Trunk or Treat

I’ve learned from a reliable source (a friend who has kids) what the infamous “Trunk or Treat” signs were all about on churches.

Since “Trick or Treat” pretty much means: “give me candy or we’ll egg your expensive car”, I assumed that “Trunk or Treat” meant “give me candy or we’ll lock you in the trunk of your expensive car”. I just couldn’t figure out why churches were condoning such violent acts, since by nature they’re pretty much against the whole Halloween satanic ritual of begging for candy from strangers.

Churches have used a new device to sway young children from the evils of candy, strangers, and evil costumes by organizing “Trunk or Treat”. It also satisfies the amazingly obese parental population by allowing them to simply decorate their cars, park them in a row in a church parking lot, and dole out candy to their soon to be obese church going children.

The problem is that whole “or” thing. I wouldn’t have an issue if they called it “get candy from the trunk of someone’s car”, but they chose “trunk OR treat”, which makes no sense. And they wonder why Johnny can’t read the bible?

The one stipulation is that the children can’t dress up as evil or scary things... like your pedophile neighbor, or a congressman... oh, same thing. Ok, I’ll have to come up with a better example.

The whole lure to this is that the church guides impressionable youth to see that getting free or really cheap things out of a trunk is ok, which prepares them for a life in New York buying stolen merchandise from mobsters.

So, the mystery of “Trunk or Treat” is solved, except for that whole pesky OR thing.

365 Days of Harping for Nothing

Well, its about that time again.

The night where we let children run around in sight obscuring costumes, go door to door, begging for candy from strangers.

Oh sure, throughout the year we’re beating into their heads how they shouldn’t be out at night, and how they shouldn’t approach strangers, let alone TAKE anything from them, but this one night... its ok.

I wonder if parents, in this high tech world we live in, have printed out the addresses of all those sex offenders to avoid those homes. That will ensure their little kid is safe, that’s for sure. There couldn’t be a crack head in the neighborhood, or someone that’s just waiting to get arrested. We all know our neighbors... ok, no we don’t. We sit in our houses after working long hours, we probably wave at them when we drive by, just to be friendly and so they don’t call the authorities on us for stupid reasons, but we don’t know if they kidnap magazine subscription kids and eat their flesh in their basements. We have no idea if they have a fetish dungeon in their attic and all those cars parked out front aren’t relatives visiting. Not a clue. Nobody goes over to the neighbors with cookies and chats over coffee anymore, we’re too busy. But we aren’t too busy to go parading the kids out in darkened streets to get free candy, no sirreee.

Sure, go ahead and let your kids run wild on Halloween. I’m sure its perfectly safe in today’s society.