh GAWD!)

She says (and I quote) "the nurse-in was meant to make people aware that breasts are not obscene."

Not obscene? Then why was MTV and ABC fined for Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction"? Why is it that women who work at Hooters (and don't show their breasts) or who wear skimpy clothing, or bathing suits are "demeaned and exploited"?

If breasts aren't obscene, then on a hot day I should be able to run around without a shirt like men do... hey that's natural, we aren't born with clothes!

I'm so sick of women using this double standard to get their way. Breastfeeding is natural, breasts aren't obscene, but don't look at us when we do it, don't expose your breasts for anything other than breastfeeding, and give us what we want or we'll blackmail you by plunking our asses down and breastfeeding our kids.

Next time I hear of one of these protests, I think I'll go pee in front of them. Its natural too, where are my pee rights?

Sue the World for your Stupidity

2006-06-20T16:21:00.000-07:00

The latest idiocy is some kid suing Myspace.com (well, she isn't suing, her PARENTS are suing for her) because she believed someone that said they were her age, and let's meet, and we'll have fun, and she did, and it turned out the guy was older, and molested her... duh!

So, instead of telling their kid, "hey, you're a moron, guess you learned not to trust people now", no, they decide to sue myspace.com, why? WHO FREAKIN KNOWS!

Did people go around before the internet and sue the post office because their pen pal lied to them? No, don't recall those lawsuits.

Do people go around suing the phone company because someone on the phone scammed them? no, don't recall those lawsuits.

So what's this suing internet companies because people make up phony names, ages, and personalities? The internet company has no control over that, just like the car makers don't control the morons that get behind the wheel and drive their car into yours or drive like morons. Should I sue General Motors because an idiot was driving a car they made? NOOO.

Gun makers are getting the heat from these money grabbers also. People suing a gun manufacturer because someone with a screw loose used one of their guns to kill people. Fast food places getting sued because people buy their greasy crap food and get fat and heart diseases. Nobody shoved that burger in your mouth fatty so shut up!

Victims are overtaking this world. The fingerpointers will soon be in charge and nobody will be able to do anything because there will be so many rules to follow that you can't get anything done because you'll be too busy reading the rule for something simple like breathing.

The Blameless

2006-05-27T03:58:00.000-07:00

A five foot, 1 inch man was convicted of abusing a child, but will face no prison time because he's too short.

A female teacher who was convicted of having sex with a child will face no prison time because she's too pretty.

Lesson learned: If you are short or pretty go do what you want, you are impervious to consequences. If you are short AND pretty they may even give you a coupon for free stuff.

"Supporters of short people say it's about time someone recognizes the unique challenges they face." Um... is this to say there are non-supporters of short people? There are anti-short people factions springing up all over the country? This is a case of the anti-short people group forcing a poor short person into jail for molesting a child? That jails are unfair to short people? We need to build short people jails? I guess we'll need to build pretty people jails too eventually, and then we'll need to build jails for people who don't see well in the dark, and jails for people who fear concrete, and jails for people that require ambient lighting, and jails for left-handed people?

We make the claim that we've come a long way in merging color and nationality lines, being equals no matter what, and yet we continue to put people in different categories: too short, too rich, too pretty. We give special treatment and special consideration for groups of people and call it diversity. This "diversity" only further sections off people, and actually calls attention to their differences when we all should be equal, play on the same board, and treat each other fairly.

If you break the law you should go to jail, no matter what the excuse is.. You should go to jail even if you are a one-eyed, albino, transgendered, short person, or a average height white person. It shouldn't matter. We are all people. Nobody is more special than someone else, nobody is more valuable than someone else, nobody deserves more protections than someone else. We are all equals, but until everyone starts thinking that way, there will always be discrimination, special treatment, special consideration, and hatred for those who get the special treatment.

Inability to own up: the new disease!

2006-05-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

U.S. Rep. Kennedy bashes his car into a barrier and blames it on a disease: drug abuse.
Golfer John Daly lost $1.65 million in five hours playing mostly $5,000 slot machines, the disease: gambling.

Wait a minute? Disease?

How about stupidity, lack of common sense, lack of ability to face reality, lack of self control, but not a disease by any stretch of the imagination. To call these things a disease is a slap in the face of everyone that has faced cancer, leukemia, glaucoma, etc. You decided to pop those pills, you decided to bet your money, people with real diseases didn't have those choices, they just got it and dealt with it.

So, I'm suppose to actually feel sorry for a man that plays GOLF for a living that he blew 1.65 MILLION on slot machines in 5 hours? awwww! That poor man! Here I am, scrimping money so I can afford gas at 8 bucks a fucking gallon so I can drive to my crappy job so I can get paid and waste all of my "earnings" to buy more gas to drive to my crappy job. OR, I'm sitting in my swelter house because my electrical bill went up 72% thanks to "de-regulation" and I can't afford to fill my tank up to drive to an air conditioned mall.

And what about "de-regulation"? How is it that someone thought "hey, lets give other electrical companies a fair shot at providing home owners with electricity"? One company owns all the power lines, owns all of the electric generating stations, so did they think that Bob's electric company was going to snake an extension cord to my house and provide me with electricity? What the F?

How is this fair?

2006-02-02T04:09:00.000-08:00

I don't use a blackberry, I think they're ugly and I really don't need to be connected 24 hours a day, give me a break. But the Government is now crying about the fact that their blackberry connections will be cut due to the lawsuit against RIM, and they want assurances that if blackberry does get shut off, they will be exempt.

Wait a minute! What makes PUBLIC SERVANTS more special than those that pay their salaries? Nobody screamed foul when the Beta VCR went obsolete and left us with a worthless piece of expensive technology. What about all of the other things that went by the wayside with not even a "sorry" after people bought them? Why should the Government be exempt if RIM is wrong and infringed on a patent? Sure it'll be an inconvenience, but they can join the line of the inconvenienced along with all of the non-government users.

Perhaps if the government was inconvenienced they would understand the frustrations of us little people who get "taken" every day by manufacturers who taunt us with big claims and promises, then go obsolete, taking our money with them.

If blackberry goes dark EVERYONE goes dark, not just us little people.

Stupid Quote of the Day

2006-01-29T15:04:00.000-08:00

"The state wouldn't be allowed to euthanize a dog in the manner in which it's executing prisoners" - Defense Attorney Todd Zubler in response to his client about to undergo lethal injection.

Are you kidding me? The state allows dogs, cats, puppies, kittens, you name it to undergo "lethal injection" on a daily basis by the hundreds, if not thousands! Some states still gas animals in huge chambers enmasse!

Cruel and unusual punishment? Certainly not as cruel as gunning down an innocent person. His client should have thought about the consequences of his actions before he pulled the trigger.

His client is lucky to get the "relaxing cocktail" prior to the heart stopping mix, unlike the thousands (millions if you go by the entire US) of dogs and cats that die each day who get a poke in a vein.