For years now, “scientists” have been claiming that we humans have caused a HUGE hole in the ozone that will be the death of the earth. First of all, does it take a major degree to figure out that it won’t be the death of the earth, as it will continue spinning merrily through space, it just won’t have us living on it anymore. I’m sure it’ll be just as happy spinning merrily through space without us, as it did with us, so claiming that a hole in the ozone will destroy earth is a bit of an exaggeration. I think if they were really serious about this whole ozone hole thing, they would have a better marketing strategy such as:
“If we don’t clean up our carbon emissions, there won’t be a Survivor or American Idol next year”. That would get people to sit up and take notice, now don’t you think?
So, here we are at present day, with celebrities and politicians now jumping onto the “green” wagon (and I don’t mean green party) all spouting about how we (lowly minimum wage workers who can barely afford a car let alone the gas to put into it), need to cut back on our “carbon footprint”. Carbon footprint? I can smell a high paid consultant anywhere when the buzzwords start a’ flying.
Ok, we lowly minions say, we can do that... but why are you flying all over the world in private jets, driving hummers, and smoking cigars in places where we can’t?
CRAP! They’re on to us! What do we do now?
Of course! Create a company that will relieve you of all guilt associated with the lifestyle you’ve grown to love and refuse to give back no matter how much it speeds the earth’s atmosphere into dissolving human flesh like acid. Its perfect, because not only do you SEEM as though you care enough for everyone else by purchasing these amazing “carbon offsets”, but you also profit since you are a stockbroker in these companies! My GAWD, you can have your cake and eat it too! Now as you wing your way to the Academy Awards in your private jet with your entourage, you can gleefully announce that the carbon footprint of your trip was totally erased by your paying some company (that you happen to own stock in) an outrageous amount of money to plant trees somewhere that cost mere pennies.
Of course all of those tree plantings won’t erase that bad press about your gigantic mansion sucking in electricity and spewing out a carbon footprint the size of Texas. So much power consumed that you could have provided enough electricity for an entire third world country for a year, but hey, you argue... I’m in the process of swapping out those pool lights for some energy saving halogens, so it’ll take a while before that registers on the ol “carbon footprint” meter. Besides, I just invested even more money in carbon offsets, which will decimate an entire rain forest in order for my company to plant non indigenous maple trees in the Bahamas.
Better yet, how about all you rich do-gooders and “activists” stick your carbon footprint where it belongs and frankly if the earth is uninhabitable in a hundred years, I’m going to be dead, so I don’t give a flying whiz. Besides, aren’t we suppose to get smacked by a huge comet before then, so I’ll just drive my car all over the place, cut down some trees, and maybe build me a nice crackly bonfire. Anyone got a match?
“If we don’t clean up our carbon emissions, there won’t be a Survivor or American Idol next year”. That would get people to sit up and take notice, now don’t you think?
So, here we are at present day, with celebrities and politicians now jumping onto the “green” wagon (and I don’t mean green party) all spouting about how we (lowly minimum wage workers who can barely afford a car let alone the gas to put into it), need to cut back on our “carbon footprint”. Carbon footprint? I can smell a high paid consultant anywhere when the buzzwords start a’ flying.
Ok, we lowly minions say, we can do that... but why are you flying all over the world in private jets, driving hummers, and smoking cigars in places where we can’t?
CRAP! They’re on to us! What do we do now?
Of course! Create a company that will relieve you of all guilt associated with the lifestyle you’ve grown to love and refuse to give back no matter how much it speeds the earth’s atmosphere into dissolving human flesh like acid. Its perfect, because not only do you SEEM as though you care enough for everyone else by purchasing these amazing “carbon offsets”, but you also profit since you are a stockbroker in these companies! My GAWD, you can have your cake and eat it too! Now as you wing your way to the Academy Awards in your private jet with your entourage, you can gleefully announce that the carbon footprint of your trip was totally erased by your paying some company (that you happen to own stock in) an outrageous amount of money to plant trees somewhere that cost mere pennies.
Of course all of those tree plantings won’t erase that bad press about your gigantic mansion sucking in electricity and spewing out a carbon footprint the size of Texas. So much power consumed that you could have provided enough electricity for an entire third world country for a year, but hey, you argue... I’m in the process of swapping out those pool lights for some energy saving halogens, so it’ll take a while before that registers on the ol “carbon footprint” meter. Besides, I just invested even more money in carbon offsets, which will decimate an entire rain forest in order for my company to plant non indigenous maple trees in the Bahamas.
Better yet, how about all you rich do-gooders and “activists” stick your carbon footprint where it belongs and frankly if the earth is uninhabitable in a hundred years, I’m going to be dead, so I don’t give a flying whiz. Besides, aren’t we suppose to get smacked by a huge comet before then, so I’ll just drive my car all over the place, cut down some trees, and maybe build me a nice crackly bonfire. Anyone got a match?
