One of the more enjoyable aspects of this heated political race is learning how to deal with the public, and how you can turn any lie into something more benign and innocent. That truly is a gift and one that I hope to use in my next writing gig interview:
Interviewer: So, tell me about some of the things that you’ve written.
Me: I wrote the Bible.
Interviewer: Um, excuse me?
Me: Yep, wrote the whole thing.
Interviewer: The Bible? You wrote the Bible?
Me: Yep, it was pretty hard actually, I distinctly recall that mid-way into the whole thing I ran out of paper. Office Depot was closed, but luckily there was a Walmart that was open 24 hours a day so I was able to score some paper there and finished it ahead of my deadline.
Interviewer: Um, you didn’t write the Bible.
Me: Oh... I’m sorry, I misspoke. I was up late last night watching YouTube videos and chatting, so I’m a bit tired. You are absolutely right, I didn’t write the Bible, but I did read some of it.
Interviewer: Oh, ok, yeah, I can see how lack of sleep would make you a bit confused about that, so when can you start?
See how easy that is! If it works for them, it surely can work for me.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Separation of Church and State
We can't have our children saying the pledge of allegiance at school because it evokes the name of God
We can't have that on our money either, are you kidding me?
Um... wait a minute....
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Yes, I'm Bitter
I’m really scratching my head about the latest hoopla about Obama saying that people are bitter. Um, yep, I’m bitter. He nailed that one on the head. Not only am I bitter, but I’m angry, frustrated, pissed off, and generally cranky about our government, the stupid restrictive laws they pass, the fact that most of my paycheck is eaten away by taxes and a social security program that won’t be available when I need it, their spending money left and right on things I don’t believe in nor do I want to pay for with the taxes they drain from my paycheck, the fact that reports come out every day about the frivolous spending, waste, and abuse of my tax money, and their trying to take my guns away from me, give my tax money to ILLEGAL immigrants by giving them the same benefits (HA, what would those be) that I pay into the tax system for, and YOU BETCH YOUR ASS I’M BITTER!!!!!
So, Mr. Obama doesn’t have to apologize for saying that I’m bitter, because I am, and if you go around telling people that I should be offended, then frankly you are so delusional and too rich to freakin realize that people are bitter, fed up, tired of jobs going overseas, tired of China sending us poison in our foods and in our pet foods, tired of spinning in my gerbil wheel day in and day out and not being able to get ahead because I work twice as hard to bring in a decent wage only to see it go toward more taxes, gas, higher prices on food and everything else, and being told where I can and can’t do things.
Politicians are suppose to be PUBLIC SERVANTS and yet they get cheap medical benefits, bloated retirement plans, ludicrous salaries, perks like jets when they want to fly around, pretty much everything that I don’t get. You sit on your thrones and tell us to eat cake and how wonderful you are and how great america is and yet thousands are losing homes because of mismanagement and corrupt businesses, thousands are losing their retirements because we’re forced to put into 401Ks that are based on these corrupt businesses that pay their CEOs bloated salaries and money for leaving once they’ve drained the company and the 401k funds dry.
You and the MEDIA are the ones running what the issues are, not the people. Nobody speaks to the people, the media hires high priced “experts” to give them their opinion of what WE THE PEOPLE care about, but nobody has called me up and said “hey, what do you care about?” Nope, not ever.
Bitter... that barely scratches the surface of how I feel about how “MY” government is run and about this high school-like campaign. Good lord, is this a federal election or a spat on Myspace?
Stop pointing fingers, nit picking words and start telling me how you’re going to fix this crappy mess we call a government without spending the rest of my paycheck.
In the words of Howard Beale...
So, Mr. Obama doesn’t have to apologize for saying that I’m bitter, because I am, and if you go around telling people that I should be offended, then frankly you are so delusional and too rich to freakin realize that people are bitter, fed up, tired of jobs going overseas, tired of China sending us poison in our foods and in our pet foods, tired of spinning in my gerbil wheel day in and day out and not being able to get ahead because I work twice as hard to bring in a decent wage only to see it go toward more taxes, gas, higher prices on food and everything else, and being told where I can and can’t do things.
Politicians are suppose to be PUBLIC SERVANTS and yet they get cheap medical benefits, bloated retirement plans, ludicrous salaries, perks like jets when they want to fly around, pretty much everything that I don’t get. You sit on your thrones and tell us to eat cake and how wonderful you are and how great america is and yet thousands are losing homes because of mismanagement and corrupt businesses, thousands are losing their retirements because we’re forced to put into 401Ks that are based on these corrupt businesses that pay their CEOs bloated salaries and money for leaving once they’ve drained the company and the 401k funds dry.
You and the MEDIA are the ones running what the issues are, not the people. Nobody speaks to the people, the media hires high priced “experts” to give them their opinion of what WE THE PEOPLE care about, but nobody has called me up and said “hey, what do you care about?” Nope, not ever.
Bitter... that barely scratches the surface of how I feel about how “MY” government is run and about this high school-like campaign. Good lord, is this a federal election or a spat on Myspace?
Stop pointing fingers, nit picking words and start telling me how you’re going to fix this crappy mess we call a government without spending the rest of my paycheck.
In the words of Howard Beale...
Friday, April 11, 2008
Rental Families
A friend of mine is in the process of getting a divorce. An 11 year marriage that resulted in three children, she was devastated (especially when she found out he was leaving by text message), she’ coping rather well by finding a cool younger guy to sow her wild oats with. In the meantime, her soon to be ex-husband has found an older professional woman. In her 40’s, she travels for business a lot, wants a family, but doesn’t want to give up her career, or freedom, or money to actually bear children of her own. So, what better way to have one’s cake and eat it to than hooking up with a divorced father.
It makes me wonder if this is becoming (or currently is already) a trend in the world. You hear of professional women pursuing their careers and forsaking the baby experience because they want to succeed in their jobs, then hit their late 40’s or 50’s and yearn to have a child. Some go the artificial insemination route and raise the kids by themselves, but how many out there have found that they can have kids without the stretch marks, responsibility or financial burden by simply marrying or just dating into a pre-made family. Its like part-time parenting. You get them for certain days, then give them back. You only take them when its convenient and you can dump them off just as they are getting annoying or having issues.
Even though, in most cases, the mother gets most of the custody of the children, the father is usually in the mix somewhere and has to take them on weekends or holidays or some such arrangement. Well, not to stereotype a gender, but men usually don’t do most of the child rearing, but they are really good and trying to assuage their guilt at leaving the kids through bribery, so the kids make out pretty good on the toy end, and having a new girlfriend/wife that wants kids, but not the burden of actually HAVING them means that the fathers can sit in front of the tv us usual while new partner gets her fix of kids, then send them back. Very convenient situation.
What with all the hoopla over who can and can’t get married, the expense and pain of divorcing, I wonder if it would be more convenient just to abolish this whole stupid marriage thing. Go forth, have kids if you want, share them with others, whatever.
Oh wait, that seems a bit too much like the whole polygamy thing now doesn’t it. Speaking of which (and what a horrible transition that was) has anyone noticed that the Texas polygamy thing went from a religion, to a sect and is now a bone fide cult at the moment? Thanks to the newscasters who are truly reaching into depths of great fiction to “speculate” on everything going on there without having any facts to report on.
Remember: bed in a temple means dirty old men raping underage girls. You heard it first on CNN, who was then quoted by FOX, who was then quoted by MSNBC so that means its true.
Thus ends my ramble
It makes me wonder if this is becoming (or currently is already) a trend in the world. You hear of professional women pursuing their careers and forsaking the baby experience because they want to succeed in their jobs, then hit their late 40’s or 50’s and yearn to have a child. Some go the artificial insemination route and raise the kids by themselves, but how many out there have found that they can have kids without the stretch marks, responsibility or financial burden by simply marrying or just dating into a pre-made family. Its like part-time parenting. You get them for certain days, then give them back. You only take them when its convenient and you can dump them off just as they are getting annoying or having issues.
Even though, in most cases, the mother gets most of the custody of the children, the father is usually in the mix somewhere and has to take them on weekends or holidays or some such arrangement. Well, not to stereotype a gender, but men usually don’t do most of the child rearing, but they are really good and trying to assuage their guilt at leaving the kids through bribery, so the kids make out pretty good on the toy end, and having a new girlfriend/wife that wants kids, but not the burden of actually HAVING them means that the fathers can sit in front of the tv us usual while new partner gets her fix of kids, then send them back. Very convenient situation.
What with all the hoopla over who can and can’t get married, the expense and pain of divorcing, I wonder if it would be more convenient just to abolish this whole stupid marriage thing. Go forth, have kids if you want, share them with others, whatever.
Oh wait, that seems a bit too much like the whole polygamy thing now doesn’t it. Speaking of which (and what a horrible transition that was) has anyone noticed that the Texas polygamy thing went from a religion, to a sect and is now a bone fide cult at the moment? Thanks to the newscasters who are truly reaching into depths of great fiction to “speculate” on everything going on there without having any facts to report on.
Remember: bed in a temple means dirty old men raping underage girls. You heard it first on CNN, who was then quoted by FOX, who was then quoted by MSNBC so that means its true.
Thus ends my ramble
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
I have a Purchase Card, so I can still spend
Oh gee, what a shock that the Government Accountability Office (GAO) has come out AGAIN to report the abuse of Government Purchase Cards. Everything from iPods to escort services, to lingerie used in jungle training (hmm) was reported this year by the regulatory body.
This story seems a tad bit familiar to me, I vaguely recall... why yes, a Google search done shows this very same abuse going on since 1999, and each time there is screaming and gnashing of teeth to stop this abuse, control the spending and... nothing is done until the next year when the report comes out.
Sure, the major abusers are charged and some made to repay the amounts they spent, but what about the nearly 2 MILLION dollars worth of items that can’t be accounted for?
Yes, this abuse must stop, but why hasn’t it? Every year since 1999 this unbridled spending spree has occurred, outrage expressed, and nothing done about it. That money comes from you and I. If your husband, wife, daughter, son, family member was using your credit card to spend money on frivolous and unauthorized items, wouldn’t you do something about that? Would you shake your finger at them and say “stop that” and let them keep those cards? I don’t think so, and yet your Uncle Sam allows it irresponsible family members to continue spending money willy nilly and getting away with it.
Talk about fiscal responsibility, perhaps if out government would better control its employees and stopped all of this waste, fraud, and theft, we (the taxpayers) wouldn’t have to pay $13,500 for their employees to have a nice meal at a steakhouse. Why wasn’t I invited?
So, everyone, lets pound our fists on our desks and scream THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, then get distracted by a tv for another year until we get to do it again.
This story seems a tad bit familiar to me, I vaguely recall... why yes, a Google search done shows this very same abuse going on since 1999, and each time there is screaming and gnashing of teeth to stop this abuse, control the spending and... nothing is done until the next year when the report comes out.
Sure, the major abusers are charged and some made to repay the amounts they spent, but what about the nearly 2 MILLION dollars worth of items that can’t be accounted for?
Yes, this abuse must stop, but why hasn’t it? Every year since 1999 this unbridled spending spree has occurred, outrage expressed, and nothing done about it. That money comes from you and I. If your husband, wife, daughter, son, family member was using your credit card to spend money on frivolous and unauthorized items, wouldn’t you do something about that? Would you shake your finger at them and say “stop that” and let them keep those cards? I don’t think so, and yet your Uncle Sam allows it irresponsible family members to continue spending money willy nilly and getting away with it.
Talk about fiscal responsibility, perhaps if out government would better control its employees and stopped all of this waste, fraud, and theft, we (the taxpayers) wouldn’t have to pay $13,500 for their employees to have a nice meal at a steakhouse. Why wasn’t I invited?
So, everyone, lets pound our fists on our desks and scream THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, then get distracted by a tv for another year until we get to do it again.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Saturday, April 05, 2008
How Much?
I’m sitting in front of the computer and my stomach is growling. I could go upstairs and get something to snack on.
I’m blessed with a house (house payment), we refinanced and had enough brains not to sign one of the more unsavory loans that are causing thousands of people to become homeless.
We both have steady jobs, although the latest news says that 80,000 people lost their jobs and thanks for the whole mortgage fiasco, more will most likely lose their jobs soon. We’re both contractors, so when the pork gets cut it will most likely be our bacon falling into the unemployment line along with all of the finance people.
Gas prices are soaring, cutting even deeper into empty pockets, causing prices for food, clothing, and other items to increase to pay for transportation of those items into local stores.
Some say we’re in a recession, some say we’re on the way to a recession, and some claim we’re in a depression but the American people don’t care what you call it, we call it uncomfortable, unsettling, and downright scary. Not knowing if you’ll have a job next week, not knowing how you’ll pay for your house if you lose your job, not knowing where you’ll live if you lose your house. Stop bickering about what to call it and try to figure out how to fix it WITHOUT using everyone’s tax dollars to bail out companies or create new programs that won’t work.
So here we are, the little people, the ones that truly know what its like to scrimp and live from paycheck to paycheck. Good, hard working, honest people in trouble and needing a leader that knows how it feels to be teetering on the edge of despair.
Hillary is now proposing a cabinet position called “Poverty Czar” (please note, those are her words, straight from her campaign web site) who will be (direct quote) “... a cabinet level position that will be solely and fully devoted to ending poverty as we know it in America.” REALLY! So all this time, all the government had to do was create this position and nobody in America would be poor? Sounds insanely easy, lets get going on that, lets create a position of Czar (AKA: Emperor, which is a position title you normal hear of in a democratic society such as ours... or not) and let this Emperor/Czar lift this nation out of poverty without the use of any tax dollars (which come from us poverty people).
Actually, the best way to solve poverty in the United States is to ensure that all Americans get the same benefits and pay that our “public servants” get in their jobs. Check out their cushy salary and benefits plan. Must be nice!
How many of you have jobs where you can take off weeks at a time to fly around in a jet and campaign for another job? Well, that’s what McCain, Clinton, and Obama are doing. While receiving pay to do their Senate gig, they are taking off time to campaign in every state in the Nation. How many of you get that in your current job? Hey boss, I’ll be out of the office for a few weeks, I’m going to fly around the nation and see if I can’t get another job somewhere else. Just keep direct depositing my salary, and thanks.
So, the next time you hear your candidate saying “I feel your pain, I know what you are going through”, check this little tidbit out.
$109 MILLION
I want to feel their pain.
I’m blessed with a house (house payment), we refinanced and had enough brains not to sign one of the more unsavory loans that are causing thousands of people to become homeless.
We both have steady jobs, although the latest news says that 80,000 people lost their jobs and thanks for the whole mortgage fiasco, more will most likely lose their jobs soon. We’re both contractors, so when the pork gets cut it will most likely be our bacon falling into the unemployment line along with all of the finance people.
Gas prices are soaring, cutting even deeper into empty pockets, causing prices for food, clothing, and other items to increase to pay for transportation of those items into local stores.
Some say we’re in a recession, some say we’re on the way to a recession, and some claim we’re in a depression but the American people don’t care what you call it, we call it uncomfortable, unsettling, and downright scary. Not knowing if you’ll have a job next week, not knowing how you’ll pay for your house if you lose your job, not knowing where you’ll live if you lose your house. Stop bickering about what to call it and try to figure out how to fix it WITHOUT using everyone’s tax dollars to bail out companies or create new programs that won’t work.
So here we are, the little people, the ones that truly know what its like to scrimp and live from paycheck to paycheck. Good, hard working, honest people in trouble and needing a leader that knows how it feels to be teetering on the edge of despair.
Hillary is now proposing a cabinet position called “Poverty Czar” (please note, those are her words, straight from her campaign web site) who will be (direct quote) “... a cabinet level position that will be solely and fully devoted to ending poverty as we know it in America.” REALLY! So all this time, all the government had to do was create this position and nobody in America would be poor? Sounds insanely easy, lets get going on that, lets create a position of Czar (AKA: Emperor, which is a position title you normal hear of in a democratic society such as ours... or not) and let this Emperor/Czar lift this nation out of poverty without the use of any tax dollars (which come from us poverty people).
Actually, the best way to solve poverty in the United States is to ensure that all Americans get the same benefits and pay that our “public servants” get in their jobs. Check out their cushy salary and benefits plan. Must be nice!
How many of you have jobs where you can take off weeks at a time to fly around in a jet and campaign for another job? Well, that’s what McCain, Clinton, and Obama are doing. While receiving pay to do their Senate gig, they are taking off time to campaign in every state in the Nation. How many of you get that in your current job? Hey boss, I’ll be out of the office for a few weeks, I’m going to fly around the nation and see if I can’t get another job somewhere else. Just keep direct depositing my salary, and thanks.
So, the next time you hear your candidate saying “I feel your pain, I know what you are going through”, check this little tidbit out.
$109 MILLION
I want to feel their pain.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Cell Phone Vs. Smoking
It comes as no surprise to me that a claim has been made that cell phones are more dangerous than smoking.
Why isn't this a surprise to me? Well, because I have half of a brain and can figure these things out.
You may recall the witch hunt of cigarette smoking. Cigarettes were evil, the people that make them are evil, the people that smoke them are evil, and the ones that smoke them causes all of the non-smokers to pay a gazillion dollars in health care benefits because of the burden passed on by these heartless bastards that smoke. Smokers were literally draining the life blood and life savings of the innocents. Not only that, but they were causing the innocents to get sick from their vile and disgusting second hand smoke.
Laws were passed to stop smoking in public places, some even passed laws that kept people from smoking in their own homes, and tobacco companies were sued left and right with gazillion dollar payouts to the "victims" of smoking.
The media crowed this victory over smoking and predicted that cancer rates and medical insurance rates would surely plummet and everyone will be healthy and happy once again! We won the war of smoking and cancer.
Um, wait a minute. People are still getting cancers, and people are still draining the health care industry, and ... well, we need to blame someone. We can't just have a disease that randomly hits people and makes them sick or makes them die! We can't have something we can't fight, cure, or figure out what is really causing it. We can't go on in this life thinking that even if we eat our vegetables, exercise, get enough sleep, we could still contract a horrible wasting disease with no cure!
WAIT! Cell phones! Yes, it must be that since people are stillg etting sick and cancers that it must be cell phones. I mean how else would small kids and people who never smoked could get cancer. We blamed it on those foul second hand smoke emitters, but now that we can eat in a McDonalds without noxious fumes blowing in our faces (and remember, you officially could get cancer from second hand smoke, but you can't get high from second hand marijuana smoke, go figure that one out), the only rational and cost effective reason would be cell phones.
Just about everyone has a cell phone, everyone uses them, and the cell phone industry has a lot of cash. BRILLIANT! Lets blame something that we'll eventually find out is either a huge concoction of environmental factors, or just the luck of the gene draw on something else lucrative to lawyers.
Watch out everyone! Take it from a closet smoker, the time will come where you won't be able to use your cell phone any more, won't be able to have one actually. They'll start whittling away your rights and perhaps you'll be forced to only use your cell phone outside. Soon you won't be able to use it in a food place, or in public even. Those death rays from your cell phone could irradiate the small child in your car, so don't use your cell in the car when children are present. Sound familiar? Yep, it is, but for those of you that can't remember last month, let alone last year, or five years ago will not recognize the fear mongering that is used to get money, and create a bunch of scared lemmings that just swallow every word the media or government throws at you.
Why isn't this a surprise to me? Well, because I have half of a brain and can figure these things out.
You may recall the witch hunt of cigarette smoking. Cigarettes were evil, the people that make them are evil, the people that smoke them are evil, and the ones that smoke them causes all of the non-smokers to pay a gazillion dollars in health care benefits because of the burden passed on by these heartless bastards that smoke. Smokers were literally draining the life blood and life savings of the innocents. Not only that, but they were causing the innocents to get sick from their vile and disgusting second hand smoke.
Laws were passed to stop smoking in public places, some even passed laws that kept people from smoking in their own homes, and tobacco companies were sued left and right with gazillion dollar payouts to the "victims" of smoking.
The media crowed this victory over smoking and predicted that cancer rates and medical insurance rates would surely plummet and everyone will be healthy and happy once again! We won the war of smoking and cancer.
Um, wait a minute. People are still getting cancers, and people are still draining the health care industry, and ... well, we need to blame someone. We can't just have a disease that randomly hits people and makes them sick or makes them die! We can't have something we can't fight, cure, or figure out what is really causing it. We can't go on in this life thinking that even if we eat our vegetables, exercise, get enough sleep, we could still contract a horrible wasting disease with no cure!
WAIT! Cell phones! Yes, it must be that since people are stillg etting sick and cancers that it must be cell phones. I mean how else would small kids and people who never smoked could get cancer. We blamed it on those foul second hand smoke emitters, but now that we can eat in a McDonalds without noxious fumes blowing in our faces (and remember, you officially could get cancer from second hand smoke, but you can't get high from second hand marijuana smoke, go figure that one out), the only rational and cost effective reason would be cell phones.
Just about everyone has a cell phone, everyone uses them, and the cell phone industry has a lot of cash. BRILLIANT! Lets blame something that we'll eventually find out is either a huge concoction of environmental factors, or just the luck of the gene draw on something else lucrative to lawyers.
Watch out everyone! Take it from a closet smoker, the time will come where you won't be able to use your cell phone any more, won't be able to have one actually. They'll start whittling away your rights and perhaps you'll be forced to only use your cell phone outside. Soon you won't be able to use it in a food place, or in public even. Those death rays from your cell phone could irradiate the small child in your car, so don't use your cell in the car when children are present. Sound familiar? Yep, it is, but for those of you that can't remember last month, let alone last year, or five years ago will not recognize the fear mongering that is used to get money, and create a bunch of scared lemmings that just swallow every word the media or government throws at you.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Thanks, That's Much Easier
I have allergies. I never had allergies until I moved to the state of Maryland, where apparently allergies are the state past time.
When Benadryl stopped working, along with the myriad of other over the counter (OTC) medications, I asked my doctor who dumped a handful of Zyrtec samples into my bag and told me to let her know how those worked. I took it, it worked, I told her, she wrote me a prescription for it. I got 30 pills (a month’s worth) for a $10 co-pay. When those ran out, I called her and she had another load of them waiting for a mere $10 co-pay.
The other day spring had sprung along with my allergies so I was about to call her up and ask for another prescription when a commercial caught my eye. What’s this? Zyrtec is now OTC. GREAT NEWS, the commercial screamed, NOW ITS EASIER TO GET RELIEF!
Sure, it was such a huge burden to call my doctor and ask for a refill, then shlep over to the pharmacy to pick it up. Thanks money grubbing pharmaceutical company for making my allergy suffering less burdensome by eliminating a phone call. Now I can just walk into the store and get it, thanks.
Um, wait a minute! I checked out the various and sundry bottles of OTC zyrtec. I could pay $6.00 for 3 pills, or I could pay $15.00 for 14 pills, or I could pay $31.00 for 28 pills. You don’t need to be a math genius to figure out that the elimination of a phone call to my doctor is now costing me over $30 for the same amount that I got for $10.
Stupid, greedy pharmaceutical whores! I’m sure I’m paying for the PRETTY packaging as the pills that I bought came in individual little hermetically sealed packets. Why? I don’t know, just shove them all in a stupid bottle and then I only have to wrestle once with opening the lid, peeling off that worthless tinfoil seal, fish the cotton ball out of there and pop one in my mouth. No, now I have to rip the blister pack, which won’t rip right, which means I have to get out the scissors and try to cut around the little pill without cutting the pill and now my blood pressure is so high I’ll probably end up on some other medication that will also go OTC.
When Benadryl stopped working, along with the myriad of other over the counter (OTC) medications, I asked my doctor who dumped a handful of Zyrtec samples into my bag and told me to let her know how those worked. I took it, it worked, I told her, she wrote me a prescription for it. I got 30 pills (a month’s worth) for a $10 co-pay. When those ran out, I called her and she had another load of them waiting for a mere $10 co-pay.
The other day spring had sprung along with my allergies so I was about to call her up and ask for another prescription when a commercial caught my eye. What’s this? Zyrtec is now OTC. GREAT NEWS, the commercial screamed, NOW ITS EASIER TO GET RELIEF!
Sure, it was such a huge burden to call my doctor and ask for a refill, then shlep over to the pharmacy to pick it up. Thanks money grubbing pharmaceutical company for making my allergy suffering less burdensome by eliminating a phone call. Now I can just walk into the store and get it, thanks.
Um, wait a minute! I checked out the various and sundry bottles of OTC zyrtec. I could pay $6.00 for 3 pills, or I could pay $15.00 for 14 pills, or I could pay $31.00 for 28 pills. You don’t need to be a math genius to figure out that the elimination of a phone call to my doctor is now costing me over $30 for the same amount that I got for $10.
Stupid, greedy pharmaceutical whores! I’m sure I’m paying for the PRETTY packaging as the pills that I bought came in individual little hermetically sealed packets. Why? I don’t know, just shove them all in a stupid bottle and then I only have to wrestle once with opening the lid, peeling off that worthless tinfoil seal, fish the cotton ball out of there and pop one in my mouth. No, now I have to rip the blister pack, which won’t rip right, which means I have to get out the scissors and try to cut around the little pill without cutting the pill and now my blood pressure is so high I’ll probably end up on some other medication that will also go OTC.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Cell Phones = infertility
A recent study suggested that men who use cell phones face the risk of infertility. Apparently the more the man uses the phone, the more sperm are killed by the evil cell phone rays.
Since there has also been a rise in the cost of birth control, and some incidents where birth control isn't being made available to low income individuals, who apparently are low income but can still afford a cell phone, we've developed a new dual purpose cell phone holder/fertility buster solution:
Since there has also been a rise in the cost of birth control, and some incidents where birth control isn't being made available to low income individuals, who apparently are low income but can still afford a cell phone, we've developed a new dual purpose cell phone holder/fertility buster solution:
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Separated at Birth?
Has anyone noticed that Democratic Analyst and pundit Susan Estrich is a clone of Carol Channing?
Carol Channing:
Susan Estrich:
Scary, isn't it?
Carol Channing:
Susan Estrich:
Scary, isn't it?
Thursday, March 13, 2008
The News of the World
Ok, so what's been happening in the news of the world lately?
Well, if you watch any of the major media outlets, the only news lately is:
New York Governor spends gazillions on whores.
How does the resigning New York Governor who spent gazillions on whores affect the presidential race.
Wait a minute... nothing else happened in the whole entire world but this governor and whore business?
Oh, yes, of course, that's because all of the U.S. media outlets see the world like this:
Yep, as far as the major news outlets are concerned, New York is the ONLY important state there is in the whole world. Everything important happens in New York, and the rest of the U.S. is just... well, morons and not newsworthy.
Ok, back to the former governor that spent gazillions on whores, I'm really loving all of the airplay this "Kristen" is getting. I now know more about her than I do about my own mother. I've gotten to listen to her "rap" song, I know she was abused and moved around a lot, and I know she charged $4,000 and insisted that a rubber be used. WAAAAY too much information for someone that is nobody.
My most favorite quote from her is "I'm not a monster"... no, you're a whore and frankly I hope you sue me once you've made your book and movie deals and become horrendously and for no good reason rich beyond your 15 minutes of fame so I can say that I'm being sued by the whore that boned the pompous Governor of New York. I, unlike you, don't live in a swanky New York apartment that I can't afford and have no prospects of ever becoming as "famous" as you for the fleeting time you'll have fame and then delve into the wonderful world of reality tv shows on MTV or (heaven forbid) VH1.
Enjoy yourself "Kristen" its not going to last very long because the real people on Non-New York are already tired of hearing about it, and those media elitists are already getting weary of it as well.
Well, if you watch any of the major media outlets, the only news lately is:
New York Governor spends gazillions on whores.
How does the resigning New York Governor who spent gazillions on whores affect the presidential race.
Wait a minute... nothing else happened in the whole entire world but this governor and whore business?
Oh, yes, of course, that's because all of the U.S. media outlets see the world like this:
Yep, as far as the major news outlets are concerned, New York is the ONLY important state there is in the whole world. Everything important happens in New York, and the rest of the U.S. is just... well, morons and not newsworthy.
Ok, back to the former governor that spent gazillions on whores, I'm really loving all of the airplay this "Kristen" is getting. I now know more about her than I do about my own mother. I've gotten to listen to her "rap" song, I know she was abused and moved around a lot, and I know she charged $4,000 and insisted that a rubber be used. WAAAAY too much information for someone that is nobody.
My most favorite quote from her is "I'm not a monster"... no, you're a whore and frankly I hope you sue me once you've made your book and movie deals and become horrendously and for no good reason rich beyond your 15 minutes of fame so I can say that I'm being sued by the whore that boned the pompous Governor of New York. I, unlike you, don't live in a swanky New York apartment that I can't afford and have no prospects of ever becoming as "famous" as you for the fleeting time you'll have fame and then delve into the wonderful world of reality tv shows on MTV or (heaven forbid) VH1.
Enjoy yourself "Kristen" its not going to last very long because the real people on Non-New York are already tired of hearing about it, and those media elitists are already getting weary of it as well.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Got a headache? Drink some water
So, a report has come out that says that testing has revealed a regular pharmacy is perking right in our water system. Everything from pain relievers to sex drugs are ending up in our water thanks to our filtration systems.
Sure, those systems filter out the nastiest of the nasties, but they weren’t made to filter out the myriad of drugs we take in our lives and then pee into our very drinking water.
Ok, I’m not stupid, I KNOW where are drinking water comes from. I’m not silly to believe that a pristine waterfall of crystal clear water flows straight into my communities water tap, I do know that all sorts of ick is processed at the water filtration department, and that certain filters are applied to ensure that our drinking water isn’t entirely nasty (well, except the water in San Angelo, Texas did taste and smell like it came straight from a swimming pool), but I really don’t need the media showing a graphic that pretty much shows a cartoon toilet with a pipe going to water faucet. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more going on between the toilet and my water tap... at least I hope so.
All these years I’ve yelled at the dogs for drinking straight out of the toilet, perhaps I’ve been wrong. maybe I need to go apologize to my dogs. All these years they’ve been actually getting the good stuff and I’ve been drinking the pee of some old lady taking hormones.
I do wish that my neighbors would all take some better drugs though. Instead of sex hormones or aspirin, perhaps we can all get together for some nice Oxycotin or something that would make going to work a bit more bearable. Next time I have to take a piss test and pop for something strange, I’m blaming the water.
Sure, those systems filter out the nastiest of the nasties, but they weren’t made to filter out the myriad of drugs we take in our lives and then pee into our very drinking water.
Ok, I’m not stupid, I KNOW where are drinking water comes from. I’m not silly to believe that a pristine waterfall of crystal clear water flows straight into my communities water tap, I do know that all sorts of ick is processed at the water filtration department, and that certain filters are applied to ensure that our drinking water isn’t entirely nasty (well, except the water in San Angelo, Texas did taste and smell like it came straight from a swimming pool), but I really don’t need the media showing a graphic that pretty much shows a cartoon toilet with a pipe going to water faucet. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more going on between the toilet and my water tap... at least I hope so.
All these years I’ve yelled at the dogs for drinking straight out of the toilet, perhaps I’ve been wrong. maybe I need to go apologize to my dogs. All these years they’ve been actually getting the good stuff and I’ve been drinking the pee of some old lady taking hormones.
I do wish that my neighbors would all take some better drugs though. Instead of sex hormones or aspirin, perhaps we can all get together for some nice Oxycotin or something that would make going to work a bit more bearable. Next time I have to take a piss test and pop for something strange, I’m blaming the water.
Friday, March 07, 2008
The World Is Insane
Instead of ranting, tonight I direct you to another blog, where someone else has pointed out, with pictures, just how insane the world is.
Land of the free? I don’t think so.
Land of the free? I don’t think so.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
What's all the Hoopla About?
Ok, so apparently there is some kind of hoopla involved with a picture of Obama dressed in Somolia clothing that was taken while he was visiting there for some government thing.In case you managed to miss this picture and the hoopla, I've linked it for your viewing enjoyment.
Ok, its a pretty silly looking outfit, but hey, I know that our government officials have to put up with some strange customs while visiting foreign nations, its called "DIPLOMACY". I'm not quite sure what emotions we're suppose to feel by seeing this picture, other than its sorta silly looking, but no sillier than seeing our current President doing the chicken dance in Africa recently.
Apparently the hoopla is coming from the Clinton camp, and they seem to be offended by the fact that here's Obama in this silly outfit and its not getting any press, but if Hillary were dressed up in something silly, it would be splashed all over the news and people would be making fun of her. Granted, if she were dressed in anything other than a subdued pants suit, we'd be shocked and talking (hey, Hillary, want some press, how about a pair of jeans, perhaps a tank top... ever hear of a thing called a dress?)
So, the Clinton camp is mad because Hillary isn't getting any press about wearing stupid things.
Ok, that's a bit odd, but if that's what they want, then here is my artist representation of Hillary Clinton dressed as a squirrel. Now, I'm not saying she is a squirrel, nor has she ever dressed as a squirrel (to my knowledge) its just that I'm too lazy to google around and see if there are any pictures of her wearing something zany or crazy (other than a wacky colored pants suit), so this is what I imagine she would look like if she were to wear a squirrel costume.There, I hope the Clinton campaign staff is happy now.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Another Weekly Rant Wrap Up
A teacher has come forward to say that he was illiterate, cheated his way through high school and college, then lied and taught your children for 17 years, not knowing whether or not THEY could read when they graduated, but points the finger of blame at everyone but himself.
He knows how to read now, and has written several books and gets paid big bucks to go around and talk about how the system failed him. Gee, seems like he failed the system, and those 17 years of children he “taught”.
Castro says he’s not running for President anymore. Fox news has a live camera showing Little Havana’s response... or lack thereof actually. President Bush says that “We will help the Cuban people realize the blessing of liberty...” Um, so they’ll get to experience high taxes, controversial and corrupt elections, bloated government spending, corruption in the government, and the government spying on its own citizens, just like the U.S.?
Now that all smokers have been banned and locked into prison cells, banished from smoking in any covered building or within 500 miles of any covered building for that fact, we don’t have anyone to pick on. OH! Ok, from now on, we’re going to ban the obese from going into restaurants because people don’t make themselves fat, restaurants do, so we’re saving the fat people from fried foods.
A Showbiz Special Report documented why Hollywood actors dating hot women stars usually botched up those relationships (Think Devine Brown), and the reason for this, according to the report: Its the man’s fault. Here’s one not covered: The Hollywood actresses are all gigantic bitches? Naah!
This just in: 5 hours after Castro announced he was not running for President of Cuba again, CNN broke into their usual reporting to give us the BREAKING NEWS that Castro wasn’t running for President of Cuba again. Has the media lost all concept of “breaking news” and “this just in”?
This just in: Napolean was defeated at Waterloo, film after the break.
When the shuttle landed the other day, Fox puppetheads called it “Historic”. Why? Because it didn’t blow up?
By the way, carbs are now good for you, so eat all you want, as long as its cold carbs. Butter is still bad, but so is the fake butter stuff, and bacon gives you cancer.
Bravo on shooting down the spy satellite. Thanks for the footage too or else we wouldn’t have believed it. On second thought, how do we know that was the satellite... how do you know a missile was actually shot up into space. That did sorta look like a clip from a movie, now didn’t it. Hmmmm.
The question of the week is “Can Obama deliver on his message?” Um, why limit it to just Obama. History has shown that no candidate has EVER made good on his campaign promises, so why are we now asking about it after all these years?
Sharper Image and Lillian Vernon going bankrupt. Guess I won’t be able to flounce around in my old lady clothes while snorting Ionic Breeze fumes.
He knows how to read now, and has written several books and gets paid big bucks to go around and talk about how the system failed him. Gee, seems like he failed the system, and those 17 years of children he “taught”.
Castro says he’s not running for President anymore. Fox news has a live camera showing Little Havana’s response... or lack thereof actually. President Bush says that “We will help the Cuban people realize the blessing of liberty...” Um, so they’ll get to experience high taxes, controversial and corrupt elections, bloated government spending, corruption in the government, and the government spying on its own citizens, just like the U.S.?
Now that all smokers have been banned and locked into prison cells, banished from smoking in any covered building or within 500 miles of any covered building for that fact, we don’t have anyone to pick on. OH! Ok, from now on, we’re going to ban the obese from going into restaurants because people don’t make themselves fat, restaurants do, so we’re saving the fat people from fried foods.
A Showbiz Special Report documented why Hollywood actors dating hot women stars usually botched up those relationships (Think Devine Brown), and the reason for this, according to the report: Its the man’s fault. Here’s one not covered: The Hollywood actresses are all gigantic bitches? Naah!
This just in: 5 hours after Castro announced he was not running for President of Cuba again, CNN broke into their usual reporting to give us the BREAKING NEWS that Castro wasn’t running for President of Cuba again. Has the media lost all concept of “breaking news” and “this just in”?
This just in: Napolean was defeated at Waterloo, film after the break.
When the shuttle landed the other day, Fox puppetheads called it “Historic”. Why? Because it didn’t blow up?
By the way, carbs are now good for you, so eat all you want, as long as its cold carbs. Butter is still bad, but so is the fake butter stuff, and bacon gives you cancer.
Bravo on shooting down the spy satellite. Thanks for the footage too or else we wouldn’t have believed it. On second thought, how do we know that was the satellite... how do you know a missile was actually shot up into space. That did sorta look like a clip from a movie, now didn’t it. Hmmmm.
The question of the week is “Can Obama deliver on his message?” Um, why limit it to just Obama. History has shown that no candidate has EVER made good on his campaign promises, so why are we now asking about it after all these years?
Sharper Image and Lillian Vernon going bankrupt. Guess I won’t be able to flounce around in my old lady clothes while snorting Ionic Breeze fumes.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
The New York Times Five Years Too Late
I'm laughing at the hoopla caused by the "timely" New York Times "expose" that is all of... five years old regarding John McCain. Did it honestly take them that long to get the story "right" what with all of their un-named sources and details about what happened FIVE YEARS AGO. I almost wanted to ask if Dan Rather had joined the writers at the Times, as this story was about as pathetic as that smear thing he did on President Bush.
I'm a registered Democrat (this year) and I honestly have to say that I don't like John McCain, I respect him, respect the service he performed for our country during his military tours, the sacrifices he made for his country, but I just don't like him. Even though I don't like him, and won't vote for him in this election, I still have to throw the bullshit flag on that Times story. I mean, come on they really had to be reaching deep for any kind of muck on this guy and unfortunately those who should have been in charge didn't have the nads to stop it from being printed. Apparently some people had enough pride to quit outright over its printing (kudos for you, go find a nice reporting job for a local paper NOT in New York and find out what life is really like outside of that state and realize why we really hate New York media).
What's next from this "respected" newspaper. Here's what I predict:
I'm a registered Democrat (this year) and I honestly have to say that I don't like John McCain, I respect him, respect the service he performed for our country during his military tours, the sacrifices he made for his country, but I just don't like him. Even though I don't like him, and won't vote for him in this election, I still have to throw the bullshit flag on that Times story. I mean, come on they really had to be reaching deep for any kind of muck on this guy and unfortunately those who should have been in charge didn't have the nads to stop it from being printed. Apparently some people had enough pride to quit outright over its printing (kudos for you, go find a nice reporting job for a local paper NOT in New York and find out what life is really like outside of that state and realize why we really hate New York media).
What's next from this "respected" newspaper. Here's what I predict:
Monday, February 18, 2008
"there's nothing the military can do to make the outcome worse."
Is anyone else screaming in fear over this quote?
Yes, that’s NASA Administrator Michael Griffin’s opinion of the Navy shooting down a wayward, and quickly falling, potentially dangerous, could kill a lot of people, spy satellite.
Let us all back up a bit to last week, when the Government announced that a spy satellite was falling to the earth... no big deal, don’t worry about it, stuff falls from space all the time.
Then it was: Ok, so there’s some toxic liquid on this particular bus-sized spy satellite that is hurtling its way to the earth and we’re not quite sure where its gonna land, but don’t worry, that toxic liquid stuff will more than likely just burn up in the atmosphere when it comes down, no biggie, everything is fine.
Now its: Ok, so the Navy is going to try shooting the satellite down because that liquid on it... well, its sorta really poisonous and we’re afraid that it’ll kill everyone in a region the size of two football fields, although we’re not quite sure where that region is, since we have absolutely no control over where it lands, so we’ll shoot it down and be done with it.
That’s where we are now, with Mr. Griffin’s quote: “...there’s nothing the military can do to make the outcome worse.” Which begs the question: “What do you mean... worse?”
Coming from a military background, and coming from a contractor background, and coming from a tv and movie viewing background, I can assure you that things can get a WHOLE lot worse.
Scenario 1: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the rocket malfunctions and explodes in China, who then shoots off their missiles at us, full scale war, and the stupid satellite falls harmlessly into the ocean.
Scenario 2: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, it hits the satellite and explodes it... causes its toxic payload to spread throughout the entire atmosphere and kills everyone on the earth except cockroaches.
Scenario 3: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite is stronger than first thought, the rocket ricochets and hits the space station, which then falls and squishes all of Nebraska. Nebraska declares war on the U.S.
Scenario 4: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite explodes and everything seems ok until the toxic fumes from the explosion and fuel cause humans to mutate into giant mosquito-people (hey, its happened once already, haven’t you seen Mansquito?).
Yeah, so there you go Mr. Smartypants NASA guy, there are at least 4 scenarios where the Navy can make the outcome worse. Oh, here’s one more actually:
Scenario 5: The Navy tries twice and can’t hit the broadside of a barn, the stupid thing falls harmlessly into the ocean, but we are now the laughing stock of all nations, a government inquiry takes places and all government contractors are recognized as the worthless leeches that they are, they are all fired and nothing gets done because the government has relied so much on contractors for years that nobody knows how to even make coffee, and Canada easily defeats us in a war where no bullets are fired because a contractor had the key to the armory and didn’t give it back.
Well, at least we’d finally get free healthcare... eh?
Yes, that’s NASA Administrator Michael Griffin’s opinion of the Navy shooting down a wayward, and quickly falling, potentially dangerous, could kill a lot of people, spy satellite.
Let us all back up a bit to last week, when the Government announced that a spy satellite was falling to the earth... no big deal, don’t worry about it, stuff falls from space all the time.
Then it was: Ok, so there’s some toxic liquid on this particular bus-sized spy satellite that is hurtling its way to the earth and we’re not quite sure where its gonna land, but don’t worry, that toxic liquid stuff will more than likely just burn up in the atmosphere when it comes down, no biggie, everything is fine.
Now its: Ok, so the Navy is going to try shooting the satellite down because that liquid on it... well, its sorta really poisonous and we’re afraid that it’ll kill everyone in a region the size of two football fields, although we’re not quite sure where that region is, since we have absolutely no control over where it lands, so we’ll shoot it down and be done with it.
That’s where we are now, with Mr. Griffin’s quote: “...there’s nothing the military can do to make the outcome worse.” Which begs the question: “What do you mean... worse?”
Coming from a military background, and coming from a contractor background, and coming from a tv and movie viewing background, I can assure you that things can get a WHOLE lot worse.
Scenario 1: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the rocket malfunctions and explodes in China, who then shoots off their missiles at us, full scale war, and the stupid satellite falls harmlessly into the ocean.
Scenario 2: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, it hits the satellite and explodes it... causes its toxic payload to spread throughout the entire atmosphere and kills everyone on the earth except cockroaches.
Scenario 3: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite is stronger than first thought, the rocket ricochets and hits the space station, which then falls and squishes all of Nebraska. Nebraska declares war on the U.S.
Scenario 4: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite explodes and everything seems ok until the toxic fumes from the explosion and fuel cause humans to mutate into giant mosquito-people (hey, its happened once already, haven’t you seen Mansquito?).
Yeah, so there you go Mr. Smartypants NASA guy, there are at least 4 scenarios where the Navy can make the outcome worse. Oh, here’s one more actually:
Scenario 5: The Navy tries twice and can’t hit the broadside of a barn, the stupid thing falls harmlessly into the ocean, but we are now the laughing stock of all nations, a government inquiry takes places and all government contractors are recognized as the worthless leeches that they are, they are all fired and nothing gets done because the government has relied so much on contractors for years that nobody knows how to even make coffee, and Canada easily defeats us in a war where no bullets are fired because a contractor had the key to the armory and didn’t give it back.
Well, at least we’d finally get free healthcare... eh?
Sunday, February 17, 2008
How To Wash A Bra
Ok, you’ve got to be kidding me, but someone actually did a WikiHow on how to wash a bra, complete with pictures.
I had to check it out, after all it was a link on my google home page and I was bored. Perhaps all these years I’ve been washing my bras wrong, so I figured that I needed to find out the “right” way. I mean there must be more to it than taking bra off, tossing bra into washing machine, taking wet clean bra out of washing machine and throw into dryer. Untangle bra from other items, toss now clean bra into drawer.
Sure enough, the writer of this “how to” suggests all sorts of preparation before the bra even goes into the washer, and even a special bag to put the bra into! Wow, the pictures are very informational and educational too. What cracked me up was the whole inference that if you didn’t have a lingerie bag to put your bras into, then you were forbidden or somewhat insane to actually wash them with other items just by themselves, all free and wild. How many people wasted an entire washer load on just one or two bras for a lack of lingerie bag? Of course they suggest that a pillow case will do in a pinch.
I’ve only had ONE unfortunate bra incident where my favorite green bra became trapped in my mother’s crappy dryer which happened to be falling apart. Lucky for her, the bra died a horrible death so that she could dry her clothes without having a green bra flopping around stuck in the door for the rest of the dryer’s life.
Of course, this doesn’t compare at all to the common sense approach of “How to Dry Pantyhose in a hurry” instructions. This set of instructions assumes that everyone in the world is in possession of a salad spinner.
Not that spinning your pantyhose in the salad spinner is insane enough, the instructions continue by saying: “Hang over towel rack and dry with a hair dryer - warm to cool heat. This should take no more than 5 minutes. Clean your teeth and do your hair at the same time.” Call me silly, but one hand on the hair dryer, the other hand brushing your teeth leaves you with not enough hands to do your hair. I frankly don’t know how nasty a set of pantyhose can get where you couldn’t put them on dirty in a pinch... unless you crapped in them, or course.
I would assume that the Wiki people would at least try to weed out those that had no common sense from posting “how to” guides, but apparently not. Well, I have to go run out and get a damn salad spinner in case I ever need to quickly dry my pantyhose and while I’m there, I’ll get me some lingerie bags to wash my thousands of bras.
I had to check it out, after all it was a link on my google home page and I was bored. Perhaps all these years I’ve been washing my bras wrong, so I figured that I needed to find out the “right” way. I mean there must be more to it than taking bra off, tossing bra into washing machine, taking wet clean bra out of washing machine and throw into dryer. Untangle bra from other items, toss now clean bra into drawer.
Sure enough, the writer of this “how to” suggests all sorts of preparation before the bra even goes into the washer, and even a special bag to put the bra into! Wow, the pictures are very informational and educational too. What cracked me up was the whole inference that if you didn’t have a lingerie bag to put your bras into, then you were forbidden or somewhat insane to actually wash them with other items just by themselves, all free and wild. How many people wasted an entire washer load on just one or two bras for a lack of lingerie bag? Of course they suggest that a pillow case will do in a pinch.
I’ve only had ONE unfortunate bra incident where my favorite green bra became trapped in my mother’s crappy dryer which happened to be falling apart. Lucky for her, the bra died a horrible death so that she could dry her clothes without having a green bra flopping around stuck in the door for the rest of the dryer’s life.
Of course, this doesn’t compare at all to the common sense approach of “How to Dry Pantyhose in a hurry” instructions. This set of instructions assumes that everyone in the world is in possession of a salad spinner.
Not that spinning your pantyhose in the salad spinner is insane enough, the instructions continue by saying: “Hang over towel rack and dry with a hair dryer - warm to cool heat. This should take no more than 5 minutes. Clean your teeth and do your hair at the same time.” Call me silly, but one hand on the hair dryer, the other hand brushing your teeth leaves you with not enough hands to do your hair. I frankly don’t know how nasty a set of pantyhose can get where you couldn’t put them on dirty in a pinch... unless you crapped in them, or course.
I would assume that the Wiki people would at least try to weed out those that had no common sense from posting “how to” guides, but apparently not. Well, I have to go run out and get a damn salad spinner in case I ever need to quickly dry my pantyhose and while I’m there, I’ll get me some lingerie bags to wash my thousands of bras.
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