The Art of Procrastination

Why is it that I can spend all day at work thinking of things that I’d rather be doing at home, write extensive lists of all the things that I should or could be doing, then get home and have absolutely NO motivation to do any of it.

When you are at work, cleaning up dog poo is more appealing than sitting in an office. I can be so productive thinking of lists of things that I have to do when I’m at work, then sit and stare at that list when I get home and find no motivation to do any of the things that seemed like a good idea, or needed to do. This means that the list continues to grow, which leads me into a whole panic because now I have this big list of things to do that I’m not motivated to do.

Sometimes I take the coward way out and just cross the stuff off, deeming it not essential to the continuance of life. Some of the things are stupid things and don’t really need to be done, or don’t actually need to be put on a list. Laundry, for example. You always have to do laundry, so why bother putting it on a list. Dishes, the same thing, there’s always dishes. Sometimes I think of the whole futility of housework. It never ends.

Ok, so its really hard to rant when you’re watching Eddie Murphy “Delirious” on Youtube while you are trying to rant.

I hadn’t seen that in a zillion years, and by coincidence, something happened that made me look on youtube to see if they had it. Here’s the coincidence:

I read on someone’s blog about the Black Friday stampedes and there was a link to a video where some poor older woman got knocked down in the stampede and she lost her wig. I sent the link to some friends, one of which responded: “Oh lawdy, lawdy, I’m falling down the stairs... my wig”.

That made me go to Youtube and sure enough, some kind soul had uploaded the whole thing in sections. Now I’m watching it again, and you know what... STILL FREAKING FUNNY!

Ok, so I can’t even begin to rant about how I’m obsessive compulsive about writing lists of things to do that I never get around to doing, then feel like a failure because I don’t do the things that I write on my list.

Thanks Mr. Murphy (I don’t know you well enough to call you Eddie) for making me forget that I’m a failure.

Where Did All This Crap Come From?

I just spent a few hours in our cluttered back room. Ok, cluttered isn’t the right word for it, its more like a hoarder’s dream room. Boxes and boxes, piles and piles, stuffed, crammed, and over-flowing with junk.

We haven’t used anything back there in years, so I have no idea why its back there. Oddly enough, we have a storage room that we rent that is also full of crap that’s never been touched in about 5 years. Why?

I DON’T FREAKING KNOW!!!!

Every time I walk through there to let the dogs out back I think “I need to purge this stuff”, and then I’ll walk back into the house. Well, enough is enough. It got to me today, and I spent a good 3 hours ripping the guts out of computers, and stacking broken non-working monitors into a pile. How did we collect so many computers? Where did this stuff come from? Why are we keeping it?

I suspect that my husband is a hoarder, as none of this stuff is actually mine. I’m a minimalist. I have clothes, I have one laptop, everything I’ve bought fits on one bookshelf, and the rest is his. I’m currently surrounded by 5 other computers, a printer (that doesn’t work with my mac) 2 filing cabinets full of stuff that isn’t mine, 5 wall shelves filled with junk that isn’t mine, and frankly I’m getting claustrophobic.

Dear hubby always says “we can sell it on ebay”. Um, who is going to want a viewsonic 15 inch monitor that doesn’t work? Who is going to want a container full of computer parts that we really have no idea what they are? I’m sure that 9600 baud modem will go for a lot, maybe to a museum, but museums typically expect you to DONATE things to them, not pay for their exhibit materials.

Purging all of this junk is tricky when it comes to circumnavigating a hoarder. First he wanted to “inspect” each computer before I took it to the dump. Why? Don’t know. I tried to hook up an old printer to my mac, but it wouldn’t even turn on, so I tossed it in a contractor bag and hauled the bag to the curb. He got mad that I was throwing HIS stuff away. It doesn’t work... would you like me to make it into a bookend? That thought has crossed my mind, taking the bin of computer parts and welding it into something artistic like a swan.

Little by little I fill up a garbage bag of junk and take it to the curb, disguising it as common household garbage. On Fridays, when I’m off and he works, I giggle fiendishly as I drag bag upon bag, load upon load to the local dump. I do have to be careful that I don’t toss something that he may actually want later on. “Honey, what happened to that Windows 3.1.1 video card we use to have for a proprietary computer that was bent into the shape of a “U” that I need for something right this very second?” Yes, its happened before, that look of a deer in headlights when he asks for something that I know full well went to the dump one friday. Usually I guide him to the back room and point to the precariously piled plastic boxes that will tip and crush a human at the slightest touch and say “I think I recall it being in a bin on the bottom in the back”. That usually deters him from trying to get it. Then he’ll make some snide comment about cleaning up that room, and it takes everything in my being not to bash him in the head with the weed whacker I just uncovered after 4 years of being buried beneath the pile of junk.

Epson Sucks

Hubby is a freelance photographer.

Hubby has the best digital SLR, the best everything, including what we thought was one of the best photo printers out there, the Epson Stylus R1800. Best until we upgraded to Mac Leopard that is.

Sure, we can blame Apple and Leopard for practically EVERYTHING not working on our computers, but for the most part, all we had to do was go up to the manufacturer's website and download the latest upgrades or newest drivers and everything worked... EXCEPT the Epson Stylus R1800.

Ok, so we go up to the Epson site to download the latest drivers. Oh, they aren't there. They have new drivers for the Mac-Intels, but not for the PowerPC computers. Isn't that just grand! We didn't realize that this was a big deal until hubby had a photo shoot and had to print out proof sheets and got what looked like scrambled eggs run over by a car 600 or 700 times. Oh, we need the new drivers, BUT THERE AREN'T ANY. Why? I don't know. You would think that Epson would offer drivers for the Mac-Intel AND the PowerPC, but NOOOOOO.

That's what I love about the technology biz. Everyone just assumes that you go out weekly and buy the latest computers. Heaven forbid you would actually use a computer for say, oh, more than a year. Everyone must have the latest computers and the latest software, and the latest everything. We are, after all, just literally pooping out money to go blow on the latest technology aren't we? Why on earth would we waste our time developing a driver for a TWO year old computer? Who on earth would use such an antiquated old thing, its all of TWO years old.

HP, on the other hand, is actually working with Mac and will be delivering updated drivers through the Mac updates. That's nice, that's really nice. EXCEPT I DON'T HAVE AN HP PRINTER!!!

After blowing over $500 on an Epson high end photo printer, I'm waiting for my next bowel movement so I can afford to toss that Epson piece of crap on the curb and go buy a nice $700 HP photo printer.

And people wonder why the cost of photographs are so high. Gee, next time someone asks, I'll hand them a slip of paper with the Epson CEO's e-mail address on it and say "ask this moron".

Recycling: Not My Problem

A recent article on CNN reports that computers turned in for recycling are being shipped to other countries where the process to retrieve usable parts is more dangerous to the environment than just throwing the stuff in a dump.

“Experts” now tell us that we need to research the companies where we donate, toss, throw, dump our electronics to make sure they are not shipping overseas or disposing of them improperly. Um, screw that.

My local dump now has containers for people to throw their used computer gear. I happen to have a ton of used, old, doesn’t work computer gear clogging up my back room. The moment I found out I could take it there, I started loading that crap up (gutting the parts out first, like hard drives) and hauling it to the dump. What do they do with it? I don’t know and I don’t care because once its in their pile, I could care less. What I do care about is that its no longer stacked in my back room collecting dust. I’m certainly not going to spend the time researching what they’re doing with it, because I’m sure that they’ll say one thing, it’ll be another, and no amount of research on my part will reveal the true, evil nature of their disposal. Frankly, I could care less if they pile it into someone else’s house, I just want it gone and how they do that is frankly none of my concern.

This all goes toward proving my theory that this global warming/recycling crap is just a way for companies to make more money on the “Save the world” hype. I’m sure companies just jumped on this whole recycle computer thing popped up and I’m sure that with this article, other companies will pop up that will vow and swear to get rid of your computer gear in a safe and earth friendly way... for a fee. Yeah, bite me.

I’ll continue taking my computer crap to the dump, and let whoever has it then deal with it. Not my problem anymore. Don’t tell me to recycle and then when I do, tell me that I have to recycle a certain way. Set up the proper infrastructure and do it the right way but don’t try to put the onus on me to make sure my antiquated X86 gets recycled properly.

The Stupid People Are Taking Over

More and more I grow disillusioned by people. I truly believe that some time after I was born, people started being born without a common sense gene. I don’t know if its a genetic thing, or an environmental thing that is causing this lack of gene, but more and more I’m convinced that the common sense gene is being replaced by the incredibly stupid gene, as more and more people breed willy nilly like feral cats.

Case in point is a story I read about a woman that is being investigated for neglecting her mother. Suffering from MS and old, this poor woman apparently was kept in such squalor that when the police came to the house TWO DAYS after her death when it was reported, that even with respirators on, they could only stand being in the house for 5 minutes before being forced to leave. Not only did this poor woman have rotting flesh and maggots on her, but the entire house was filled with rotting trash, garbage, rotting, moldy food, and used sanitary napkins and adult diapers clogging the toilets. A 9 year old child also lived in this house!

Click here to read the article.

I happen to think that one of the MOST disturbing aspects of this story are the comments made by her neighbor, and I quote from the story: "She took care of the important things in her life, the people things, herself and her daughter. Yes, she let the house go. Ok, that's what I would do," “Letting the house go” is more like not vacuuming for a month, not having used adult diapers clogging the toilet and allowing your sick mother rot to death in a bed filled with maggots.

More and more I read stories of people doing incredibly stupid and harmful things, but they are absolved of all responsibility because “well, she meant to do good things”. Animal hoarders whose houses are filled with feces and urine, dead animals, animals with sores and suffering are called “tragic, because she/he tried to care for them but got in over their head”. Others are labeled with a “sickness” and “need help”, which they probably never get, and are allowed to have animals again and start the cycle all over again.

We have to stop enabling the stupid. We have to stop protecting the stupid. If we continue to allow them to breed, our civilization is doomed.

The hole

The Presidential Elections

I once tried my hand at getting into the whole political process. My parents were staunch democrats and actually went to a whole bunch of campaign things and made signs and posters and stumped for their favorite candidates (who invariably lost). They defended that whole Jimmy Carter bad mojo tenure saying the gas crisis and recession was the fault of the republicans and he was just trying to dig us out of that mess.

They almost disowned me when I admitted that I was a republican. Hey, I was in the military and the republicans are always good to the military, so you don’t bite the hand that feeds you, especially on our meager military “salary”. Even when I got out I became one of the bloated government contractor types, and once again, the republicans love contractors who help the military.

My experience in politics made me bitter and jaded though, and I actually switched parties out of vengeance when a consumer protection bill I had been trying to get passed in the Maryland General Assembly was labeled as “one of the top 10 silliest bills”. I didn’t think it was silly that people were getting ripped off by greedy and unscrupulous pet cemetery owners, but hey, that’s why I’m a democrat now.

I was going to “be” a Libertarian, but then realized that most Libertarians don’t have anyone to vote for in the primaries. Typically failed politicians not voted into their party’s elite switch to Libertarian so they can run for the big brass ring. They aren’t Libertarians, they don’t think like Libertarians, they just run under that because its better than running under the green party or the Pat Paulsen party.

I’ve read a bit about our current gaggle of presidential runners and frankly, none of them strike me as presidential material. Wait, let me step back a moment: none of them meet my criteria as presidential material. I want a strong, decisive person that has the best interest of the country in their heart and in their decisions. What I’ve seen so far is the usual speeches that tell the attending crowd what they want to hear, depending on what state and what crowd they’re speaking to.

So, here’s what I want from our next leader:

1.) I can’t figure out how to do my taxes and live in constant fear that I’ve misread the 5 zillion pages of convoluted instructions and didn’t pay enough. Just take a freakin percentage out of my paycheck and leave me alone.

2.) Get all of our troops out of foreign countries and bring them all back here and have them guard our borders and secure our nation. If we don’t have gazillions of armed soldiers all over the world looking like they are threatening other countries, then maybe those other countries won’t be building nuclear weapons.

3.) Build factories to make stuff instead of importing it from other countries. Not only would that solve the unemployment in this country, but we could actually eat and play with toys without fear of being poisoned. Plus, if we aren’t forking over zillions of dollars to foreign countries then they won’t be able to afford to make nuclear weapons.

4.) Syria hates Palestine, Pakistan isn’t holding elections, Afghanistan is growing poppies for illegal drugs... who freakin cares, let them do what they want. Sure it sucks in Darfur, but they caused it, let them figure it out, we aren’t the global Dr. Phil. Think we should help them? Well how about helping out your neighbor or the zillions of homeless here in the U.S. or helping people who can’t afford health care, or helping those that can’t make ends meet because their job got outsourced to China or India.

Now while all of this seems a tad bit naive and easy to fix, it doesn’t seem to be working out the way every other President has run it, so why not give simplicity a shot.

Examples of Insanity

A school district in Kentucky will be shutting down their entire school system on Monday to disinfect the schools because a student in that district died of the SUPERBUG.

This was announced today... um... while I applaud their proactive stance of disinfecting the school (despite the fact it probably won’t do any good because “experts” have said that kids can get it from sharing a towel with someone... euw, even the the MEDIA screams that its the next plague and we’ll all die of it because its uncontrollable... except for those antibiotics the “experts” say will kill it) why are they doing it Monday? Why don’t they get off their butts and disinfect the school during the weekend?

For the safety of the kids, they’ll closing the schools on Monday, which means parents will need to either stay home from their jobs to watch their children, or pay to find some other place to watch them. The kids lose a day of learning (and from the news reports I’m hearing, they can’t afford to miss one day because they can barely read once they graduate), so why do it Monday, why not right now? Why can’t the school board get in there with their cleaning rags (don’t share those) and scrub down that school on the weekend?

Mothers Against Drunk Driving has sent a letter to Mothers Against Illegal Aliens telling them to stop using the “Mothers Against” words because people may think the illegal alien hating moms are the same moms that hate drunk drivers. Um, I think I can tell the difference. Here is the list that I found of “Mothers Against” organizations:

Mothers against peeing standing up
Mothers against circumcision
Mothers against jesus
Mothers against videogame addiction and violence
Mothers against methamphetamine
Mothers against noise
Mothers against Arpaio
Mothers against Maddox
Mothers against star wars galaxies
mothers against the draft (probably hasn’t been busy there since we don’t have one)
mothers against misuse and abuse
mothers against munchausen by proxy allegations
mothers against sexual abuse
mothers against guns
mothers against school hazing
mothers against teen violence
mothers against dog chaining
mothers against gang wars
mothers against noise
mothers against brie and chardonney
Mother against murder and aggression
mothers against burning tires
mothers against blogging
mothers against brain injury
mothers against genetic engineering
mothers against fathers in arrears

The list goes on... guess MADD is all for those other things, apparently not so much against illegal aliens.

Ok all you mothers, don’t be against anything, because that’s copyrighted!

Hand Painted... digitally?

Hubby and I were walking through the mall last night and I saw this in a camera store (I've removed identifiers that would most likely get me sued for goofing on this).

Its a placard under a "portrait" that advertises "digitally hand painted" portraits.

Granted, I've seen some VERY nice digital paintings. When I think digital paintings, I see someone with a blank slate who uses the digital pad and pen to freehand paint either something in their head, or recreate something they are looking at. What this store was selling looked suspiciously like a digital program that with a click of a button, turns a picture into something that resembles a painting, that was printed onto canvas to make it look more like a painting. Every flaw from the photograph was there, every detail, everything. Its something that any third grader can do with a reasonably priced photo editor and printer. Once click and TAHDAH!

Ok great, if you don't have a computer, or the computer savvy of a third grader and can't do this for yourself and want it done, fine, but to call it "hand painted"?

I have the highest regard for people that embroider. They take actual needles, and actual thread, and they use the needle and thread to follow a pattern and make something pretty cool looking. It takes a lot of work, time, and probably more than a few pokes from the needle.

On the other hand, you now have sewing machines that you plop a USB card into with a picture, load up the right color thread and that sucker spews out the exact replica of the picture on the card. All the person has to do is... nothing, they could be in another room watching tv for all you know, and yet they expect the same admiration and ooohing and aahing as if they spent months painstakingly poking needle through fabric and doing it by hand. That's not art, that's lazy and sweat shop-like.

We're becoming a mass production "art" machine. Just about anyone with a computer and printer can make their own cards, invitations, t-shirts, or whatever and usually "borrow" other people's hard work to get the perfect picture to slap on those things. Its not the finished product that counts, its actually HOW you get the finished project.

Taking something from your head and creating it yourself, not slapping a pre-made template into a machine and printing it out, there's no glory or pride in that.

Stop making things seem like something else. If you take a picture, click a button, print it on a canvas, don't call it "hand painted". If you smoosh paints on a pallet, use a brush and paint something you are looking at or have in your head... that's hand painted.

Coming Soon to a School Near You

How Do These Things Happen?

Last night hubby and I went to a school charity Bull and Oyster Roast at a local volunteer fire department hall.

I had heard of these mysterious “Bull and Oyster Roast” things mostly in conjunction with fund-raising, but had never attended one mainly because:

1.) I don’t like oysters. Raw oysters are nasty, phlegm-like and frankly if I wanted that sensation, I just have to wait until I catch my next cold and experience it for free. Not only that, but I hear there are some nasty illnesses you can get from eating those things, so I’ll pass.

2.) Unless they are roasting a whole bull on a spit, I’m guessing the “bull” part is beef, and frankly you can get that anywhere, so even if its for a good cause, why spend $35 to go to a dreary volunteer fire department hall and eat beef?

As I expected, we arrived and knew nobody, well, hubby knew one guy from work, the one that sold him the tickets, the rest were strangers all grouped at tables by who knew who. We sat at a table alone for the most part. The “bull and oyster roast” was actually coleslaw (tasty), cooked shreds of ham, turkey, and beef (there’s the bull part), but no oysters. Hey! How can you call it a bull and oyster roast if there are no oysters. Sure, the cookies were good, but I felt cheated because I didn’t get a chance to rant about the nasty consistency of raw oysters and their inherent diseases to complete strangers.

The entertainment consisted of someone spinning a wheel, people putting money on numbers and if the wheel hit that number, they won money. Um... wait a minute, isn’t that gambling and illegal in the state of Maryland?

They also had a raffle, and were selling tickets to a 50/50 thing where they spun a wheel and if the number on your ticket matched... hey, isn’t that gambling. I felt as though any moment we’d be raided by a government agency and arrested.

The entertainment that night was a DJ. Ok, these people make a living (usually a side-living) by playing music for people who can’t (and usually don’t) dance, but this one took it to the very extreme by being... proactive and chipper. Disgustingly chipper, and chatty. He did lame magic tricks with members of the audience (yawn), then they “played a game” where team members had to put on wacky clothes and run back wearing the wacky clothes, take said wacky clothes off and another person dashed across the dance floor and put on the wacky clothes. I thought the funniest thing about this “contest” was that the losing team actually seemed very upset by the fact that the other team “cheated”. Are you kidding me? They’re arguing over a wacky game?

Placated by a funny plastic hat given to all participants (oh brother) the “real” music began... the Electric Slide.

This is where the whole “how do these things happen” topic starts. How does this crap start, spread, and get danced all over the world? Everything from the chicken dance, to the YMCA song, these things have to start somewhere by some idiot, but how do they spread all over, and why? Apparently the “Electric Slide” according to Wikipedia was started by someone in 1976, but actually found its “craze” in 1989. The person that “created” it, actually sues those that post people doing it wrong on video upload sites. Are ya kidding me?

For some reason I was never a participant of such line dancing, having been scarred for life during the whole “disco” craze, and being forced to suffer through “disco dancing” in high school PE class (I’m guessing that was the beginning of the end for high school PE and the very cause of the obesity problem in school children, but call me crazy).

So, last night I sat in awe as people sat out of other dance tunes, but like zombies with no minds, the moment that song started, lurched to the dance floor and did the steps. It was all women too, which bolsters the following theory:

1.) women like to dance, so they drag their husbands and boyfriends to dance places where their male significant others refuse to dance.
2.) women can only pee in groups
3.) out of necessity and the need to dance, the pee groups came out of the bathroom one time, heard a catchy little tune and created a dance (since the “creator” of the electric slide is sue happy, I expect my lawsuit summons in the mail at any moment for saying that women who have peed created this “fad”)
4.) Once the pee group got snippy with each other over something stupid, each member of the pee group started a new pee group, passing on the wacky dance to them, and from there it spread like wildfire because women tend to argue about stupid things and dump their friends for the smallest infraction (before any women sue me, I’m a woman, shut up, I know what I’m talking about)

So, we can thank women with small bladders and the need to dance in groups without their men for suffering through this crap at functions big and small. Now, I’d really like to know who put old Glen Miller dance tunes to a funky beat and strangle them, the same goes for those Macarena morons.

Free Benefits

Chicken Little Meets the Brooklyn Bridge Salesman

For years now, “scientists” have been claiming that we humans have caused a HUGE hole in the ozone that will be the death of the earth. First of all, does it take a major degree to figure out that it won’t be the death of the earth, as it will continue spinning merrily through space, it just won’t have us living on it anymore. I’m sure it’ll be just as happy spinning merrily through space without us, as it did with us, so claiming that a hole in the ozone will destroy earth is a bit of an exaggeration. I think if they were really serious about this whole ozone hole thing, they would have a better marketing strategy such as:
“If we don’t clean up our carbon emissions, there won’t be a Survivor or American Idol next year”. That would get people to sit up and take notice, now don’t you think?

So, here we are at present day, with celebrities and politicians now jumping onto the “green” wagon (and I don’t mean green party) all spouting about how we (lowly minimum wage workers who can barely afford a car let alone the gas to put into it), need to cut back on our “carbon footprint”. Carbon footprint? I can smell a high paid consultant anywhere when the buzzwords start a’ flying.

Ok, we lowly minions say, we can do that... but why are you flying all over the world in private jets, driving hummers, and smoking cigars in places where we can’t?

CRAP! They’re on to us! What do we do now?

Of course! Create a company that will relieve you of all guilt associated with the lifestyle you’ve grown to love and refuse to give back no matter how much it speeds the earth’s atmosphere into dissolving human flesh like acid. Its perfect, because not only do you SEEM as though you care enough for everyone else by purchasing these amazing “carbon offsets”, but you also profit since you are a stockbroker in these companies! My GAWD, you can have your cake and eat it too! Now as you wing your way to the Academy Awards in your private jet with your entourage, you can gleefully announce that the carbon footprint of your trip was totally erased by your paying some company (that you happen to own stock in) an outrageous amount of money to plant trees somewhere that cost mere pennies.

Of course all of those tree plantings won’t erase that bad press about your gigantic mansion sucking in electricity and spewing out a carbon footprint the size of Texas. So much power consumed that you could have provided enough electricity for an entire third world country for a year, but hey, you argue... I’m in the process of swapping out those pool lights for some energy saving halogens, so it’ll take a while before that registers on the ol “carbon footprint” meter. Besides, I just invested even more money in carbon offsets, which will decimate an entire rain forest in order for my company to plant non indigenous maple trees in the Bahamas.

Better yet, how about all you rich do-gooders and “activists” stick your carbon footprint where it belongs and frankly if the earth is uninhabitable in a hundred years, I’m going to be dead, so I don’t give a flying whiz. Besides, aren’t we suppose to get smacked by a huge comet before then, so I’ll just drive my car all over the place, cut down some trees, and maybe build me a nice crackly bonfire. Anyone got a match?

Stupid Weather People

So, last night I get all excited because the weather people are screeching, keening, pulling out their hair and promising all sorts of snowfall that will cause mass chaos and certain closing of schools and businesses. Its hard not to get swept up in the frenzy, because getting a closure has the same thrill no matter if you are 10 or 44.

I woke up this morning, tingling with excitement and look out my window to see.... absolutely NOTHING. Not a flake of snow to be seen anywhere. Nothing, nada, zilch. Work, of course, was open for business, but since the weather was predicted to become crappy, you could take leave without asking for it beforehand. Ok, this doesn’t help me any, since I’ve drained most of my vacation taking my spine injured dog to follow up appointments, or dealing with stupid legal things. I trudge into work (where more than half of my co-workers don’t show up), and the moment I get in the truck... it starts snowing.

Around noon its getting nasty and I say screw it and go home and stay home. It continues to get nasty and schools start closing and businesses start closing, and generally the state of Maryland comes to a grinding halt. So what about tomorrow?

How can it be 29 degrees (but it feels like 14) and we get freezing rain? Wasn’t there something in some long ago biology class that I didn’t pay that much attention to at the time that said when it gets to 32 or below, this thing called SNOW falls? Since when did freezing rain come into the its freezing and yet water still falls from the sky, freezing the moment it hits the ground to create the highway ice rink of doom? And why is it that we will be getting down to around 14 degrees (feels like 0) and yet we’ll be getting torrential downpours of freezing rain all the way up until its time to go to work... and then it’ll just be rain.

What this means to me is that at MOST work will give us a 2 hour delay for coming in. This means that not only will I be late coming in on the ice rink of doom, but so will everyone else. This also means that I’ll be working into work in sub-zero temperatures on the ice rink sidewalk to hell. Amazingly enough, around 3pm, the rain will once again turn into the cheerful sounding “wintry mix” (makes you think of that crappy “nut assortment” that gets tossed at you by cheap hosts), at which point they’ll “release” us so that a zillion people at the same time will be making a mad dash out of the parking lot skating rink of hades for the skating rink of certain death highway and to their probably lost power hours ago frozen pipes now a frozen swimming pool homes.

I’m so excited.

I’m also wondering why I can’t be as accurate in my work as meteorologists and still keep my job. There’s a 20% chance that the thing you needed me to finish by today will be done, with a chance of partly finished, and a 10 day forecast of me hiding in the coffee shop while you try to hunt me down. Yeah, save me a spot in the unemployment line.

Global Warming Rant

A bunch of extremely well-paid scientists have written a paper that says that global warming is our fault, but there’s not a lot we can do about it. Ok, thank you, lets get on with our lives then shall we.

But wait! Even though we found the problem that we can’t do anything about, why are scientists now flying all over the place (spewing out fossil fuels that have been proven by them to trash our world) to have “working groups” about what this means to everyone?

Without spending a zillion dollars, and also flying all over the world, which will shorten the lifespan of humans on earth even more, this is what it means to everyone:

It’ll be hotter in places where it normally doesn’t get too hot
It’ll be colder in places where it normally doesn’t get too cold
Some places will have more water
Some places will have less water
We either adapt to it or go by the way of the dinosaur

The whole idea of “saving the earth” is ridiculous. They make it sound like a cause for the continuation of the earth’s existence, but what they’re really saying is that humans will be extinct. The earth will still be spinning gleefully around space, probably happy that the morons living on it are no longer screwing with it. A gazillion years after we’re gone by way of ice age, or flood, or whatever, the earth may spew out some little creature in the ooze that its created, and one can only hope that a less pompous, less wasteful creature will evolve and simply enjoy what the earth has given them, and not use it for its greed and ruin it again.

In the meantime, since we can’t do anything about this “problem” in my lifetime, I’ll just continue zooming around in my SUV and clogging up the ozone. After all, since social security will be bankrupt I’ll have very little to leave the next generation of people on the planet... so why not leave them with something they can figure out a way to clean up... that’ll keep them busy.

New Blogger Test

Ok, just switched over to the new blogger. One annoyance already is that if I’m signed into gmail, and log out of blogger, it boots me out of gmail. There’s no place on blogger to get to gmail, there’s no place that says “sign out of blogger, but not out of gmail”. So freakin stupid.

Stop Spending My Money

I just read a lame opinion piece regarding the recent rescue attempt of the three men in Oregon. The writer suggests and even cites some samples of why we shouldn’t sweat the cost of this rescue mission, as in the end it helps rescuers to train for future rescues, helps with the coordination of rescue teams and law enforcement, and besides... all of these costs will go toward other future hopefully successful rescue missions, so its certainly fair that these costs could be paid back by taxing everything from gas, to hotels, to cell phones.

Excuse me?

Aren’t I taxed enough already? Do you think the American people are a never ending pocket full of money? Our income is taxed, our goods are taxed, our gas is taxed, we’re taxed coming and going, even our deaths are taxed, and you want us to pay more taxes because somebody with the “spirit” to climb got stuck on a mountain?

Could it be that we now NEED to have these types of mountain rescues because people know if they get in trouble that someone (at great expense) will come get them? Do you think that perhaps we wouldn’t have these issues if they were told “get up there and get stuck, you are on your own buddy”.

We need to stop this “save everyone” mentality, especially for those who purposefully put themselves in harm’s way. People don’t HAVE to climb a mountain, and yet I’m footing the bill for their hobby. I have no problem with helping people who find themselves (through no fault of their own) in a bad situation, but why am I paying to find three people who CHOSE to do what they did, knowing the risk and danger. You get into it, you get yourself out of it.

Justifying everything because it’ll help me out in the long run is lame, telling me that I shouldn’t sweat the money (um, its MY money, well, at least until the IRS wants more of it) because it’ll help others who CHOOSE to do dangerous and stupid things... no. Screw them. I’m tired of footing the bill for stupid people.

I think its time that everything taxed needs to be itemized WHY you have to pay this tax. Would people be so willing to pay additional taxes if they got a receipt that said:
Gas: $1.25
Rescue stupid people stuck on a mountain tax: $5.24
Road fix tax that we’ll never get around to fixing: $2.39
Environmental tax to save the Blue Horned Toad: $.06

Instead of prices going up for no reason and just standing by and paying it like lemmings, perhaps we could use tax as a donation system. Do you want to help stupid people get off a mountain? Then make that tax donation. But don’t force me to pay for it. Then, if I ever get stuck on a mountain, you can tell me “hey, you didn’t pay your get stupid people off a mountain tax so we can’t help you”. Which is fine with me, as I don’t plan to purposefully get stuck on a mountain any time soon.

May the Earth Embrace and Care for You!

Yeah, that’s my “holiday” greeting to everyone. As you may guess, I don’t celebrate christmas, I’m a Neo-Pagan. I have a cool little private ceremony on the 21st (Winter Solstice) and pretty much that’s it for me. No shopping, no gift exchange, no last minute running around for stuff, no decorating (tree killers all of you), no cards, no nothing. I just enjoy the earth, thank it for allowing me a space, and pray that I continue being a good person and enjoy what I have in life, no matter what that is.

So, as someone who doesn’t celebrate the “holidays” as most people, what do I think of all the politically correct hoopla going on? I think the world has gone insane actually. Can you BE any more non-festive? People suing because their religious or belief icon is not displayed in an airport, people ramming cars with their cars getting parking spaces, people freaking out because they don’t know what to say to people in way of a greeting, people fighting over toys, killing over games. Wow! Is this the TRUE spirit of Christmas?

What cracks me up is that if we’re so hyper-sensitive over offending people, why have decorations or ornaments at all? Are the atheists not a big threat in the sue happy world? I would think that if we’re so worried about offending a religion (or lack thereof) then we wouldn’t put ANYTHING up in a public place for fear of pissing those god-less people off.

What’s the big deal about saying “Merry Christmas” to someone anyway, regardless of their belief system? Its yours, that’s your “saying” so freakin say it! If you say it to someone that doesn’t celebrate Christmas, then they should, in return, greet you with whatever it is that they say. What’s so hard about that? Does everyone have to get all hot and bothered because someone “assumed” they celebrate Christmas? That’s not what the greeting means. It means “Hey moron, I celebrate Christmas and I’m greeting you”, its not “Hey moron, I celebrate Christmas so you better celebrate it too or I’ll beat your head in with this tickle me Elmo doll”.

I also wonder if anyone ANYWHERE actually celebrates holidays anymore for their true meaning. To me, holidays mean a sale in a store, not a celebration of our Independence, or to commemorate fallen soldiers who gave their lives for our freedom. It means 50% off, going to a mall, getting a bargain. Does anyone go out to a military cemetery and actually honor the soldiers, or do we just watch a ceremony on tv, call it a holiday and go shopping? I actually remember a time in history where stores were closed on holidays so that people could celebrate, or commemorate, or do whatever it was they did with everyone else. Now, everything is open, and usually they have something on sale. Usually food places name “specials” after the holiday, which I find demeaning and sickening. Come get your 2 patty FREEDOM MEAL with free fries!

What’s with people who scream about Christmas, don’t celebrate it, yet still take that day off? Ok, so I’m given that day off by my company because if I showed up for work, I’d be the only one there, but if we’re suppose to be such a diverse country, why aren’t I interviewed for my belief system and given the appropriate days off instead of the traditionalist holidays off. I’d much rather have December 21st off to celebrate, instead I have to take a rare and fleeting vacation day, or even work and do my little ceremony at the appointed time (in some cases most likely freaking out some people with my little outdoor ceremony, who will never question me about it, for fear that I will sue them). If given the choice of having the 21st of December or the 25th of December off, I’d go with the 21st, as that is my day of “celebration”. There are some people that complain that they don’t get their days of “celebration” off, but should get them off because its a religious thing for them, but don’t want to give up the traditionalist holidays either. Um, that’s not right. You can’t have it both ways. Either or, make a decision and if you choose your religious day off you can come sit with me in an empty building on Christmas. After all, its not YOUR holiday, so it should be just any other day at work... just with less people. Look at it this way, at least you’ll get more work done because people won’t be running around telling you about their shopping sprees. Of course the next day will suck because you have to listen to what everyone did over their three day weekend.

So, do what you do, let other people do what they do, and shut up about it. If you want your religious thing displayed somewhere and it isn’t, go buy one and donate it. I’m sure if you went to someone and said “hey, I would appreciate it if you would accept this thing to display” they would be more likely to actually display it, versus you walking up and saying “here’s this lawsuit because you aren’t displaying a Festivus Pole next to the soon to be dead non-descript non-offense pine tree”

Get a life people, and get busy reading about what the holidays are REALLY all about.

In anticipation of the rebirth of all earth’s belongings

Me

The Way Forward

So, the news is goofing on President Bush about saying “The Way Forward” over and over and over. Well, duh, that’s just contractor speak and has been used to death on documents for years now.

I’m actually somewhat relieved by the fact that its taken over for the nauseous and non-sensical “Paradigm Shift” of days gone by, perhaps it’ll even take over for “thinking outside the box”, but I doubt that. Thinking outside the box is how you plan the “way forward”. Then there are those who are rebels and use “Way Ahead”, which may be a little short-sighted and only used to get through the next week, whereas the “way forward” suggests a longer term plan, but certainly not a “solution” to a problem. Its more of a machete approach to get through a boggle, then you have to plan the plan for the over-arching solution.

Some other gems expected to make it into the mainstream (remember, you heard it here first) will be adding “centric” to everything. From Net-centric, to war-centric, peace-centric, grocery store-centric, you name it, and “centric” will be added to it.

Another good one is adding “ability” to the end of everything. Sustainability, Re-usability, coffeeability, planability, way forwardability, thinking outside of the boxability, paradigm shiftability. Its all just another way to say the same vague thing, but make it seem much MORE.

So, the depth and breadthability of the latest paradigm shift in the war strategy is to plan the plan for the way forward in the peace-centric future.

Witnessed this in the store today