What with the insane amount of news today, and I was much too busy mowing my lawn, I decided to give just a blurb on some of the more “stunning” headlines of the day. Be advised, I didn’t actually READ the whole story, but I’ll give you my opinion on what is going on just based on the headlines. I’ll provide links to the story in case you want to read the real thing:
White House: Syria reactor not for ‘peaceful’ purposes. Duh. Ok, a secret nuclear reactor in Syria, that was destroyed a while ago, wasn’t going to be used for home heating. Apparently those wily North Koreans were in on it, not quite sure how they know that, but hey, they also said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, so what do I know. I frankly don’t care about Syria. Being geographically challenged, I don’t even know where it is. I was too busy standing in line at Costco waiting for my rice ration.
Snipes gets the max - 3 years - in tax case. This just goes to show all of us that the IRS will reach out its bony skeleton-like hand and rip your money from you no matter what, so its just much easier to empty your pockets and send everything to them, rather than have them come get it. They get a tad bit cranky if they have to come get it, and you don’t want the IRS to be cranky.
Sect challenges legality of search warrant, raid Ok, this one also deserves a huge DUH. I don’t know if I’m on record or not as having said that the phone call didn’t come from inside the cult-like satanic heavily armed woman and children prison (those aren’t my words, just words that various and sundry dispassionate “media” types have described the situation), I had guessed it came from a bitter, pissed off former member out to get the cult. Little did I know it would be some whacko in Colorado with a record of doing this type of thing.
Humans nearly wiped out 70,000 years ago, study says. I actually did read this one because I wanted to know why we nearly became extinct, and funny thing: it was a horrible drought! Really? You mean the earth wasn’t the exact same way it is now 70,000 years ago? You mean there was drought and ice ages, and strange weather phenomena? It must have been all of those cars and coal burning factories 70,000 years ago that caused it.
Speaking rice, there really is no shortage, I’m guessing that since we can’t afford to drive our cars, everyone will think that the only food we can afford is rice, so they’re raising the prices and limiting what we can buy. Why do I suddenly feel like I live in a third world country?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
General Observations
McCain has started his “Time for Action” tour. Um, wasn’t he just doing his “Biography” tour? Does he really need names for his tour? I’m thinking the “Whoring for votes” tour would be a more honest description.
Apparently they’re going to build an amusement park in Iraq, which will stop all terrorist activity. Apparently whoever thought of that hasn’t tried to use the women’s room at a Six Flags during a hot, crowded day.
Clinton still wants to debate Obama, making that the 23rd debate of this election process. The main topic: Paper vs Plastic.
Homeland Security is a bit pissed that the media is reporting that their $22 billion dollar “Virtual Fence” doesn’t work. A Homeland Security spokesperson corrected them, saying that the “Virtual Fence” is a prototype and still needs tweaking. Their next step is to contract with the makers of the “Invisible Fence” system, but they’re waiting on Congress to approve the purchase of enough electronic collars for every Mexican citizen.
Apparently they’re going to build an amusement park in Iraq, which will stop all terrorist activity. Apparently whoever thought of that hasn’t tried to use the women’s room at a Six Flags during a hot, crowded day.
Clinton still wants to debate Obama, making that the 23rd debate of this election process. The main topic: Paper vs Plastic.
Homeland Security is a bit pissed that the media is reporting that their $22 billion dollar “Virtual Fence” doesn’t work. A Homeland Security spokesperson corrected them, saying that the “Virtual Fence” is a prototype and still needs tweaking. Their next step is to contract with the makers of the “Invisible Fence” system, but they’re waiting on Congress to approve the purchase of enough electronic collars for every Mexican citizen.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Things That Pissed Me Off Today
Forget about the rights of these people and the fact that they’re taking away all of their children, lets talk about their clothing.
As if the media isn’t getting enough money from their advertisers, and really, aren’t reporters suppose to be detached and actually just REPORT the news, not cash in on other people’s misfortunes?
Bill Clinton’s little snit about the “Race Card” remark. Scroll to the bottom to see the videos. His response to the reporter is a bit... snarky, doncha think?
A discussion about what will happen when Obama ends up winning the popular vote (as there is no way for Clinton to win it, no matter how many states there are left) and the reaction if the “superdelegates” vote her into the primary:
Disappointment?
Pandemonium?
McCain voted in out of spite?
How about mass chaos and rioting?
"I want the Iranians to know that if I'm the president, we will attack Iran," Clinton said. "In the next 10 years, during which they might foolishly consider launching an attack on Israel, we would be able to totally obliterate them."
In the next TEN years? Obliterate them? Everyone in Iran? Even the children? Innocent people? Really? Is that what you call “using diplomacy”?
Clinton supporter suggests that Obama is afraid of debating Ms. Clinton with Katie Couric as the moderator. Gee, another debate. After that last pathetic one where “issues” like sniping tv advertising and who was friends with who was beat harder than a dead horse, perhaps we could have looked forward to more WWE smack-down commercials in between finger pointing and accusations. PUHLEEZE! Thankfully there won’t be a 23rd debate. They should have stopped at TWO.
As if the media isn’t getting enough money from their advertisers, and really, aren’t reporters suppose to be detached and actually just REPORT the news, not cash in on other people’s misfortunes?
Bill Clinton’s little snit about the “Race Card” remark. Scroll to the bottom to see the videos. His response to the reporter is a bit... snarky, doncha think?
A discussion about what will happen when Obama ends up winning the popular vote (as there is no way for Clinton to win it, no matter how many states there are left) and the reaction if the “superdelegates” vote her into the primary:
Disappointment?
Pandemonium?
McCain voted in out of spite?
How about mass chaos and rioting?
"I want the Iranians to know that if I'm the president, we will attack Iran," Clinton said. "In the next 10 years, during which they might foolishly consider launching an attack on Israel, we would be able to totally obliterate them."
In the next TEN years? Obliterate them? Everyone in Iran? Even the children? Innocent people? Really? Is that what you call “using diplomacy”?
Clinton supporter suggests that Obama is afraid of debating Ms. Clinton with Katie Couric as the moderator. Gee, another debate. After that last pathetic one where “issues” like sniping tv advertising and who was friends with who was beat harder than a dead horse, perhaps we could have looked forward to more WWE smack-down commercials in between finger pointing and accusations. PUHLEEZE! Thankfully there won’t be a 23rd debate. They should have stopped at TWO.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Senior Complex Raided
Shady Treeside Senior Living Facility, MD - Acting on an anonymous tip about child abuse, the Shady Treeside Senior Living Facility was raided yesterday.
Despite the apparent lack of children living at the facility, police officials armed with sniper rifles and tanks rolled into the assisted living facility to serve a warrant based on a phone call from a reported minor named Nunya Bidness that residents were abusing children in the complex. Ms. Bidness stated that residents were involved in a plot to torture and abuse children by denying them the most basic of resources and forcing them to participate in ritualistic games.
Residents were rounded up with the assistance of local ambulances and taken to a shelter where the men were separated from the women. Officials remained at the complex to search for the abused children, using the tank to demolish homes in search of hiding places and tunnels.
The cult apparently met every Wednesday in a large temple-like complex where little balls were spun in a cage and random letter number combinations were called out. A specialist in demonic cults and child abuse speculated that the residents were using this method to assign the members with children and the type of torture they would endure. It was speculated that a hospital bed in the complex was surely used to have sex with these children.
Mrs. Claudia St. John, 81, one of the women taken in the raid appeared confused when reporters surrounded her and demanded answers to the charges. Ms. St. John repeatedly denied any allegations of child torture at the cult’s complex, and grew agitated when reporters questioned her about the simple white shirt with pleats, brown skirt, and sensible shoes she wore. Ms. Sylvia Branson, author of the book “I’ve Never Been in a Cult, but I’ve Read About Them” and paid consultant to the local police department stated that Ms. St. John’s reaction to the questioning most likely stemmed from being taught to distrust local authorities, and to lie when approached to hide the cult’s vile secrets of satanic rituals and child sacrifices.
Other members, when asked why the community was gated, insisted it was to keep out non-residents and “unsavory” elements, leading police to believe that the cult was also producing illegal drugs.
It was recently revealed that Ms. Bidness was actually a 16 year old boy whose grandfather lived at the heavily armed and gated assisted living cult. Bitter over the lack of internet connection at the complex, Ms. Bidness made the call so he could play World of Warcraft, an educational game that teaches youngsters how to work well with others and be productive, instead of visit his relatives.
The cult members are being held at the local jail until the entire complex is leveled, and ground penetrating radar studies are performed to locate the dungeons and torture chambers.
Despite the apparent lack of children living at the facility, police officials armed with sniper rifles and tanks rolled into the assisted living facility to serve a warrant based on a phone call from a reported minor named Nunya Bidness that residents were abusing children in the complex. Ms. Bidness stated that residents were involved in a plot to torture and abuse children by denying them the most basic of resources and forcing them to participate in ritualistic games.
Residents were rounded up with the assistance of local ambulances and taken to a shelter where the men were separated from the women. Officials remained at the complex to search for the abused children, using the tank to demolish homes in search of hiding places and tunnels.
The cult apparently met every Wednesday in a large temple-like complex where little balls were spun in a cage and random letter number combinations were called out. A specialist in demonic cults and child abuse speculated that the residents were using this method to assign the members with children and the type of torture they would endure. It was speculated that a hospital bed in the complex was surely used to have sex with these children.
Mrs. Claudia St. John, 81, one of the women taken in the raid appeared confused when reporters surrounded her and demanded answers to the charges. Ms. St. John repeatedly denied any allegations of child torture at the cult’s complex, and grew agitated when reporters questioned her about the simple white shirt with pleats, brown skirt, and sensible shoes she wore. Ms. Sylvia Branson, author of the book “I’ve Never Been in a Cult, but I’ve Read About Them” and paid consultant to the local police department stated that Ms. St. John’s reaction to the questioning most likely stemmed from being taught to distrust local authorities, and to lie when approached to hide the cult’s vile secrets of satanic rituals and child sacrifices.
Other members, when asked why the community was gated, insisted it was to keep out non-residents and “unsavory” elements, leading police to believe that the cult was also producing illegal drugs.
It was recently revealed that Ms. Bidness was actually a 16 year old boy whose grandfather lived at the heavily armed and gated assisted living cult. Bitter over the lack of internet connection at the complex, Ms. Bidness made the call so he could play World of Warcraft, an educational game that teaches youngsters how to work well with others and be productive, instead of visit his relatives.
The cult members are being held at the local jail until the entire complex is leveled, and ground penetrating radar studies are performed to locate the dungeons and torture chambers.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Cha Ching (the sound of more of our rights being stolen from us)
Its allergy season, and my allergies are a’ raging. So I go to the local CVS down the road and look for some Zyrtec-D. I have Zyrtec, but I’m so stuffed up I can’t even breathe so I need something to unstuff me.
I recently blogged about the fact that Zyrtec is now much easier to purchase since it went Over The Counter (OTC) meaning I don’t need a prescription for it. Of course, this ease now requires me to pay three times what I use to pay for it. I searched the pharmacy aisle for it and found a little note that said that I have to get the Zyrtec-D at the front counter. Hmm. That’s odd.
What I failed to take into consideration is that the Zyrtec-D contains a nifty little ingredient called pseudoephedrine, which is one of the ingredients used to make Meth. In order to keep people from buying it by the case and dumping it into their bathtubs (along with other vile and disgusting things) and making Meth, most states require that anything containing pseudoephedrine be kept under lock and key and doled out by employees of the pharmacy.
Ok, this seems a bit silly, because if this drug is that potent that it can be used to make an addictive and dangerous drug, shouldn’t be doled out by prescription only? Wouldn’t that solve a lot of the problems with illegal drugs?
Oh, but that wouldn’t make getting it “easy” for those of us with REAL allergies that need the medication. Silly me, I would never consider asking my doctor for a prescription for something that I needed in order to breathe, that would be complicated and difficult. Once again, the bad people do something, and to keep bad people from doing bad, they make new rules and laws that hinder and rip away the rights of law abiding good people. Go figure.
So, I wait in line and when its my turn, I ask the 16 year old girl wearing multiple piercings, tattoos, and hair dyed with green streaks for a pack of Zyrtec-D. Its good to know that such a dangerous drug is being guarded by professionals. She asks for my driver’s license. Um, ok, sure, I’m assuming she’s just checking to make sure that I’m old enough to purchase it, because all meth makers are underage or don’t have driver’s licenses. Oh no, she actually SCANS the barcode on the back of my license. I’m stunned. First of all, what information is on that barcode of my license? Why is she scanning it? Where does that information go? What agency? How secure is their computer system? What happens if someone misuses that information? Why on earth do they even NEED that information?
I’m then required to electronically sign a statement saying that I’ll be personally swallowing this medication myself, I won’t sell it, and I won’t dump it into a bathtub with other chemicals and sell the residue to Meth addicts for profit.
I left there feeling somewhat soiled and guilty, all because I woke up this morning and couldn’t breathe without making a funny noise through my nose.
As I drove home I couldn’t help but kick myself for not grabbing back my license, insisting they purge all information from their computers and take their Zyrtec-d and shove it... well, you get the idea. Now I’m wondering what sort of database I’m on, will I be immediately pulled over by the police and arrested for driving under the influence of Zyrtec-d? Will someone contact my employer to let them know that I’m taking Zyrtec-d? If I try to buy more Zrytec-D before this dose runs out, will SWAT teams break into my house and inspect my bathtub?
Curious, I went home and looked up pseudoephedrine and Maryland on Google, and why, sure enough, a law was passed that requires any store selling anything with pseudoephedrine to safeguard it behind the counter, dole it out one at a time, obtain certain information from the purchaser and have them sign a statement that they will only use it for legal means. Of course there was nothing on there about what recourse I would have as a consumer if CVS sells my information, misuses my information, loses my information, or uses my information for means other than just recording that I have allergies and needed a decongestant.
Its bad enough that store cards are marketed as “ways to get stuff on sale without the use of coupons” actually track everything that you buy and send you coupons for “things you may want on your next purchase”. Dear Ms. Smith: we noticed that on your last shopping trip you purchased some sanitary napkins. Our database has determined that your next menstrual cycle is approaching, so please enjoy these coupons for some New Stay Tight maxi pads, which we feel will fit your body shape better than the last brand that you purchased, and for your particular flow.
I had a sick dog and needed some bland food, so I purchased some baby food for her. A week later I started getting coupons from the store for diapers and more baby food. The I received an announcement flyer stating that I was automatically enrolled in their baby program. I don’t have a baby, I told them, take me off your baby program. They told me they couldn’t. Everything was autogenerated from their massive brainiac computer and stuff was sent out whether you wanted it or not, whether it applied to you or not. I pointed out that Mr. Al Gore would have brain matter spewing out over the fact that companies were killing trees to print out coupons for things that people didn’t want or need, then spewing toxic fuel fumes by having those coupons delivered to my house. They didn’t care. I still get the stuff, and I toss it in with the regular garbage, not the recyclables because if they don’t care, why should I.
You are being tracked, every minute, every second of the day. From navigation systems, to credit cards, to mobile phones, to decongestants, they are watching you... and you’ve done nothing wrong, but they sure do make you feel like you have.
I recently blogged about the fact that Zyrtec is now much easier to purchase since it went Over The Counter (OTC) meaning I don’t need a prescription for it. Of course, this ease now requires me to pay three times what I use to pay for it. I searched the pharmacy aisle for it and found a little note that said that I have to get the Zyrtec-D at the front counter. Hmm. That’s odd.
What I failed to take into consideration is that the Zyrtec-D contains a nifty little ingredient called pseudoephedrine, which is one of the ingredients used to make Meth. In order to keep people from buying it by the case and dumping it into their bathtubs (along with other vile and disgusting things) and making Meth, most states require that anything containing pseudoephedrine be kept under lock and key and doled out by employees of the pharmacy.
Ok, this seems a bit silly, because if this drug is that potent that it can be used to make an addictive and dangerous drug, shouldn’t be doled out by prescription only? Wouldn’t that solve a lot of the problems with illegal drugs?
Oh, but that wouldn’t make getting it “easy” for those of us with REAL allergies that need the medication. Silly me, I would never consider asking my doctor for a prescription for something that I needed in order to breathe, that would be complicated and difficult. Once again, the bad people do something, and to keep bad people from doing bad, they make new rules and laws that hinder and rip away the rights of law abiding good people. Go figure.
So, I wait in line and when its my turn, I ask the 16 year old girl wearing multiple piercings, tattoos, and hair dyed with green streaks for a pack of Zyrtec-D. Its good to know that such a dangerous drug is being guarded by professionals. She asks for my driver’s license. Um, ok, sure, I’m assuming she’s just checking to make sure that I’m old enough to purchase it, because all meth makers are underage or don’t have driver’s licenses. Oh no, she actually SCANS the barcode on the back of my license. I’m stunned. First of all, what information is on that barcode of my license? Why is she scanning it? Where does that information go? What agency? How secure is their computer system? What happens if someone misuses that information? Why on earth do they even NEED that information?
I’m then required to electronically sign a statement saying that I’ll be personally swallowing this medication myself, I won’t sell it, and I won’t dump it into a bathtub with other chemicals and sell the residue to Meth addicts for profit.
I left there feeling somewhat soiled and guilty, all because I woke up this morning and couldn’t breathe without making a funny noise through my nose.
As I drove home I couldn’t help but kick myself for not grabbing back my license, insisting they purge all information from their computers and take their Zyrtec-d and shove it... well, you get the idea. Now I’m wondering what sort of database I’m on, will I be immediately pulled over by the police and arrested for driving under the influence of Zyrtec-d? Will someone contact my employer to let them know that I’m taking Zyrtec-d? If I try to buy more Zrytec-D before this dose runs out, will SWAT teams break into my house and inspect my bathtub?
Curious, I went home and looked up pseudoephedrine and Maryland on Google, and why, sure enough, a law was passed that requires any store selling anything with pseudoephedrine to safeguard it behind the counter, dole it out one at a time, obtain certain information from the purchaser and have them sign a statement that they will only use it for legal means. Of course there was nothing on there about what recourse I would have as a consumer if CVS sells my information, misuses my information, loses my information, or uses my information for means other than just recording that I have allergies and needed a decongestant.
Its bad enough that store cards are marketed as “ways to get stuff on sale without the use of coupons” actually track everything that you buy and send you coupons for “things you may want on your next purchase”. Dear Ms. Smith: we noticed that on your last shopping trip you purchased some sanitary napkins. Our database has determined that your next menstrual cycle is approaching, so please enjoy these coupons for some New Stay Tight maxi pads, which we feel will fit your body shape better than the last brand that you purchased, and for your particular flow.
I had a sick dog and needed some bland food, so I purchased some baby food for her. A week later I started getting coupons from the store for diapers and more baby food. The I received an announcement flyer stating that I was automatically enrolled in their baby program. I don’t have a baby, I told them, take me off your baby program. They told me they couldn’t. Everything was autogenerated from their massive brainiac computer and stuff was sent out whether you wanted it or not, whether it applied to you or not. I pointed out that Mr. Al Gore would have brain matter spewing out over the fact that companies were killing trees to print out coupons for things that people didn’t want or need, then spewing toxic fuel fumes by having those coupons delivered to my house. They didn’t care. I still get the stuff, and I toss it in with the regular garbage, not the recyclables because if they don’t care, why should I.
You are being tracked, every minute, every second of the day. From navigation systems, to credit cards, to mobile phones, to decongestants, they are watching you... and you’ve done nothing wrong, but they sure do make you feel like you have.
Friday, April 18, 2008
I Misspoke
One of the more enjoyable aspects of this heated political race is learning how to deal with the public, and how you can turn any lie into something more benign and innocent. That truly is a gift and one that I hope to use in my next writing gig interview:
Interviewer: So, tell me about some of the things that you’ve written.
Me: I wrote the Bible.
Interviewer: Um, excuse me?
Me: Yep, wrote the whole thing.
Interviewer: The Bible? You wrote the Bible?
Me: Yep, it was pretty hard actually, I distinctly recall that mid-way into the whole thing I ran out of paper. Office Depot was closed, but luckily there was a Walmart that was open 24 hours a day so I was able to score some paper there and finished it ahead of my deadline.
Interviewer: Um, you didn’t write the Bible.
Me: Oh... I’m sorry, I misspoke. I was up late last night watching YouTube videos and chatting, so I’m a bit tired. You are absolutely right, I didn’t write the Bible, but I did read some of it.
Interviewer: Oh, ok, yeah, I can see how lack of sleep would make you a bit confused about that, so when can you start?
See how easy that is! If it works for them, it surely can work for me.
Interviewer: So, tell me about some of the things that you’ve written.
Me: I wrote the Bible.
Interviewer: Um, excuse me?
Me: Yep, wrote the whole thing.
Interviewer: The Bible? You wrote the Bible?
Me: Yep, it was pretty hard actually, I distinctly recall that mid-way into the whole thing I ran out of paper. Office Depot was closed, but luckily there was a Walmart that was open 24 hours a day so I was able to score some paper there and finished it ahead of my deadline.
Interviewer: Um, you didn’t write the Bible.
Me: Oh... I’m sorry, I misspoke. I was up late last night watching YouTube videos and chatting, so I’m a bit tired. You are absolutely right, I didn’t write the Bible, but I did read some of it.
Interviewer: Oh, ok, yeah, I can see how lack of sleep would make you a bit confused about that, so when can you start?
See how easy that is! If it works for them, it surely can work for me.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Separation of Church and State
We can't have our children saying the pledge of allegiance at school because it evokes the name of God
We can't have that on our money either, are you kidding me?
Um... wait a minute....
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Yes, I'm Bitter
I’m really scratching my head about the latest hoopla about Obama saying that people are bitter. Um, yep, I’m bitter. He nailed that one on the head. Not only am I bitter, but I’m angry, frustrated, pissed off, and generally cranky about our government, the stupid restrictive laws they pass, the fact that most of my paycheck is eaten away by taxes and a social security program that won’t be available when I need it, their spending money left and right on things I don’t believe in nor do I want to pay for with the taxes they drain from my paycheck, the fact that reports come out every day about the frivolous spending, waste, and abuse of my tax money, and their trying to take my guns away from me, give my tax money to ILLEGAL immigrants by giving them the same benefits (HA, what would those be) that I pay into the tax system for, and YOU BETCH YOUR ASS I’M BITTER!!!!!
So, Mr. Obama doesn’t have to apologize for saying that I’m bitter, because I am, and if you go around telling people that I should be offended, then frankly you are so delusional and too rich to freakin realize that people are bitter, fed up, tired of jobs going overseas, tired of China sending us poison in our foods and in our pet foods, tired of spinning in my gerbil wheel day in and day out and not being able to get ahead because I work twice as hard to bring in a decent wage only to see it go toward more taxes, gas, higher prices on food and everything else, and being told where I can and can’t do things.
Politicians are suppose to be PUBLIC SERVANTS and yet they get cheap medical benefits, bloated retirement plans, ludicrous salaries, perks like jets when they want to fly around, pretty much everything that I don’t get. You sit on your thrones and tell us to eat cake and how wonderful you are and how great america is and yet thousands are losing homes because of mismanagement and corrupt businesses, thousands are losing their retirements because we’re forced to put into 401Ks that are based on these corrupt businesses that pay their CEOs bloated salaries and money for leaving once they’ve drained the company and the 401k funds dry.
You and the MEDIA are the ones running what the issues are, not the people. Nobody speaks to the people, the media hires high priced “experts” to give them their opinion of what WE THE PEOPLE care about, but nobody has called me up and said “hey, what do you care about?” Nope, not ever.
Bitter... that barely scratches the surface of how I feel about how “MY” government is run and about this high school-like campaign. Good lord, is this a federal election or a spat on Myspace?
Stop pointing fingers, nit picking words and start telling me how you’re going to fix this crappy mess we call a government without spending the rest of my paycheck.
In the words of Howard Beale...
So, Mr. Obama doesn’t have to apologize for saying that I’m bitter, because I am, and if you go around telling people that I should be offended, then frankly you are so delusional and too rich to freakin realize that people are bitter, fed up, tired of jobs going overseas, tired of China sending us poison in our foods and in our pet foods, tired of spinning in my gerbil wheel day in and day out and not being able to get ahead because I work twice as hard to bring in a decent wage only to see it go toward more taxes, gas, higher prices on food and everything else, and being told where I can and can’t do things.
Politicians are suppose to be PUBLIC SERVANTS and yet they get cheap medical benefits, bloated retirement plans, ludicrous salaries, perks like jets when they want to fly around, pretty much everything that I don’t get. You sit on your thrones and tell us to eat cake and how wonderful you are and how great america is and yet thousands are losing homes because of mismanagement and corrupt businesses, thousands are losing their retirements because we’re forced to put into 401Ks that are based on these corrupt businesses that pay their CEOs bloated salaries and money for leaving once they’ve drained the company and the 401k funds dry.
You and the MEDIA are the ones running what the issues are, not the people. Nobody speaks to the people, the media hires high priced “experts” to give them their opinion of what WE THE PEOPLE care about, but nobody has called me up and said “hey, what do you care about?” Nope, not ever.
Bitter... that barely scratches the surface of how I feel about how “MY” government is run and about this high school-like campaign. Good lord, is this a federal election or a spat on Myspace?
Stop pointing fingers, nit picking words and start telling me how you’re going to fix this crappy mess we call a government without spending the rest of my paycheck.
In the words of Howard Beale...
Friday, April 11, 2008
Rental Families
A friend of mine is in the process of getting a divorce. An 11 year marriage that resulted in three children, she was devastated (especially when she found out he was leaving by text message), she’ coping rather well by finding a cool younger guy to sow her wild oats with. In the meantime, her soon to be ex-husband has found an older professional woman. In her 40’s, she travels for business a lot, wants a family, but doesn’t want to give up her career, or freedom, or money to actually bear children of her own. So, what better way to have one’s cake and eat it to than hooking up with a divorced father.
It makes me wonder if this is becoming (or currently is already) a trend in the world. You hear of professional women pursuing their careers and forsaking the baby experience because they want to succeed in their jobs, then hit their late 40’s or 50’s and yearn to have a child. Some go the artificial insemination route and raise the kids by themselves, but how many out there have found that they can have kids without the stretch marks, responsibility or financial burden by simply marrying or just dating into a pre-made family. Its like part-time parenting. You get them for certain days, then give them back. You only take them when its convenient and you can dump them off just as they are getting annoying or having issues.
Even though, in most cases, the mother gets most of the custody of the children, the father is usually in the mix somewhere and has to take them on weekends or holidays or some such arrangement. Well, not to stereotype a gender, but men usually don’t do most of the child rearing, but they are really good and trying to assuage their guilt at leaving the kids through bribery, so the kids make out pretty good on the toy end, and having a new girlfriend/wife that wants kids, but not the burden of actually HAVING them means that the fathers can sit in front of the tv us usual while new partner gets her fix of kids, then send them back. Very convenient situation.
What with all the hoopla over who can and can’t get married, the expense and pain of divorcing, I wonder if it would be more convenient just to abolish this whole stupid marriage thing. Go forth, have kids if you want, share them with others, whatever.
Oh wait, that seems a bit too much like the whole polygamy thing now doesn’t it. Speaking of which (and what a horrible transition that was) has anyone noticed that the Texas polygamy thing went from a religion, to a sect and is now a bone fide cult at the moment? Thanks to the newscasters who are truly reaching into depths of great fiction to “speculate” on everything going on there without having any facts to report on.
Remember: bed in a temple means dirty old men raping underage girls. You heard it first on CNN, who was then quoted by FOX, who was then quoted by MSNBC so that means its true.
Thus ends my ramble
It makes me wonder if this is becoming (or currently is already) a trend in the world. You hear of professional women pursuing their careers and forsaking the baby experience because they want to succeed in their jobs, then hit their late 40’s or 50’s and yearn to have a child. Some go the artificial insemination route and raise the kids by themselves, but how many out there have found that they can have kids without the stretch marks, responsibility or financial burden by simply marrying or just dating into a pre-made family. Its like part-time parenting. You get them for certain days, then give them back. You only take them when its convenient and you can dump them off just as they are getting annoying or having issues.
Even though, in most cases, the mother gets most of the custody of the children, the father is usually in the mix somewhere and has to take them on weekends or holidays or some such arrangement. Well, not to stereotype a gender, but men usually don’t do most of the child rearing, but they are really good and trying to assuage their guilt at leaving the kids through bribery, so the kids make out pretty good on the toy end, and having a new girlfriend/wife that wants kids, but not the burden of actually HAVING them means that the fathers can sit in front of the tv us usual while new partner gets her fix of kids, then send them back. Very convenient situation.
What with all the hoopla over who can and can’t get married, the expense and pain of divorcing, I wonder if it would be more convenient just to abolish this whole stupid marriage thing. Go forth, have kids if you want, share them with others, whatever.
Oh wait, that seems a bit too much like the whole polygamy thing now doesn’t it. Speaking of which (and what a horrible transition that was) has anyone noticed that the Texas polygamy thing went from a religion, to a sect and is now a bone fide cult at the moment? Thanks to the newscasters who are truly reaching into depths of great fiction to “speculate” on everything going on there without having any facts to report on.
Remember: bed in a temple means dirty old men raping underage girls. You heard it first on CNN, who was then quoted by FOX, who was then quoted by MSNBC so that means its true.
Thus ends my ramble
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
I have a Purchase Card, so I can still spend
Oh gee, what a shock that the Government Accountability Office (GAO) has come out AGAIN to report the abuse of Government Purchase Cards. Everything from iPods to escort services, to lingerie used in jungle training (hmm) was reported this year by the regulatory body.
This story seems a tad bit familiar to me, I vaguely recall... why yes, a Google search done shows this very same abuse going on since 1999, and each time there is screaming and gnashing of teeth to stop this abuse, control the spending and... nothing is done until the next year when the report comes out.
Sure, the major abusers are charged and some made to repay the amounts they spent, but what about the nearly 2 MILLION dollars worth of items that can’t be accounted for?
Yes, this abuse must stop, but why hasn’t it? Every year since 1999 this unbridled spending spree has occurred, outrage expressed, and nothing done about it. That money comes from you and I. If your husband, wife, daughter, son, family member was using your credit card to spend money on frivolous and unauthorized items, wouldn’t you do something about that? Would you shake your finger at them and say “stop that” and let them keep those cards? I don’t think so, and yet your Uncle Sam allows it irresponsible family members to continue spending money willy nilly and getting away with it.
Talk about fiscal responsibility, perhaps if out government would better control its employees and stopped all of this waste, fraud, and theft, we (the taxpayers) wouldn’t have to pay $13,500 for their employees to have a nice meal at a steakhouse. Why wasn’t I invited?
So, everyone, lets pound our fists on our desks and scream THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, then get distracted by a tv for another year until we get to do it again.
This story seems a tad bit familiar to me, I vaguely recall... why yes, a Google search done shows this very same abuse going on since 1999, and each time there is screaming and gnashing of teeth to stop this abuse, control the spending and... nothing is done until the next year when the report comes out.
Sure, the major abusers are charged and some made to repay the amounts they spent, but what about the nearly 2 MILLION dollars worth of items that can’t be accounted for?
Yes, this abuse must stop, but why hasn’t it? Every year since 1999 this unbridled spending spree has occurred, outrage expressed, and nothing done about it. That money comes from you and I. If your husband, wife, daughter, son, family member was using your credit card to spend money on frivolous and unauthorized items, wouldn’t you do something about that? Would you shake your finger at them and say “stop that” and let them keep those cards? I don’t think so, and yet your Uncle Sam allows it irresponsible family members to continue spending money willy nilly and getting away with it.
Talk about fiscal responsibility, perhaps if out government would better control its employees and stopped all of this waste, fraud, and theft, we (the taxpayers) wouldn’t have to pay $13,500 for their employees to have a nice meal at a steakhouse. Why wasn’t I invited?
So, everyone, lets pound our fists on our desks and scream THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, then get distracted by a tv for another year until we get to do it again.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Saturday, April 05, 2008
How Much?
I’m sitting in front of the computer and my stomach is growling. I could go upstairs and get something to snack on.
I’m blessed with a house (house payment), we refinanced and had enough brains not to sign one of the more unsavory loans that are causing thousands of people to become homeless.
We both have steady jobs, although the latest news says that 80,000 people lost their jobs and thanks for the whole mortgage fiasco, more will most likely lose their jobs soon. We’re both contractors, so when the pork gets cut it will most likely be our bacon falling into the unemployment line along with all of the finance people.
Gas prices are soaring, cutting even deeper into empty pockets, causing prices for food, clothing, and other items to increase to pay for transportation of those items into local stores.
Some say we’re in a recession, some say we’re on the way to a recession, and some claim we’re in a depression but the American people don’t care what you call it, we call it uncomfortable, unsettling, and downright scary. Not knowing if you’ll have a job next week, not knowing how you’ll pay for your house if you lose your job, not knowing where you’ll live if you lose your house. Stop bickering about what to call it and try to figure out how to fix it WITHOUT using everyone’s tax dollars to bail out companies or create new programs that won’t work.
So here we are, the little people, the ones that truly know what its like to scrimp and live from paycheck to paycheck. Good, hard working, honest people in trouble and needing a leader that knows how it feels to be teetering on the edge of despair.
Hillary is now proposing a cabinet position called “Poverty Czar” (please note, those are her words, straight from her campaign web site) who will be (direct quote) “... a cabinet level position that will be solely and fully devoted to ending poverty as we know it in America.” REALLY! So all this time, all the government had to do was create this position and nobody in America would be poor? Sounds insanely easy, lets get going on that, lets create a position of Czar (AKA: Emperor, which is a position title you normal hear of in a democratic society such as ours... or not) and let this Emperor/Czar lift this nation out of poverty without the use of any tax dollars (which come from us poverty people).
Actually, the best way to solve poverty in the United States is to ensure that all Americans get the same benefits and pay that our “public servants” get in their jobs. Check out their cushy salary and benefits plan. Must be nice!
How many of you have jobs where you can take off weeks at a time to fly around in a jet and campaign for another job? Well, that’s what McCain, Clinton, and Obama are doing. While receiving pay to do their Senate gig, they are taking off time to campaign in every state in the Nation. How many of you get that in your current job? Hey boss, I’ll be out of the office for a few weeks, I’m going to fly around the nation and see if I can’t get another job somewhere else. Just keep direct depositing my salary, and thanks.
So, the next time you hear your candidate saying “I feel your pain, I know what you are going through”, check this little tidbit out.
$109 MILLION
I want to feel their pain.
I’m blessed with a house (house payment), we refinanced and had enough brains not to sign one of the more unsavory loans that are causing thousands of people to become homeless.
We both have steady jobs, although the latest news says that 80,000 people lost their jobs and thanks for the whole mortgage fiasco, more will most likely lose their jobs soon. We’re both contractors, so when the pork gets cut it will most likely be our bacon falling into the unemployment line along with all of the finance people.
Gas prices are soaring, cutting even deeper into empty pockets, causing prices for food, clothing, and other items to increase to pay for transportation of those items into local stores.
Some say we’re in a recession, some say we’re on the way to a recession, and some claim we’re in a depression but the American people don’t care what you call it, we call it uncomfortable, unsettling, and downright scary. Not knowing if you’ll have a job next week, not knowing how you’ll pay for your house if you lose your job, not knowing where you’ll live if you lose your house. Stop bickering about what to call it and try to figure out how to fix it WITHOUT using everyone’s tax dollars to bail out companies or create new programs that won’t work.
So here we are, the little people, the ones that truly know what its like to scrimp and live from paycheck to paycheck. Good, hard working, honest people in trouble and needing a leader that knows how it feels to be teetering on the edge of despair.
Hillary is now proposing a cabinet position called “Poverty Czar” (please note, those are her words, straight from her campaign web site) who will be (direct quote) “... a cabinet level position that will be solely and fully devoted to ending poverty as we know it in America.” REALLY! So all this time, all the government had to do was create this position and nobody in America would be poor? Sounds insanely easy, lets get going on that, lets create a position of Czar (AKA: Emperor, which is a position title you normal hear of in a democratic society such as ours... or not) and let this Emperor/Czar lift this nation out of poverty without the use of any tax dollars (which come from us poverty people).
Actually, the best way to solve poverty in the United States is to ensure that all Americans get the same benefits and pay that our “public servants” get in their jobs. Check out their cushy salary and benefits plan. Must be nice!
How many of you have jobs where you can take off weeks at a time to fly around in a jet and campaign for another job? Well, that’s what McCain, Clinton, and Obama are doing. While receiving pay to do their Senate gig, they are taking off time to campaign in every state in the Nation. How many of you get that in your current job? Hey boss, I’ll be out of the office for a few weeks, I’m going to fly around the nation and see if I can’t get another job somewhere else. Just keep direct depositing my salary, and thanks.
So, the next time you hear your candidate saying “I feel your pain, I know what you are going through”, check this little tidbit out.
$109 MILLION
I want to feel their pain.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Cell Phone Vs. Smoking
It comes as no surprise to me that a claim has been made that cell phones are more dangerous than smoking.
Why isn't this a surprise to me? Well, because I have half of a brain and can figure these things out.
You may recall the witch hunt of cigarette smoking. Cigarettes were evil, the people that make them are evil, the people that smoke them are evil, and the ones that smoke them causes all of the non-smokers to pay a gazillion dollars in health care benefits because of the burden passed on by these heartless bastards that smoke. Smokers were literally draining the life blood and life savings of the innocents. Not only that, but they were causing the innocents to get sick from their vile and disgusting second hand smoke.
Laws were passed to stop smoking in public places, some even passed laws that kept people from smoking in their own homes, and tobacco companies were sued left and right with gazillion dollar payouts to the "victims" of smoking.
The media crowed this victory over smoking and predicted that cancer rates and medical insurance rates would surely plummet and everyone will be healthy and happy once again! We won the war of smoking and cancer.
Um, wait a minute. People are still getting cancers, and people are still draining the health care industry, and ... well, we need to blame someone. We can't just have a disease that randomly hits people and makes them sick or makes them die! We can't have something we can't fight, cure, or figure out what is really causing it. We can't go on in this life thinking that even if we eat our vegetables, exercise, get enough sleep, we could still contract a horrible wasting disease with no cure!
WAIT! Cell phones! Yes, it must be that since people are stillg etting sick and cancers that it must be cell phones. I mean how else would small kids and people who never smoked could get cancer. We blamed it on those foul second hand smoke emitters, but now that we can eat in a McDonalds without noxious fumes blowing in our faces (and remember, you officially could get cancer from second hand smoke, but you can't get high from second hand marijuana smoke, go figure that one out), the only rational and cost effective reason would be cell phones.
Just about everyone has a cell phone, everyone uses them, and the cell phone industry has a lot of cash. BRILLIANT! Lets blame something that we'll eventually find out is either a huge concoction of environmental factors, or just the luck of the gene draw on something else lucrative to lawyers.
Watch out everyone! Take it from a closet smoker, the time will come where you won't be able to use your cell phone any more, won't be able to have one actually. They'll start whittling away your rights and perhaps you'll be forced to only use your cell phone outside. Soon you won't be able to use it in a food place, or in public even. Those death rays from your cell phone could irradiate the small child in your car, so don't use your cell in the car when children are present. Sound familiar? Yep, it is, but for those of you that can't remember last month, let alone last year, or five years ago will not recognize the fear mongering that is used to get money, and create a bunch of scared lemmings that just swallow every word the media or government throws at you.
Why isn't this a surprise to me? Well, because I have half of a brain and can figure these things out.
You may recall the witch hunt of cigarette smoking. Cigarettes were evil, the people that make them are evil, the people that smoke them are evil, and the ones that smoke them causes all of the non-smokers to pay a gazillion dollars in health care benefits because of the burden passed on by these heartless bastards that smoke. Smokers were literally draining the life blood and life savings of the innocents. Not only that, but they were causing the innocents to get sick from their vile and disgusting second hand smoke.
Laws were passed to stop smoking in public places, some even passed laws that kept people from smoking in their own homes, and tobacco companies were sued left and right with gazillion dollar payouts to the "victims" of smoking.
The media crowed this victory over smoking and predicted that cancer rates and medical insurance rates would surely plummet and everyone will be healthy and happy once again! We won the war of smoking and cancer.
Um, wait a minute. People are still getting cancers, and people are still draining the health care industry, and ... well, we need to blame someone. We can't just have a disease that randomly hits people and makes them sick or makes them die! We can't have something we can't fight, cure, or figure out what is really causing it. We can't go on in this life thinking that even if we eat our vegetables, exercise, get enough sleep, we could still contract a horrible wasting disease with no cure!
WAIT! Cell phones! Yes, it must be that since people are stillg etting sick and cancers that it must be cell phones. I mean how else would small kids and people who never smoked could get cancer. We blamed it on those foul second hand smoke emitters, but now that we can eat in a McDonalds without noxious fumes blowing in our faces (and remember, you officially could get cancer from second hand smoke, but you can't get high from second hand marijuana smoke, go figure that one out), the only rational and cost effective reason would be cell phones.
Just about everyone has a cell phone, everyone uses them, and the cell phone industry has a lot of cash. BRILLIANT! Lets blame something that we'll eventually find out is either a huge concoction of environmental factors, or just the luck of the gene draw on something else lucrative to lawyers.
Watch out everyone! Take it from a closet smoker, the time will come where you won't be able to use your cell phone any more, won't be able to have one actually. They'll start whittling away your rights and perhaps you'll be forced to only use your cell phone outside. Soon you won't be able to use it in a food place, or in public even. Those death rays from your cell phone could irradiate the small child in your car, so don't use your cell in the car when children are present. Sound familiar? Yep, it is, but for those of you that can't remember last month, let alone last year, or five years ago will not recognize the fear mongering that is used to get money, and create a bunch of scared lemmings that just swallow every word the media or government throws at you.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Thanks, That's Much Easier
I have allergies. I never had allergies until I moved to the state of Maryland, where apparently allergies are the state past time.
When Benadryl stopped working, along with the myriad of other over the counter (OTC) medications, I asked my doctor who dumped a handful of Zyrtec samples into my bag and told me to let her know how those worked. I took it, it worked, I told her, she wrote me a prescription for it. I got 30 pills (a month’s worth) for a $10 co-pay. When those ran out, I called her and she had another load of them waiting for a mere $10 co-pay.
The other day spring had sprung along with my allergies so I was about to call her up and ask for another prescription when a commercial caught my eye. What’s this? Zyrtec is now OTC. GREAT NEWS, the commercial screamed, NOW ITS EASIER TO GET RELIEF!
Sure, it was such a huge burden to call my doctor and ask for a refill, then shlep over to the pharmacy to pick it up. Thanks money grubbing pharmaceutical company for making my allergy suffering less burdensome by eliminating a phone call. Now I can just walk into the store and get it, thanks.
Um, wait a minute! I checked out the various and sundry bottles of OTC zyrtec. I could pay $6.00 for 3 pills, or I could pay $15.00 for 14 pills, or I could pay $31.00 for 28 pills. You don’t need to be a math genius to figure out that the elimination of a phone call to my doctor is now costing me over $30 for the same amount that I got for $10.
Stupid, greedy pharmaceutical whores! I’m sure I’m paying for the PRETTY packaging as the pills that I bought came in individual little hermetically sealed packets. Why? I don’t know, just shove them all in a stupid bottle and then I only have to wrestle once with opening the lid, peeling off that worthless tinfoil seal, fish the cotton ball out of there and pop one in my mouth. No, now I have to rip the blister pack, which won’t rip right, which means I have to get out the scissors and try to cut around the little pill without cutting the pill and now my blood pressure is so high I’ll probably end up on some other medication that will also go OTC.
When Benadryl stopped working, along with the myriad of other over the counter (OTC) medications, I asked my doctor who dumped a handful of Zyrtec samples into my bag and told me to let her know how those worked. I took it, it worked, I told her, she wrote me a prescription for it. I got 30 pills (a month’s worth) for a $10 co-pay. When those ran out, I called her and she had another load of them waiting for a mere $10 co-pay.
The other day spring had sprung along with my allergies so I was about to call her up and ask for another prescription when a commercial caught my eye. What’s this? Zyrtec is now OTC. GREAT NEWS, the commercial screamed, NOW ITS EASIER TO GET RELIEF!
Sure, it was such a huge burden to call my doctor and ask for a refill, then shlep over to the pharmacy to pick it up. Thanks money grubbing pharmaceutical company for making my allergy suffering less burdensome by eliminating a phone call. Now I can just walk into the store and get it, thanks.
Um, wait a minute! I checked out the various and sundry bottles of OTC zyrtec. I could pay $6.00 for 3 pills, or I could pay $15.00 for 14 pills, or I could pay $31.00 for 28 pills. You don’t need to be a math genius to figure out that the elimination of a phone call to my doctor is now costing me over $30 for the same amount that I got for $10.
Stupid, greedy pharmaceutical whores! I’m sure I’m paying for the PRETTY packaging as the pills that I bought came in individual little hermetically sealed packets. Why? I don’t know, just shove them all in a stupid bottle and then I only have to wrestle once with opening the lid, peeling off that worthless tinfoil seal, fish the cotton ball out of there and pop one in my mouth. No, now I have to rip the blister pack, which won’t rip right, which means I have to get out the scissors and try to cut around the little pill without cutting the pill and now my blood pressure is so high I’ll probably end up on some other medication that will also go OTC.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Cell Phones = infertility
A recent study suggested that men who use cell phones face the risk of infertility. Apparently the more the man uses the phone, the more sperm are killed by the evil cell phone rays.
Since there has also been a rise in the cost of birth control, and some incidents where birth control isn't being made available to low income individuals, who apparently are low income but can still afford a cell phone, we've developed a new dual purpose cell phone holder/fertility buster solution:
Since there has also been a rise in the cost of birth control, and some incidents where birth control isn't being made available to low income individuals, who apparently are low income but can still afford a cell phone, we've developed a new dual purpose cell phone holder/fertility buster solution:
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Separated at Birth?
Has anyone noticed that Democratic Analyst and pundit Susan Estrich is a clone of Carol Channing?
Carol Channing:
Susan Estrich:
Scary, isn't it?
Carol Channing:
Susan Estrich:
Scary, isn't it?
Thursday, March 13, 2008
The News of the World
Ok, so what's been happening in the news of the world lately?
Well, if you watch any of the major media outlets, the only news lately is:
New York Governor spends gazillions on whores.
How does the resigning New York Governor who spent gazillions on whores affect the presidential race.
Wait a minute... nothing else happened in the whole entire world but this governor and whore business?
Oh, yes, of course, that's because all of the U.S. media outlets see the world like this:
Yep, as far as the major news outlets are concerned, New York is the ONLY important state there is in the whole world. Everything important happens in New York, and the rest of the U.S. is just... well, morons and not newsworthy.
Ok, back to the former governor that spent gazillions on whores, I'm really loving all of the airplay this "Kristen" is getting. I now know more about her than I do about my own mother. I've gotten to listen to her "rap" song, I know she was abused and moved around a lot, and I know she charged $4,000 and insisted that a rubber be used. WAAAAY too much information for someone that is nobody.
My most favorite quote from her is "I'm not a monster"... no, you're a whore and frankly I hope you sue me once you've made your book and movie deals and become horrendously and for no good reason rich beyond your 15 minutes of fame so I can say that I'm being sued by the whore that boned the pompous Governor of New York. I, unlike you, don't live in a swanky New York apartment that I can't afford and have no prospects of ever becoming as "famous" as you for the fleeting time you'll have fame and then delve into the wonderful world of reality tv shows on MTV or (heaven forbid) VH1.
Enjoy yourself "Kristen" its not going to last very long because the real people on Non-New York are already tired of hearing about it, and those media elitists are already getting weary of it as well.
Well, if you watch any of the major media outlets, the only news lately is:
New York Governor spends gazillions on whores.
How does the resigning New York Governor who spent gazillions on whores affect the presidential race.
Wait a minute... nothing else happened in the whole entire world but this governor and whore business?
Oh, yes, of course, that's because all of the U.S. media outlets see the world like this:
Yep, as far as the major news outlets are concerned, New York is the ONLY important state there is in the whole world. Everything important happens in New York, and the rest of the U.S. is just... well, morons and not newsworthy.
Ok, back to the former governor that spent gazillions on whores, I'm really loving all of the airplay this "Kristen" is getting. I now know more about her than I do about my own mother. I've gotten to listen to her "rap" song, I know she was abused and moved around a lot, and I know she charged $4,000 and insisted that a rubber be used. WAAAAY too much information for someone that is nobody.
My most favorite quote from her is "I'm not a monster"... no, you're a whore and frankly I hope you sue me once you've made your book and movie deals and become horrendously and for no good reason rich beyond your 15 minutes of fame so I can say that I'm being sued by the whore that boned the pompous Governor of New York. I, unlike you, don't live in a swanky New York apartment that I can't afford and have no prospects of ever becoming as "famous" as you for the fleeting time you'll have fame and then delve into the wonderful world of reality tv shows on MTV or (heaven forbid) VH1.
Enjoy yourself "Kristen" its not going to last very long because the real people on Non-New York are already tired of hearing about it, and those media elitists are already getting weary of it as well.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Got a headache? Drink some water
So, a report has come out that says that testing has revealed a regular pharmacy is perking right in our water system. Everything from pain relievers to sex drugs are ending up in our water thanks to our filtration systems.
Sure, those systems filter out the nastiest of the nasties, but they weren’t made to filter out the myriad of drugs we take in our lives and then pee into our very drinking water.
Ok, I’m not stupid, I KNOW where are drinking water comes from. I’m not silly to believe that a pristine waterfall of crystal clear water flows straight into my communities water tap, I do know that all sorts of ick is processed at the water filtration department, and that certain filters are applied to ensure that our drinking water isn’t entirely nasty (well, except the water in San Angelo, Texas did taste and smell like it came straight from a swimming pool), but I really don’t need the media showing a graphic that pretty much shows a cartoon toilet with a pipe going to water faucet. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more going on between the toilet and my water tap... at least I hope so.
All these years I’ve yelled at the dogs for drinking straight out of the toilet, perhaps I’ve been wrong. maybe I need to go apologize to my dogs. All these years they’ve been actually getting the good stuff and I’ve been drinking the pee of some old lady taking hormones.
I do wish that my neighbors would all take some better drugs though. Instead of sex hormones or aspirin, perhaps we can all get together for some nice Oxycotin or something that would make going to work a bit more bearable. Next time I have to take a piss test and pop for something strange, I’m blaming the water.
Sure, those systems filter out the nastiest of the nasties, but they weren’t made to filter out the myriad of drugs we take in our lives and then pee into our very drinking water.
Ok, I’m not stupid, I KNOW where are drinking water comes from. I’m not silly to believe that a pristine waterfall of crystal clear water flows straight into my communities water tap, I do know that all sorts of ick is processed at the water filtration department, and that certain filters are applied to ensure that our drinking water isn’t entirely nasty (well, except the water in San Angelo, Texas did taste and smell like it came straight from a swimming pool), but I really don’t need the media showing a graphic that pretty much shows a cartoon toilet with a pipe going to water faucet. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more going on between the toilet and my water tap... at least I hope so.
All these years I’ve yelled at the dogs for drinking straight out of the toilet, perhaps I’ve been wrong. maybe I need to go apologize to my dogs. All these years they’ve been actually getting the good stuff and I’ve been drinking the pee of some old lady taking hormones.
I do wish that my neighbors would all take some better drugs though. Instead of sex hormones or aspirin, perhaps we can all get together for some nice Oxycotin or something that would make going to work a bit more bearable. Next time I have to take a piss test and pop for something strange, I’m blaming the water.
Friday, March 07, 2008
The World Is Insane
Instead of ranting, tonight I direct you to another blog, where someone else has pointed out, with pictures, just how insane the world is.
Land of the free? I don’t think so.
Land of the free? I don’t think so.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
What's all the Hoopla About?
Ok, so apparently there is some kind of hoopla involved with a picture of Obama dressed in Somolia clothing that was taken while he was visiting there for some government thing.In case you managed to miss this picture and the hoopla, I've linked it for your viewing enjoyment.
Ok, its a pretty silly looking outfit, but hey, I know that our government officials have to put up with some strange customs while visiting foreign nations, its called "DIPLOMACY". I'm not quite sure what emotions we're suppose to feel by seeing this picture, other than its sorta silly looking, but no sillier than seeing our current President doing the chicken dance in Africa recently.
Apparently the hoopla is coming from the Clinton camp, and they seem to be offended by the fact that here's Obama in this silly outfit and its not getting any press, but if Hillary were dressed up in something silly, it would be splashed all over the news and people would be making fun of her. Granted, if she were dressed in anything other than a subdued pants suit, we'd be shocked and talking (hey, Hillary, want some press, how about a pair of jeans, perhaps a tank top... ever hear of a thing called a dress?)
So, the Clinton camp is mad because Hillary isn't getting any press about wearing stupid things.
Ok, that's a bit odd, but if that's what they want, then here is my artist representation of Hillary Clinton dressed as a squirrel. Now, I'm not saying she is a squirrel, nor has she ever dressed as a squirrel (to my knowledge) its just that I'm too lazy to google around and see if there are any pictures of her wearing something zany or crazy (other than a wacky colored pants suit), so this is what I imagine she would look like if she were to wear a squirrel costume.There, I hope the Clinton campaign staff is happy now.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Another Weekly Rant Wrap Up
A teacher has come forward to say that he was illiterate, cheated his way through high school and college, then lied and taught your children for 17 years, not knowing whether or not THEY could read when they graduated, but points the finger of blame at everyone but himself.
He knows how to read now, and has written several books and gets paid big bucks to go around and talk about how the system failed him. Gee, seems like he failed the system, and those 17 years of children he “taught”.
Castro says he’s not running for President anymore. Fox news has a live camera showing Little Havana’s response... or lack thereof actually. President Bush says that “We will help the Cuban people realize the blessing of liberty...” Um, so they’ll get to experience high taxes, controversial and corrupt elections, bloated government spending, corruption in the government, and the government spying on its own citizens, just like the U.S.?
Now that all smokers have been banned and locked into prison cells, banished from smoking in any covered building or within 500 miles of any covered building for that fact, we don’t have anyone to pick on. OH! Ok, from now on, we’re going to ban the obese from going into restaurants because people don’t make themselves fat, restaurants do, so we’re saving the fat people from fried foods.
A Showbiz Special Report documented why Hollywood actors dating hot women stars usually botched up those relationships (Think Devine Brown), and the reason for this, according to the report: Its the man’s fault. Here’s one not covered: The Hollywood actresses are all gigantic bitches? Naah!
This just in: 5 hours after Castro announced he was not running for President of Cuba again, CNN broke into their usual reporting to give us the BREAKING NEWS that Castro wasn’t running for President of Cuba again. Has the media lost all concept of “breaking news” and “this just in”?
This just in: Napolean was defeated at Waterloo, film after the break.
When the shuttle landed the other day, Fox puppetheads called it “Historic”. Why? Because it didn’t blow up?
By the way, carbs are now good for you, so eat all you want, as long as its cold carbs. Butter is still bad, but so is the fake butter stuff, and bacon gives you cancer.
Bravo on shooting down the spy satellite. Thanks for the footage too or else we wouldn’t have believed it. On second thought, how do we know that was the satellite... how do you know a missile was actually shot up into space. That did sorta look like a clip from a movie, now didn’t it. Hmmmm.
The question of the week is “Can Obama deliver on his message?” Um, why limit it to just Obama. History has shown that no candidate has EVER made good on his campaign promises, so why are we now asking about it after all these years?
Sharper Image and Lillian Vernon going bankrupt. Guess I won’t be able to flounce around in my old lady clothes while snorting Ionic Breeze fumes.
He knows how to read now, and has written several books and gets paid big bucks to go around and talk about how the system failed him. Gee, seems like he failed the system, and those 17 years of children he “taught”.
Castro says he’s not running for President anymore. Fox news has a live camera showing Little Havana’s response... or lack thereof actually. President Bush says that “We will help the Cuban people realize the blessing of liberty...” Um, so they’ll get to experience high taxes, controversial and corrupt elections, bloated government spending, corruption in the government, and the government spying on its own citizens, just like the U.S.?
Now that all smokers have been banned and locked into prison cells, banished from smoking in any covered building or within 500 miles of any covered building for that fact, we don’t have anyone to pick on. OH! Ok, from now on, we’re going to ban the obese from going into restaurants because people don’t make themselves fat, restaurants do, so we’re saving the fat people from fried foods.
A Showbiz Special Report documented why Hollywood actors dating hot women stars usually botched up those relationships (Think Devine Brown), and the reason for this, according to the report: Its the man’s fault. Here’s one not covered: The Hollywood actresses are all gigantic bitches? Naah!
This just in: 5 hours after Castro announced he was not running for President of Cuba again, CNN broke into their usual reporting to give us the BREAKING NEWS that Castro wasn’t running for President of Cuba again. Has the media lost all concept of “breaking news” and “this just in”?
This just in: Napolean was defeated at Waterloo, film after the break.
When the shuttle landed the other day, Fox puppetheads called it “Historic”. Why? Because it didn’t blow up?
By the way, carbs are now good for you, so eat all you want, as long as its cold carbs. Butter is still bad, but so is the fake butter stuff, and bacon gives you cancer.
Bravo on shooting down the spy satellite. Thanks for the footage too or else we wouldn’t have believed it. On second thought, how do we know that was the satellite... how do you know a missile was actually shot up into space. That did sorta look like a clip from a movie, now didn’t it. Hmmmm.
The question of the week is “Can Obama deliver on his message?” Um, why limit it to just Obama. History has shown that no candidate has EVER made good on his campaign promises, so why are we now asking about it after all these years?
Sharper Image and Lillian Vernon going bankrupt. Guess I won’t be able to flounce around in my old lady clothes while snorting Ionic Breeze fumes.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
The New York Times Five Years Too Late
I'm laughing at the hoopla caused by the "timely" New York Times "expose" that is all of... five years old regarding John McCain. Did it honestly take them that long to get the story "right" what with all of their un-named sources and details about what happened FIVE YEARS AGO. I almost wanted to ask if Dan Rather had joined the writers at the Times, as this story was about as pathetic as that smear thing he did on President Bush.
I'm a registered Democrat (this year) and I honestly have to say that I don't like John McCain, I respect him, respect the service he performed for our country during his military tours, the sacrifices he made for his country, but I just don't like him. Even though I don't like him, and won't vote for him in this election, I still have to throw the bullshit flag on that Times story. I mean, come on they really had to be reaching deep for any kind of muck on this guy and unfortunately those who should have been in charge didn't have the nads to stop it from being printed. Apparently some people had enough pride to quit outright over its printing (kudos for you, go find a nice reporting job for a local paper NOT in New York and find out what life is really like outside of that state and realize why we really hate New York media).
What's next from this "respected" newspaper. Here's what I predict:
I'm a registered Democrat (this year) and I honestly have to say that I don't like John McCain, I respect him, respect the service he performed for our country during his military tours, the sacrifices he made for his country, but I just don't like him. Even though I don't like him, and won't vote for him in this election, I still have to throw the bullshit flag on that Times story. I mean, come on they really had to be reaching deep for any kind of muck on this guy and unfortunately those who should have been in charge didn't have the nads to stop it from being printed. Apparently some people had enough pride to quit outright over its printing (kudos for you, go find a nice reporting job for a local paper NOT in New York and find out what life is really like outside of that state and realize why we really hate New York media).
What's next from this "respected" newspaper. Here's what I predict:
Monday, February 18, 2008
"there's nothing the military can do to make the outcome worse."
Is anyone else screaming in fear over this quote?
Yes, that’s NASA Administrator Michael Griffin’s opinion of the Navy shooting down a wayward, and quickly falling, potentially dangerous, could kill a lot of people, spy satellite.
Let us all back up a bit to last week, when the Government announced that a spy satellite was falling to the earth... no big deal, don’t worry about it, stuff falls from space all the time.
Then it was: Ok, so there’s some toxic liquid on this particular bus-sized spy satellite that is hurtling its way to the earth and we’re not quite sure where its gonna land, but don’t worry, that toxic liquid stuff will more than likely just burn up in the atmosphere when it comes down, no biggie, everything is fine.
Now its: Ok, so the Navy is going to try shooting the satellite down because that liquid on it... well, its sorta really poisonous and we’re afraid that it’ll kill everyone in a region the size of two football fields, although we’re not quite sure where that region is, since we have absolutely no control over where it lands, so we’ll shoot it down and be done with it.
That’s where we are now, with Mr. Griffin’s quote: “...there’s nothing the military can do to make the outcome worse.” Which begs the question: “What do you mean... worse?”
Coming from a military background, and coming from a contractor background, and coming from a tv and movie viewing background, I can assure you that things can get a WHOLE lot worse.
Scenario 1: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the rocket malfunctions and explodes in China, who then shoots off their missiles at us, full scale war, and the stupid satellite falls harmlessly into the ocean.
Scenario 2: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, it hits the satellite and explodes it... causes its toxic payload to spread throughout the entire atmosphere and kills everyone on the earth except cockroaches.
Scenario 3: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite is stronger than first thought, the rocket ricochets and hits the space station, which then falls and squishes all of Nebraska. Nebraska declares war on the U.S.
Scenario 4: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite explodes and everything seems ok until the toxic fumes from the explosion and fuel cause humans to mutate into giant mosquito-people (hey, its happened once already, haven’t you seen Mansquito?).
Yeah, so there you go Mr. Smartypants NASA guy, there are at least 4 scenarios where the Navy can make the outcome worse. Oh, here’s one more actually:
Scenario 5: The Navy tries twice and can’t hit the broadside of a barn, the stupid thing falls harmlessly into the ocean, but we are now the laughing stock of all nations, a government inquiry takes places and all government contractors are recognized as the worthless leeches that they are, they are all fired and nothing gets done because the government has relied so much on contractors for years that nobody knows how to even make coffee, and Canada easily defeats us in a war where no bullets are fired because a contractor had the key to the armory and didn’t give it back.
Well, at least we’d finally get free healthcare... eh?
Yes, that’s NASA Administrator Michael Griffin’s opinion of the Navy shooting down a wayward, and quickly falling, potentially dangerous, could kill a lot of people, spy satellite.
Let us all back up a bit to last week, when the Government announced that a spy satellite was falling to the earth... no big deal, don’t worry about it, stuff falls from space all the time.
Then it was: Ok, so there’s some toxic liquid on this particular bus-sized spy satellite that is hurtling its way to the earth and we’re not quite sure where its gonna land, but don’t worry, that toxic liquid stuff will more than likely just burn up in the atmosphere when it comes down, no biggie, everything is fine.
Now its: Ok, so the Navy is going to try shooting the satellite down because that liquid on it... well, its sorta really poisonous and we’re afraid that it’ll kill everyone in a region the size of two football fields, although we’re not quite sure where that region is, since we have absolutely no control over where it lands, so we’ll shoot it down and be done with it.
That’s where we are now, with Mr. Griffin’s quote: “...there’s nothing the military can do to make the outcome worse.” Which begs the question: “What do you mean... worse?”
Coming from a military background, and coming from a contractor background, and coming from a tv and movie viewing background, I can assure you that things can get a WHOLE lot worse.
Scenario 1: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the rocket malfunctions and explodes in China, who then shoots off their missiles at us, full scale war, and the stupid satellite falls harmlessly into the ocean.
Scenario 2: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, it hits the satellite and explodes it... causes its toxic payload to spread throughout the entire atmosphere and kills everyone on the earth except cockroaches.
Scenario 3: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite is stronger than first thought, the rocket ricochets and hits the space station, which then falls and squishes all of Nebraska. Nebraska declares war on the U.S.
Scenario 4: The Navy shoots the rocket into space, the satellite explodes and everything seems ok until the toxic fumes from the explosion and fuel cause humans to mutate into giant mosquito-people (hey, its happened once already, haven’t you seen Mansquito?).
Yeah, so there you go Mr. Smartypants NASA guy, there are at least 4 scenarios where the Navy can make the outcome worse. Oh, here’s one more actually:
Scenario 5: The Navy tries twice and can’t hit the broadside of a barn, the stupid thing falls harmlessly into the ocean, but we are now the laughing stock of all nations, a government inquiry takes places and all government contractors are recognized as the worthless leeches that they are, they are all fired and nothing gets done because the government has relied so much on contractors for years that nobody knows how to even make coffee, and Canada easily defeats us in a war where no bullets are fired because a contractor had the key to the armory and didn’t give it back.
Well, at least we’d finally get free healthcare... eh?
Sunday, February 17, 2008
How To Wash A Bra
Ok, you’ve got to be kidding me, but someone actually did a WikiHow on how to wash a bra, complete with pictures.
I had to check it out, after all it was a link on my google home page and I was bored. Perhaps all these years I’ve been washing my bras wrong, so I figured that I needed to find out the “right” way. I mean there must be more to it than taking bra off, tossing bra into washing machine, taking wet clean bra out of washing machine and throw into dryer. Untangle bra from other items, toss now clean bra into drawer.
Sure enough, the writer of this “how to” suggests all sorts of preparation before the bra even goes into the washer, and even a special bag to put the bra into! Wow, the pictures are very informational and educational too. What cracked me up was the whole inference that if you didn’t have a lingerie bag to put your bras into, then you were forbidden or somewhat insane to actually wash them with other items just by themselves, all free and wild. How many people wasted an entire washer load on just one or two bras for a lack of lingerie bag? Of course they suggest that a pillow case will do in a pinch.
I’ve only had ONE unfortunate bra incident where my favorite green bra became trapped in my mother’s crappy dryer which happened to be falling apart. Lucky for her, the bra died a horrible death so that she could dry her clothes without having a green bra flopping around stuck in the door for the rest of the dryer’s life.
Of course, this doesn’t compare at all to the common sense approach of “How to Dry Pantyhose in a hurry” instructions. This set of instructions assumes that everyone in the world is in possession of a salad spinner.
Not that spinning your pantyhose in the salad spinner is insane enough, the instructions continue by saying: “Hang over towel rack and dry with a hair dryer - warm to cool heat. This should take no more than 5 minutes. Clean your teeth and do your hair at the same time.” Call me silly, but one hand on the hair dryer, the other hand brushing your teeth leaves you with not enough hands to do your hair. I frankly don’t know how nasty a set of pantyhose can get where you couldn’t put them on dirty in a pinch... unless you crapped in them, or course.
I would assume that the Wiki people would at least try to weed out those that had no common sense from posting “how to” guides, but apparently not. Well, I have to go run out and get a damn salad spinner in case I ever need to quickly dry my pantyhose and while I’m there, I’ll get me some lingerie bags to wash my thousands of bras.
I had to check it out, after all it was a link on my google home page and I was bored. Perhaps all these years I’ve been washing my bras wrong, so I figured that I needed to find out the “right” way. I mean there must be more to it than taking bra off, tossing bra into washing machine, taking wet clean bra out of washing machine and throw into dryer. Untangle bra from other items, toss now clean bra into drawer.
Sure enough, the writer of this “how to” suggests all sorts of preparation before the bra even goes into the washer, and even a special bag to put the bra into! Wow, the pictures are very informational and educational too. What cracked me up was the whole inference that if you didn’t have a lingerie bag to put your bras into, then you were forbidden or somewhat insane to actually wash them with other items just by themselves, all free and wild. How many people wasted an entire washer load on just one or two bras for a lack of lingerie bag? Of course they suggest that a pillow case will do in a pinch.
I’ve only had ONE unfortunate bra incident where my favorite green bra became trapped in my mother’s crappy dryer which happened to be falling apart. Lucky for her, the bra died a horrible death so that she could dry her clothes without having a green bra flopping around stuck in the door for the rest of the dryer’s life.
Of course, this doesn’t compare at all to the common sense approach of “How to Dry Pantyhose in a hurry” instructions. This set of instructions assumes that everyone in the world is in possession of a salad spinner.
Not that spinning your pantyhose in the salad spinner is insane enough, the instructions continue by saying: “Hang over towel rack and dry with a hair dryer - warm to cool heat. This should take no more than 5 minutes. Clean your teeth and do your hair at the same time.” Call me silly, but one hand on the hair dryer, the other hand brushing your teeth leaves you with not enough hands to do your hair. I frankly don’t know how nasty a set of pantyhose can get where you couldn’t put them on dirty in a pinch... unless you crapped in them, or course.
I would assume that the Wiki people would at least try to weed out those that had no common sense from posting “how to” guides, but apparently not. Well, I have to go run out and get a damn salad spinner in case I ever need to quickly dry my pantyhose and while I’m there, I’ll get me some lingerie bags to wash my thousands of bras.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Stupid Things Newscasters Say
In regard to the psychiatrist who was brutally attacked by a man with knives:
Embedded in a campaign? Ok, sure, they "embedded" reporters inside of military units during the first days of the invasion of Iraq, giving us a first person view from the front lines of what its like for our soldiers as they go into battle.
“You don’t hear every day of a meat cleaver killing”.
One newscasters comment over footage of Bono signing at Tom Lantos’ funeral:
One newscasters comment over footage of Bono signing at Tom Lantos’ funeral:
“Its not every day that you are serenaded live by Bono”.
"We now go live to one of our correspondents who is embedded in the Clinton campaign".
"We now go live to one of our correspondents who is embedded in the Clinton campaign".
Embedded in a campaign? Ok, sure, they "embedded" reporters inside of military units during the first days of the invasion of Iraq, giving us a first person view from the front lines of what its like for our soldiers as they go into battle.
but "embedding" a reporter in a political campaign?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
It Happens to Females
While some might find this entry a bit too “TMI” I feel strongly that women really need to be honest about the crap that goes on with their bodies. Seriously, I mean for the longest time I thought I was some kind of freak because I had one single hair growing out of control on my chin. I went through life for the longest time thinking that I was carnival freak show potential, only to find out later from some kind woman friend of mine that chin hairs do happen, as do chest hairs, nipple hairs, you name it hairs in strange places.
In the spirit of disclosure, and to ease the minds of other women, I’d like to discuss feminine itch.
Ok, I’m not really going to go into great detail about the actual feminine itch, more like what you do to get rid of it. Like most products that tailor their names to the malady such as: Tylenol, Motrin, Pepcid... hmm, wait a minute, you would think that these products would be called something like “head hurts be gone” or “stop the head throbbin” or “no more burning chest after you eat”, because why else would a product for feminine itch be called VAGISIL. Even hemorrhoid medication is subtly named “Preparation H”. Sure, it now has a reputation and is KNOWN, but its certainly not flying off the shelf as “open sores up your ass”.
Ok, so lets just say that you were newly born and working a cash register at your local drug store. Even with no knowledge of the world, you would still probably guess that something called Vagisil had something to do with a VAGINA. Why would you guess this? Well probably because the brightly colored box also explains in big letters that its for UNCOMFORTABLE VAGINAL ITCHING.
Now that its all spelled out for everyone to see (from at least 100 feet away), there’s the whole, taking it off the shelf, semi-concealing it without looking as though you are going to shoplift it, stand in line with it, and pay for it. If you are lucky (like me) you’ll get a nice, young, handsome looking young man at the register. There’s no amount of “so... how’s the weather?” banter that will stop him from seeing what you are purchasing... processing what you are purchasing... wondering just what it is that causes you to buy something like this, and will certainly remember you for the rest of your shopping life and no matter what you buy that little bell in his head will ring: vaginal itch.
Even though its one little cardboard box containing a tube, when asked if you want a bag for it, you almost scream YES, for you certainly would not go wandering out of the drug store with it held in your hand, perhaps waving it over your head for everyone to see, proudly proclaiming your soon to be domination over the vaginal itch. No, you WANT a bag, and frankly what with the diaphanous white bags used in most stores, you almost want to insist on double bagging your purchase, but refrain.
As you leave, you are convinced that everyone in line with you, the cashier, and soon all of the workers of the drug store will be dutifully informed of your purchase. You are also quite sure that every one you walk past can see through the bag, even though you’ve gone to great lengths to wrap it around the cardboard box and hold your hand in such a way as to conceal the wording as best as you can without looking like an eagle swooping off with a freshly killed mouse in its talons.
Now, let me mention the “odor blocking formula”. It has a very distinct perfume about it. Its so distinct that if you’ve ever used it, or smelled it, if you smell it again, then you know that whoever reeks of it is using it. This defeats the entire purpose of having any sort of “odor blocking formula” in my opinion. If you are trying to mask a foul discharge that is common during “vaginal itch”, then that’s fine, but don’t mask it with something that identifies it as the treatment to that issue. You will either smell like a person with a problem, or you will smell like a person that is treating that problem, either way, EVERYONE knows! How about using something like “coffee”, or “chocolate” to mask the smell. Make it an every day odor that can’t be identified. Something that doesn’t scream out VAGINAL ITCH CREAM IN USE HERE!
In closing, I have to applaud the makers of Vagisil from trying to provide young girls with information about this most unpleasant experience. I know that as a young girl, I wasn’t too keen on approaching my mother and asking her any questions in that regard. Kids growing up now are so lucky that they can google just about anything and find out instead of worrying. I do wonder though... did the chick posing on their Web site as “Sabrina” know that her photo shoot gig was to be the poster girl for hip vaginal itch information?
In the spirit of disclosure, and to ease the minds of other women, I’d like to discuss feminine itch.
Ok, I’m not really going to go into great detail about the actual feminine itch, more like what you do to get rid of it. Like most products that tailor their names to the malady such as: Tylenol, Motrin, Pepcid... hmm, wait a minute, you would think that these products would be called something like “head hurts be gone” or “stop the head throbbin” or “no more burning chest after you eat”, because why else would a product for feminine itch be called VAGISIL. Even hemorrhoid medication is subtly named “Preparation H”. Sure, it now has a reputation and is KNOWN, but its certainly not flying off the shelf as “open sores up your ass”.
Ok, so lets just say that you were newly born and working a cash register at your local drug store. Even with no knowledge of the world, you would still probably guess that something called Vagisil had something to do with a VAGINA. Why would you guess this? Well probably because the brightly colored box also explains in big letters that its for UNCOMFORTABLE VAGINAL ITCHING.
Now that its all spelled out for everyone to see (from at least 100 feet away), there’s the whole, taking it off the shelf, semi-concealing it without looking as though you are going to shoplift it, stand in line with it, and pay for it. If you are lucky (like me) you’ll get a nice, young, handsome looking young man at the register. There’s no amount of “so... how’s the weather?” banter that will stop him from seeing what you are purchasing... processing what you are purchasing... wondering just what it is that causes you to buy something like this, and will certainly remember you for the rest of your shopping life and no matter what you buy that little bell in his head will ring: vaginal itch.
Even though its one little cardboard box containing a tube, when asked if you want a bag for it, you almost scream YES, for you certainly would not go wandering out of the drug store with it held in your hand, perhaps waving it over your head for everyone to see, proudly proclaiming your soon to be domination over the vaginal itch. No, you WANT a bag, and frankly what with the diaphanous white bags used in most stores, you almost want to insist on double bagging your purchase, but refrain.
As you leave, you are convinced that everyone in line with you, the cashier, and soon all of the workers of the drug store will be dutifully informed of your purchase. You are also quite sure that every one you walk past can see through the bag, even though you’ve gone to great lengths to wrap it around the cardboard box and hold your hand in such a way as to conceal the wording as best as you can without looking like an eagle swooping off with a freshly killed mouse in its talons.
Now, let me mention the “odor blocking formula”. It has a very distinct perfume about it. Its so distinct that if you’ve ever used it, or smelled it, if you smell it again, then you know that whoever reeks of it is using it. This defeats the entire purpose of having any sort of “odor blocking formula” in my opinion. If you are trying to mask a foul discharge that is common during “vaginal itch”, then that’s fine, but don’t mask it with something that identifies it as the treatment to that issue. You will either smell like a person with a problem, or you will smell like a person that is treating that problem, either way, EVERYONE knows! How about using something like “coffee”, or “chocolate” to mask the smell. Make it an every day odor that can’t be identified. Something that doesn’t scream out VAGINAL ITCH CREAM IN USE HERE!
In closing, I have to applaud the makers of Vagisil from trying to provide young girls with information about this most unpleasant experience. I know that as a young girl, I wasn’t too keen on approaching my mother and asking her any questions in that regard. Kids growing up now are so lucky that they can google just about anything and find out instead of worrying. I do wonder though... did the chick posing on their Web site as “Sabrina” know that her photo shoot gig was to be the poster girl for hip vaginal itch information?
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I Vote
Today is the Potomac Primary, the Potomac Push, the Chesapeake Chase, the ... Gawd I hate the stupid media that has to name everything, and make it snappy too.
Yeah, I live in the Potomac Primary area so it was my turn to vote. I was disappointed that there were no cameras and slicked up media “reporters” waiting to hear my opinion of the voting process as I left the voting area (also known as a school). My tax dollars hard at work, children getting a day off just so we can vote, how nice.
So yes, it was time for me to vote, and frankly, I’m still trying to get over Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she loaned her campaign 5 MILLION dollars.
FIVE MILLION DOLLARS??
If I was squirted out of the womb making exactly what I make now, I would have to work for over 100 years in order to make 5 million dollars. She just writes a check and plops it down and thinks nothing of it apparently. Just when I think that will make my head explode, she then goes on to wistfully say that her campaign managed to recoup that FIVE MILLION DOLLARS in just one day.
I can’t even begin to imagine getting that much money in one day. Jerry Lewis has to get a zillion actors and disabled people begging overnight on his telethon to even come close to that amount, and yet people just pay that to help someone with a campaign.
FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.
Wouldn’t FIVE MILLION DOLLARS be better spent on social programs, charities, maybe buying gas cards for the volunteers that drive food for the Meals on Wheels program? How about giving some of that money to people who want to start small businesses, or to renovate a poor neighborhood, or build some houses in Hurricane Katrina stricken neighborhoods (because I hear that isn’t happening for some reason yet).
How can someone simply plop down 5 million dollars and then tell me that they know what this country needs? How can someone that thinks nothing of spending 5 million dollars on commercials, flyers, ads, posters, placards, and telemarketers, know what its like to walk in my shoes, or in the shoes of people who can’t afford shoes? How can she even begin to know what its like to eat spaghetti with no sauce because you’ve lost your job, or to make the decision between keeping warm or losing your car when you only have enough money to pay one or the other.
So, with that in mind, I go to the polls to vote on who my candidate of choice will be. Granted, the media is all up in arms, telling their viewers that the Potomac Push is going to be the deciding factor of this election... except for that other election stuff next week and next month, because that will be the clincher actually, did we say this election, no, we meant the other ones, yeah. So with the words of Jonathon Martin of politico.com “Nothing succeeds like success”, ringing in my head, which makes about as much sense as “everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it” I go get my little electronic card thing and do the vote-o-rama.
Its at this point that I hear that Hillary, even before I cast my vote, has bailed and run off to some other state that is voting next week. What? She couldn’t even pretend to bother hanging around until this election is over, she’s off to suck up to the next state.
Damn, that’s rude... Obama it is then. Ok, it always was Obama, but if anyone asks why, I have five million reasons.
Yeah, I live in the Potomac Primary area so it was my turn to vote. I was disappointed that there were no cameras and slicked up media “reporters” waiting to hear my opinion of the voting process as I left the voting area (also known as a school). My tax dollars hard at work, children getting a day off just so we can vote, how nice.
So yes, it was time for me to vote, and frankly, I’m still trying to get over Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she loaned her campaign 5 MILLION dollars.
FIVE MILLION DOLLARS??
If I was squirted out of the womb making exactly what I make now, I would have to work for over 100 years in order to make 5 million dollars. She just writes a check and plops it down and thinks nothing of it apparently. Just when I think that will make my head explode, she then goes on to wistfully say that her campaign managed to recoup that FIVE MILLION DOLLARS in just one day.
I can’t even begin to imagine getting that much money in one day. Jerry Lewis has to get a zillion actors and disabled people begging overnight on his telethon to even come close to that amount, and yet people just pay that to help someone with a campaign.
FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.
Wouldn’t FIVE MILLION DOLLARS be better spent on social programs, charities, maybe buying gas cards for the volunteers that drive food for the Meals on Wheels program? How about giving some of that money to people who want to start small businesses, or to renovate a poor neighborhood, or build some houses in Hurricane Katrina stricken neighborhoods (because I hear that isn’t happening for some reason yet).
How can someone simply plop down 5 million dollars and then tell me that they know what this country needs? How can someone that thinks nothing of spending 5 million dollars on commercials, flyers, ads, posters, placards, and telemarketers, know what its like to walk in my shoes, or in the shoes of people who can’t afford shoes? How can she even begin to know what its like to eat spaghetti with no sauce because you’ve lost your job, or to make the decision between keeping warm or losing your car when you only have enough money to pay one or the other.
So, with that in mind, I go to the polls to vote on who my candidate of choice will be. Granted, the media is all up in arms, telling their viewers that the Potomac Push is going to be the deciding factor of this election... except for that other election stuff next week and next month, because that will be the clincher actually, did we say this election, no, we meant the other ones, yeah. So with the words of Jonathon Martin of politico.com “Nothing succeeds like success”, ringing in my head, which makes about as much sense as “everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it” I go get my little electronic card thing and do the vote-o-rama.
Its at this point that I hear that Hillary, even before I cast my vote, has bailed and run off to some other state that is voting next week. What? She couldn’t even pretend to bother hanging around until this election is over, she’s off to suck up to the next state.
Damn, that’s rude... Obama it is then. Ok, it always was Obama, but if anyone asks why, I have five million reasons.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Fake Sugar Makes You Fat
This just in: a recent test has shown that artificial sweetners make you fat.
How do we know this? Well, scientists fed rats stuff with artificial sweetner in it instead of real sugar, and the rats ate like pigs and gained a bunch of weight. Apparently the body craves sugar, and if the body doesn’t get sugar, it tells you to eat until you get enough sugar, except artificial sweetners don’t contain sugar so you keep eating, unsatisfied and a humungous wide-load before you know it.
Well, at least the rats did that, who knows about humans, but seeing how artificial sweetners have been out for quite some time, and the obesity levels are just going through the roof (or through the floor, get it... heavy, break through the floor... its a joke), I’m guessing that artificial sweetners don’t work the way they planned them to work.
Oh yeah, commercials saying you should use them instead of sugar because sugar not only rots your teeth but puts on the pounds, so eat our artificial junk. Except you don’t get any satisfaction from the sugar free ho-ho so you have to eat the entire box of sugar free ho-hos.
Of course the artificial sweetner people are all up in arms about this study. They claim that since it was conducted on rats, that nobody should believe this trumped up, stupid report, after all, humans aren’t rats. Perhaps rats have this gene that makes them crave more food when they eat artificial sweetners and that caused them to get fat. Or for all we know, perhaps these rats were just genetically predisposed to fat.
Um, the only problem with saying that the rat study isn’t valid is... didn’t the artificial sweetner companies say a long time ago when they introduced their artificial sweetner that their research data said that rats were perfectly healthy and fine eating the artificial sweetner and so should you humans.
Hmmm.
How do we know this? Well, scientists fed rats stuff with artificial sweetner in it instead of real sugar, and the rats ate like pigs and gained a bunch of weight. Apparently the body craves sugar, and if the body doesn’t get sugar, it tells you to eat until you get enough sugar, except artificial sweetners don’t contain sugar so you keep eating, unsatisfied and a humungous wide-load before you know it.
Well, at least the rats did that, who knows about humans, but seeing how artificial sweetners have been out for quite some time, and the obesity levels are just going through the roof (or through the floor, get it... heavy, break through the floor... its a joke), I’m guessing that artificial sweetners don’t work the way they planned them to work.
Oh yeah, commercials saying you should use them instead of sugar because sugar not only rots your teeth but puts on the pounds, so eat our artificial junk. Except you don’t get any satisfaction from the sugar free ho-ho so you have to eat the entire box of sugar free ho-hos.
Of course the artificial sweetner people are all up in arms about this study. They claim that since it was conducted on rats, that nobody should believe this trumped up, stupid report, after all, humans aren’t rats. Perhaps rats have this gene that makes them crave more food when they eat artificial sweetners and that caused them to get fat. Or for all we know, perhaps these rats were just genetically predisposed to fat.
Um, the only problem with saying that the rat study isn’t valid is... didn’t the artificial sweetner companies say a long time ago when they introduced their artificial sweetner that their research data said that rats were perfectly healthy and fine eating the artificial sweetner and so should you humans.
Hmmm.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Pimp My Chelsea
I’m in my mid-forties and have found myself saying more and more (just like my parents): “I just don’t get these kids and their tv shows, music, humor, etc.”
A younger friend of mine sent me a MySpace joke. I didn’t get it. I don’t understand MySpace, it makes no sense to me, but apparently everyone else in the world (younger than I) flock to it and live by it. I don’t get it.
Seeing how I’m desperately clinging to the now and the future while trying not to fall into that “oh, look... the tragic old lady trying to be hip” stage, I knew what they meant when the media said that the Clintons were pimping their daughter Chelsea.
Frankly, I think its about time. That poor girl should have some sort of consultation done years ago. She could use some more fall colors to bring out the tones of her skin, and that hair, ok, I’m a redhead and yes, there are issues with red hair, but they can be overcome with a good styling and some conditioners and leave on gels!
I think the frumpy long skirts in dark colors, and the oversized sweaters definitely show a lack of self esteem, most probably due to her parents being in the limelight, and the pressure she undoubtedly felt being a “good girl” because others before (and after) her were a bit of the hell raisers and trouble makers.
Oh wait a minute... they meant pimping like the world’s oldest profession pimping and not the pimp my ride make over thing?
Sonofa... I just don’t get these kids and their tv shows....
A younger friend of mine sent me a MySpace joke. I didn’t get it. I don’t understand MySpace, it makes no sense to me, but apparently everyone else in the world (younger than I) flock to it and live by it. I don’t get it.
Seeing how I’m desperately clinging to the now and the future while trying not to fall into that “oh, look... the tragic old lady trying to be hip” stage, I knew what they meant when the media said that the Clintons were pimping their daughter Chelsea.
Frankly, I think its about time. That poor girl should have some sort of consultation done years ago. She could use some more fall colors to bring out the tones of her skin, and that hair, ok, I’m a redhead and yes, there are issues with red hair, but they can be overcome with a good styling and some conditioners and leave on gels!
I think the frumpy long skirts in dark colors, and the oversized sweaters definitely show a lack of self esteem, most probably due to her parents being in the limelight, and the pressure she undoubtedly felt being a “good girl” because others before (and after) her were a bit of the hell raisers and trouble makers.
Oh wait a minute... they meant pimping like the world’s oldest profession pimping and not the pimp my ride make over thing?
Sonofa... I just don’t get these kids and their tv shows....
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Delegate Segregation
Ok, so I got my specimen ballot for Tuesday’s election.
I live in Maryland, and my turn to contribute to the whole electoral process happens this Tuesday... can’t wait, very excited, pinch me, whoot.
Ok, I could care less... I couldn’t care less... I don’t care really. As far as I’m concerned we’re all doomed, doomed I tell you, the earth is in the handbasket, hurtling its way to hell and its just a matter of time, but frankly its not happening fast enough as I don’t want to go to work this weekend, please, please I’d like a nice catastrophe right about now.
Oh, where was I?
Oh yes, I get my official Specimen Ballot and I noticed something a bit odd. The male and female delegates are separated.
My ballot has a column for Female delegates, and I’m instructed to vote for no more than four female delegates, and my ballot has a column for male delegates and I’m instructed to vote for no more than three male delegates.
Um, wait a minute.
Why is my ballot segregated? Why am I to vote for more female than male delegates? Why isn’t there one long list of all delegates and I’m instructed to vote for no more than 7 delegates? Why???
Oh, excuse me, I have to go get a paper towel as my head has exploded all over the table and on my segregated specimen ballot.
I live in Maryland, and my turn to contribute to the whole electoral process happens this Tuesday... can’t wait, very excited, pinch me, whoot.
Ok, I could care less... I couldn’t care less... I don’t care really. As far as I’m concerned we’re all doomed, doomed I tell you, the earth is in the handbasket, hurtling its way to hell and its just a matter of time, but frankly its not happening fast enough as I don’t want to go to work this weekend, please, please I’d like a nice catastrophe right about now.
Oh, where was I?
Oh yes, I get my official Specimen Ballot and I noticed something a bit odd. The male and female delegates are separated.
My ballot has a column for Female delegates, and I’m instructed to vote for no more than four female delegates, and my ballot has a column for male delegates and I’m instructed to vote for no more than three male delegates.
Um, wait a minute.
Why is my ballot segregated? Why am I to vote for more female than male delegates? Why isn’t there one long list of all delegates and I’m instructed to vote for no more than 7 delegates? Why???
Oh, excuse me, I have to go get a paper towel as my head has exploded all over the table and on my segregated specimen ballot.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Meeting Planning By Idiots
This afternoon, shortly before lunch, I get an e-mail forwarded to me. I don’t know if you’ve ever been included in an e-mail that seems to have been bantered back and forth by several people for several days, yet the person forwarding you the e-mail only provides you with the last two parts of the e-mail, which is like coming into a movie half-way and then being quizzed on the first half.
The e-mail simply said: “We need to meet”. It was forwarded to me, and 5 other people, only one of whom I actually knew.
There was nothing in that simple incomplete sentence “We need to meet” that told me why we needed to meet, or when we needed to meet, or where we needed to meet. There was nothing in the two other parts of the forwarded e-mail that suggested any of these things, except that one of the people that hadn’t been on the forwarding list couldn’t make this meeting (whenever, wherever, for whatever reason).
I respond by simply saying “Why are we meeting, when are we meeting, and where are we meeting?”
Three simple questions that should have been included in the original forwarded e-mail. Frankly I think its incredibly rude for someone to just demand that “we” meet without including specifics.
The response came back: Is there a room available to meet?
While I’m sure this question wasn’t directed at me since I had admitted complete ignorance regarding this meeting, the fact that no additional information had been provided was causing my brain to bubble somewhat.
Someone responded back that there were no rooms available at his office, but perhaps there was one available at the office where I worked.
Um, excuse me, I’m pretty sure that I asked for some clarification on this whole meeting thing, so I couldn’t very well even venture to guess as to the availability of a room. Realizing the whole futility of this exercise of stupidity, I went to lunch. Upon my return someone responded that a room was available over lunch the next day. Oh, great, so I have a day and a time at least... except I’m not giving up my lunch hour to sit in a meeting that I really had no idea the subject of said meeting.
I responded promptly with the contractor’s all purpose excuse: “Unless I am told the purpose of this meeting, I will be unable to attend as I do not know if it falls within the scope of my contract”. This is actually a very valid reason not to venture into just any ol’ meeting, as my contract specifically states what I can and can’t do, and wandering into a meeting that has nothing to do with what I’m suppose to be working on is grounds for death in the contractor world. Ok, not death, but losing your contract and perhaps your firm losing the entire contract due to impropriety is pretty much the same as death.
Amazingly enough, there were no further responses, explanations or additional e-mails regarding this meeting for the rest of the day. I fully expect to come in tomorrow morning and find more chatter about the meeting, and how it was now scheduled at the most inconvenient time, place, and venue and that I would be required to attend.
If that’s the case, I’m calling in with a flesh eating bacteria issue.
The e-mail simply said: “We need to meet”. It was forwarded to me, and 5 other people, only one of whom I actually knew.
There was nothing in that simple incomplete sentence “We need to meet” that told me why we needed to meet, or when we needed to meet, or where we needed to meet. There was nothing in the two other parts of the forwarded e-mail that suggested any of these things, except that one of the people that hadn’t been on the forwarding list couldn’t make this meeting (whenever, wherever, for whatever reason).
I respond by simply saying “Why are we meeting, when are we meeting, and where are we meeting?”
Three simple questions that should have been included in the original forwarded e-mail. Frankly I think its incredibly rude for someone to just demand that “we” meet without including specifics.
The response came back: Is there a room available to meet?
While I’m sure this question wasn’t directed at me since I had admitted complete ignorance regarding this meeting, the fact that no additional information had been provided was causing my brain to bubble somewhat.
Someone responded back that there were no rooms available at his office, but perhaps there was one available at the office where I worked.
Um, excuse me, I’m pretty sure that I asked for some clarification on this whole meeting thing, so I couldn’t very well even venture to guess as to the availability of a room. Realizing the whole futility of this exercise of stupidity, I went to lunch. Upon my return someone responded that a room was available over lunch the next day. Oh, great, so I have a day and a time at least... except I’m not giving up my lunch hour to sit in a meeting that I really had no idea the subject of said meeting.
I responded promptly with the contractor’s all purpose excuse: “Unless I am told the purpose of this meeting, I will be unable to attend as I do not know if it falls within the scope of my contract”. This is actually a very valid reason not to venture into just any ol’ meeting, as my contract specifically states what I can and can’t do, and wandering into a meeting that has nothing to do with what I’m suppose to be working on is grounds for death in the contractor world. Ok, not death, but losing your contract and perhaps your firm losing the entire contract due to impropriety is pretty much the same as death.
Amazingly enough, there were no further responses, explanations or additional e-mails regarding this meeting for the rest of the day. I fully expect to come in tomorrow morning and find more chatter about the meeting, and how it was now scheduled at the most inconvenient time, place, and venue and that I would be required to attend.
If that’s the case, I’m calling in with a flesh eating bacteria issue.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Super Bowl Sunday
The hubby and I have big plans for the super bowl: nothing.
We didn’t invite anyone over (mainly because furniture isn’t a big priority in our house, and the decent tv is in our bedroom and frankly inviting people over to watch tv in your bedroom is a bit too weird even for us).
We aren’t even planning on watching the game. The game is more for Tivo, where we fast forward to the commercials, watch those, critique them, then fast forward to the end of the game so we know who won and won’t look like total losers the next day when all productivity of the world comes to a screeching halt while everyone discusses the stupid game and yet gets paid for a day’s productivity.
Despite the fact that we didn’t invite anyone over, and aren’t big football fans, we feel compelled to eat wings today. Seeing how we’re very good at planning, we didn’t buy any wings to eat today. Seeing how its Superbowl sunday (an hour before the game starts... at least I think it starts at 6pm, I don’t know) we probably won’t be able to order any and get them delivered until next week. Pizza is probably out as well. We’ve considered getting curbside take away from Outback, but it would seem a shame to just order wings from Outback so we’d be compelled to order a nice cut of prime rib (each) and what’s prime rib without a lobster tail, baked potato, salad, an appetizer of some kind and oh yeah, those sauteed mushrooms they have. Yum.
We’ve both admitted that neither of us is very hungry to begin with, but as we’ve both stopped smoking, we’ve started what is considered to be a typical stop smoking coping mechanism: stuffing anything into your mouth even if you aren’t hungry. Good for us that we’ll be able to breathe clearly and won’t suffer from some horrible type of cancer as we balloon fatter and fatter until we’re taken out of our house by a crane and embraced by Richard Simmons. Yes, so much better than smoking. Note to self: don’t watch any show that depicts recovering drug addicts or alcoholics, as they turn to chain smoking as their coping mechanism. Makes me want to start a nice crack addiction so that people will look at me while I chainsmoke and tell me how brave I am for quitting that horrible crack, instead of berating me for being a horrible, stinky smoker.
Have I mentioned that since quitting and since my tubal ligation, my face has broken out like a 16 year old’s? What the fuck is up with that? Not that I’m bitter about anything today.
We didn’t invite anyone over (mainly because furniture isn’t a big priority in our house, and the decent tv is in our bedroom and frankly inviting people over to watch tv in your bedroom is a bit too weird even for us).
We aren’t even planning on watching the game. The game is more for Tivo, where we fast forward to the commercials, watch those, critique them, then fast forward to the end of the game so we know who won and won’t look like total losers the next day when all productivity of the world comes to a screeching halt while everyone discusses the stupid game and yet gets paid for a day’s productivity.
Despite the fact that we didn’t invite anyone over, and aren’t big football fans, we feel compelled to eat wings today. Seeing how we’re very good at planning, we didn’t buy any wings to eat today. Seeing how its Superbowl sunday (an hour before the game starts... at least I think it starts at 6pm, I don’t know) we probably won’t be able to order any and get them delivered until next week. Pizza is probably out as well. We’ve considered getting curbside take away from Outback, but it would seem a shame to just order wings from Outback so we’d be compelled to order a nice cut of prime rib (each) and what’s prime rib without a lobster tail, baked potato, salad, an appetizer of some kind and oh yeah, those sauteed mushrooms they have. Yum.
We’ve both admitted that neither of us is very hungry to begin with, but as we’ve both stopped smoking, we’ve started what is considered to be a typical stop smoking coping mechanism: stuffing anything into your mouth even if you aren’t hungry. Good for us that we’ll be able to breathe clearly and won’t suffer from some horrible type of cancer as we balloon fatter and fatter until we’re taken out of our house by a crane and embraced by Richard Simmons. Yes, so much better than smoking. Note to self: don’t watch any show that depicts recovering drug addicts or alcoholics, as they turn to chain smoking as their coping mechanism. Makes me want to start a nice crack addiction so that people will look at me while I chainsmoke and tell me how brave I am for quitting that horrible crack, instead of berating me for being a horrible, stinky smoker.
Have I mentioned that since quitting and since my tubal ligation, my face has broken out like a 16 year old’s? What the fuck is up with that? Not that I’m bitter about anything today.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Weekly Rant About Everything
I swear that Ted Kennedy said “Ameriker” during his speech saying he supported Obama. Ameriker? eesh.
If the government can send out checks to a majority of its citizens to stimulate the economy... then why are we paying taxes this year? Why don’t they just say “hey, all of you that owe the IRS money, just forget about it this year and spend that money on silly things to help the economy”.
I would like to volunteer my house as the spot for that spy satellite to fall. Although they say they can’t control it and all that, I still want to offer my house as its final landing spot, knowing that it will most likely destroy my home and contaminate the land. You see, I’d really like to move to Portland, OR, but the mere thought of packing up the worthless crap in my house, and then having to replace carpets and fix broken junk then try to sell it in this totally fucked up economy is more to bear. If a nice big spy satellite crashed down on the house and destroys it, I can just pack my dogs in my truck and drive west. Please, crash on my house.
Whenever I see a commercial for Scottrade I always think of pest control or lawn care. I don’t know why, but I think they should know that their brand name doesn’t generate the whole “trusted broker” image they probably spent zillions to create. I would also point out to them that I certainly wouldn’t trust a broker that had enough money to flit around in a helicopter sounding really pompous.
I’m very disappointed that yet another “As Seen on TV” product is a piece of crap. I had high hopes for the Tater Mitts, but after doing some extensive googling, I found that others have purchased them (thus saving me $19.99) and what they don’t tell you about the amazing “peels a potato in 8 seconds” gloves is that you actually have to par boil the potato first. Well duh! If you par boil it first you can literally scrape the skin off with a fingernail, so why do I need ugly rubber mitts? So disappointing, and yet I have to admire the people that come up with this crap and sell it by the zillions. Of course, leaving that whole “par boil” part out of the info-mercial could be seen as a bit of false advertising.
I saw something on CNN or one of those networks that said that cockroaches can’t back up, so that’s why a lot of doctors find them in people’s ears. EEEEEEUUUUUUWWWWWW. Ok, that would explain why you hear of cockroaches being found in people’s ears, as oppose to other bugs who are apparently born with a reverse. That’s nasty. I guess in the grand scheme of things, if you get a cockroach trapped in the dead end of a one way road, you are good to go for squishing.
Vitamin water is foul. Sorry, but it is, don’t fall for it and buy it, it sucks.
The Hollywood reporters were going on and on about Heath Ledger’s “Mysterious Death”. They were totally puzzled over how he could possibly die, its such a mystery! Um, the guy had a few dozen bottles of prescription narcotics, sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, etc in his apartment. What is so hard about understanding that he takes too many, or takes them in a bad combination and croaks. This is a mystery?
Apparently if you are 44 years old, you are in the height of depression, that’s the age of most depression. Once again, the medical people on tv are puzzled as to why 44 year olds are depressed. Gee, being that I’m 44, here’s a little hint:
1.) I’ve realized that I’m trapped in a shitty profession, shitty job, shitty state and will never escape this shit.
2.) Although I’d love to be a freelance writer and write funny things and get paid for it, when I put out my resume which says that for a gazillion years I’ve done nothing but write boring, slit your throat before you can finish technical documents, users guides, admin guides and certification documentation, all I get are job offers to do that same crap for different companies for the same clients I’m working for now. Gee, don’t know why I’m depressed.
3.) When trying to move into a new form of work, I’m told that when a spot opens I’ll get moved there so I can learn it, except they always hire someone from outside the company and I never get a chance to do that fun thing because I’m not experienced, nor will I ever be at the rate they’re going... don’t know why I’m depressed at work.
4.) I still have THIRTY FUCKING YEARS of work before I can retire, and even then, Social Security will be drained and I’ll probably die of old age at my job because I can’t afford to retire.
5.) The idea of following your dream has been beaten dead by bills, taxes, responsibilities, and rich asshats that steal your ideas and become rich while you drown in a sea of corporate america and managers who can’t spell but like to suggest you change a sentence to have more of a “security flavor”.
6.) The company I work for is probably going to get sold and who knows where those 8 years of my life will go, it certainly won’t be retirement as I’m sure I’ll be let go so they can dissolve the company and sell off its assets... can’t wait for that one actually, I’ve never been fired, at least I can call it a first for me, then I can go get a job with another firm doing the same shit I hate doing now YIPPEEE LIFE IS GREAT!
Thus ends my weekly rant.
If the government can send out checks to a majority of its citizens to stimulate the economy... then why are we paying taxes this year? Why don’t they just say “hey, all of you that owe the IRS money, just forget about it this year and spend that money on silly things to help the economy”.
I would like to volunteer my house as the spot for that spy satellite to fall. Although they say they can’t control it and all that, I still want to offer my house as its final landing spot, knowing that it will most likely destroy my home and contaminate the land. You see, I’d really like to move to Portland, OR, but the mere thought of packing up the worthless crap in my house, and then having to replace carpets and fix broken junk then try to sell it in this totally fucked up economy is more to bear. If a nice big spy satellite crashed down on the house and destroys it, I can just pack my dogs in my truck and drive west. Please, crash on my house.
Whenever I see a commercial for Scottrade I always think of pest control or lawn care. I don’t know why, but I think they should know that their brand name doesn’t generate the whole “trusted broker” image they probably spent zillions to create. I would also point out to them that I certainly wouldn’t trust a broker that had enough money to flit around in a helicopter sounding really pompous.
I’m very disappointed that yet another “As Seen on TV” product is a piece of crap. I had high hopes for the Tater Mitts, but after doing some extensive googling, I found that others have purchased them (thus saving me $19.99) and what they don’t tell you about the amazing “peels a potato in 8 seconds” gloves is that you actually have to par boil the potato first. Well duh! If you par boil it first you can literally scrape the skin off with a fingernail, so why do I need ugly rubber mitts? So disappointing, and yet I have to admire the people that come up with this crap and sell it by the zillions. Of course, leaving that whole “par boil” part out of the info-mercial could be seen as a bit of false advertising.
I saw something on CNN or one of those networks that said that cockroaches can’t back up, so that’s why a lot of doctors find them in people’s ears. EEEEEEUUUUUUWWWWWW. Ok, that would explain why you hear of cockroaches being found in people’s ears, as oppose to other bugs who are apparently born with a reverse. That’s nasty. I guess in the grand scheme of things, if you get a cockroach trapped in the dead end of a one way road, you are good to go for squishing.
Vitamin water is foul. Sorry, but it is, don’t fall for it and buy it, it sucks.
The Hollywood reporters were going on and on about Heath Ledger’s “Mysterious Death”. They were totally puzzled over how he could possibly die, its such a mystery! Um, the guy had a few dozen bottles of prescription narcotics, sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, etc in his apartment. What is so hard about understanding that he takes too many, or takes them in a bad combination and croaks. This is a mystery?
Apparently if you are 44 years old, you are in the height of depression, that’s the age of most depression. Once again, the medical people on tv are puzzled as to why 44 year olds are depressed. Gee, being that I’m 44, here’s a little hint:
1.) I’ve realized that I’m trapped in a shitty profession, shitty job, shitty state and will never escape this shit.
2.) Although I’d love to be a freelance writer and write funny things and get paid for it, when I put out my resume which says that for a gazillion years I’ve done nothing but write boring, slit your throat before you can finish technical documents, users guides, admin guides and certification documentation, all I get are job offers to do that same crap for different companies for the same clients I’m working for now. Gee, don’t know why I’m depressed.
3.) When trying to move into a new form of work, I’m told that when a spot opens I’ll get moved there so I can learn it, except they always hire someone from outside the company and I never get a chance to do that fun thing because I’m not experienced, nor will I ever be at the rate they’re going... don’t know why I’m depressed at work.
4.) I still have THIRTY FUCKING YEARS of work before I can retire, and even then, Social Security will be drained and I’ll probably die of old age at my job because I can’t afford to retire.
5.) The idea of following your dream has been beaten dead by bills, taxes, responsibilities, and rich asshats that steal your ideas and become rich while you drown in a sea of corporate america and managers who can’t spell but like to suggest you change a sentence to have more of a “security flavor”.
6.) The company I work for is probably going to get sold and who knows where those 8 years of my life will go, it certainly won’t be retirement as I’m sure I’ll be let go so they can dissolve the company and sell off its assets... can’t wait for that one actually, I’ve never been fired, at least I can call it a first for me, then I can go get a job with another firm doing the same shit I hate doing now YIPPEEE LIFE IS GREAT!
Thus ends my weekly rant.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The Price of Life
A man has died.
It happens a lot, every day, a lot of people die here in the United States. Some go totally unnoticed and those MAY make the gruesome headlines (dead man lay in home for months before being discovered), but for the most part, local newspapers carry their obituaries. Homemakers, businessmen, factory workers, cashiers at the local Piggly Wiggly. They lived, they died, they are buried, all anonymously except for the few that loved them, the few in their community whose lives were touched by their presence.
A man was found dead in his apartment and for the past week that’s all we’ve heard about. Why is he so special? Did he solve a horrible killer disease? Did he give money and time to help the poor and downtrodden? Was he a doctor that saved lives? Was he a scientist that built better things for the world? Was he a policeman that saved and protected the community around him? A fireman?
Oh no, he was an actor. He pretended to be something he wasn’t in front of a camera, and was paid large amounts of money to entertain people. He was followed by camera people, his photos splashed in magazines, he was idolized and worshipped, people bought the same clothes that he wore, they wanted the same jewelry and watches that he wore simply because he wore them. He was honored and feted, and wined and dined, and given just about anything he wanted, simply because he could pretend to be something that he wasn’t in a film. He was said to be handsome, dashing, and charming. People idolized him, and yet he really didn’t “do” anything except entertain people.
Throughout our lives we are touched by those invisible people that do things to make our lives better, easier, and enjoyable. Someone takes away our smelly, filthy garbage. Somehow when we turn on a faucet, we get water, either hot or cold, and we don’t question why or where it comes from. We flush a stool and our filth is eliminated and our houses don’t reek. Someone stocks the shelves with food, someone actually makes our food, our clothes, our shoes. We drive in cars and trucks that are made by someone. We get sick and go to doctors who make us well, operate on us to make us well.
If those people stopped what they were doing, our society would quickly fall apart. If actors stopped entertaining, we’d get bored quickly, but as an imaginative people, we would come up with something else to entertain ourselves with. Perhaps we would look at our real world and recognize those who truly contribute to our society and make it work, not those who pretend to be something they aren’t. Perhaps a man that picked up our garbage every day for all of his life would get front page recognition when he passed, not a stranger who most likely wouldn’t pick up a fallen candy wrapper, nor give us the time of day if we met on the street by accident.
An actor has died... no loss to society.
It happens a lot, every day, a lot of people die here in the United States. Some go totally unnoticed and those MAY make the gruesome headlines (dead man lay in home for months before being discovered), but for the most part, local newspapers carry their obituaries. Homemakers, businessmen, factory workers, cashiers at the local Piggly Wiggly. They lived, they died, they are buried, all anonymously except for the few that loved them, the few in their community whose lives were touched by their presence.
A man was found dead in his apartment and for the past week that’s all we’ve heard about. Why is he so special? Did he solve a horrible killer disease? Did he give money and time to help the poor and downtrodden? Was he a doctor that saved lives? Was he a scientist that built better things for the world? Was he a policeman that saved and protected the community around him? A fireman?
Oh no, he was an actor. He pretended to be something he wasn’t in front of a camera, and was paid large amounts of money to entertain people. He was followed by camera people, his photos splashed in magazines, he was idolized and worshipped, people bought the same clothes that he wore, they wanted the same jewelry and watches that he wore simply because he wore them. He was honored and feted, and wined and dined, and given just about anything he wanted, simply because he could pretend to be something that he wasn’t in a film. He was said to be handsome, dashing, and charming. People idolized him, and yet he really didn’t “do” anything except entertain people.
Throughout our lives we are touched by those invisible people that do things to make our lives better, easier, and enjoyable. Someone takes away our smelly, filthy garbage. Somehow when we turn on a faucet, we get water, either hot or cold, and we don’t question why or where it comes from. We flush a stool and our filth is eliminated and our houses don’t reek. Someone stocks the shelves with food, someone actually makes our food, our clothes, our shoes. We drive in cars and trucks that are made by someone. We get sick and go to doctors who make us well, operate on us to make us well.
If those people stopped what they were doing, our society would quickly fall apart. If actors stopped entertaining, we’d get bored quickly, but as an imaginative people, we would come up with something else to entertain ourselves with. Perhaps we would look at our real world and recognize those who truly contribute to our society and make it work, not those who pretend to be something they aren’t. Perhaps a man that picked up our garbage every day for all of his life would get front page recognition when he passed, not a stranger who most likely wouldn’t pick up a fallen candy wrapper, nor give us the time of day if we met on the street by accident.
An actor has died... no loss to society.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Fit To Be Tied
I haven’t ranted in a while mainly because I’ve been lounging and enjoying the high of some good pain pills.
On Wednesday, in an outpatient procedure, I had my tubes tied. Tubal Ligation is the official name for it, there are other more complicated names for the exact procedure of using little bands to tie off the tubes, which will then grow some scar tissue and ensure that I am sterile and cannot breed.
I didn’t want to jump for joy and gloat about having the procedure done prior to having the procedure done as a sort of don’t jinx a good thing. As it is a surgical procedure you do have to go through a physical and get some blood work done and I didn’t want anything to come back and deny me the opportunity of not taking birth control or worrying about getting pregnant.
For those of you interested in what the procedure entails, I will detail it for you here. In another blog entry I will detail the years of asking and the bias/caution of doctors in performing this procedure on young women. For now, I give you the full details of Tubal Ligation (as it happened to me).
After taking Depo Provera shots for 10 years (they only recommend 4 years max) my doctor was a bit... leery about giving me more refills and recommended seeing a gynecologist, which I did. Very nice guy. We discussed the fact that after 20 years I recently quit smoking, and had been on depo for 10 years, etc. He suggested that my next form of birth control be the IUD.
The mere mention of that word: IUD made me hiss and cringe in my chair. I had heard horror stories of this evil device, implanted who knows where in your feminine regions only to either migrate into your brain and kill you instantly, or without notice, burst from your abdomen during an important business meeting like something out of Alien. I meekly asked “Can’t you just tie my tubes?” and my wonderful new OB GYN said.... “When do you want it done?” I cried from happiness.
You’ll first need to make an appointment with your regular doctor to make sure that you are sane, want your tubes tied, and are healthy enough to undergo the procedure. Ok, they actually just make sure that you are healthy enough, but there are questions, and they make sure you know that tube tying is permanent. No changing your mind, this is it, are you sure? Hell yes.
You’ll need to get some blood work taken to make sure you can stand the anesthesia. Even though it is an outpatient procedure and a pretty quick one at that, you will be knocked out for it, as the doctor really doesn’t want you squirming around as he’s putting bands on your tubes to tie them off.
The day of the procedure, no food or water (which does include NO COFFEE) after midnight the night of the procedure, which makes for a very cranky person, especially when the admitting nurse is sipping on a starbucks while she types in your information.
You go to the prep area and put all of your clothes in the handy plastic bag and put on the stylish gowns with one tie strap and the very comfy no slip socks. I had to pee in a cup to make sure that I wasn’t pregnant prior to the procedure, then I lay on a gurney while they put in my IV. I love the fact that they actually warm blankets in a little blanket warmer and put them on you while you wait for the conga line of anesthesiologists and doctors to come in and have you sign forms that say if you die its not their fault.
My doctor comes in and lets me know the entire procedure will take all of 15 minutes. They will punch a hole in my belly button, put some gas in the cavity to poof it up so they can work, they’ll tie the tubes, which will require them to manipulate my innards a bit so they can get to the tubes, which means I’ll have a little vaginal bleeding and that’s normal. After that, its some pain pills to go home, wake up from the anesthesia and out the door I go with a few days of rest, I’ll be good as new.
True to their word, after getting wheeled into the OR, I recall moving to the surgical platform thing, looking around and zonk, I was out, next thing I know I’m in the recovery room. I drank some water, got my head clear, got some coffee, layed around some more, then they asked if I had to pee, I thought I could, it took longer than I thought but I managed, got dressed, hopped into a wheelchair and out the door I went. Got the hospital at 7:30, left at 11:30am.
I spent the rest of the day in bed sleeping and trying to find a more comfy position. My hubby went to the pharmacy and picked up my pain pills which was either 600mg Ibuprofen or Oxycoden. Hmmm, give me the good stuff please. I felt SO much better after taking one of those beauties.
Day two I had more pain from a stupid migraine headache than I did from the procedure and spent the day in bed wishing someone would cut my head off until I took an Oxycoden and lapsed into a coma.
Day three isn’t too bad. I’m sitting up at my desk typing this. Climbing stairs is a bit painful, leaning over is painful, and I find that I’m tensing up which makes things painful instead of just relaxing. I haven’t taken any pills yet, I’m saving them for a nice mid afternoon nap. My dogs are being nice (so far) and haven’t tried to jump on me or do something painful. I’d say that by tomorrow I’ll be out driving and walking around, and surely by Monday its back to work for me with only (I’m guessing) a bit of discomfort.
Overall, a very nice procedure, no scarring and best of all, no kids, no birth control. I like that.
On Wednesday, in an outpatient procedure, I had my tubes tied. Tubal Ligation is the official name for it, there are other more complicated names for the exact procedure of using little bands to tie off the tubes, which will then grow some scar tissue and ensure that I am sterile and cannot breed.
I didn’t want to jump for joy and gloat about having the procedure done prior to having the procedure done as a sort of don’t jinx a good thing. As it is a surgical procedure you do have to go through a physical and get some blood work done and I didn’t want anything to come back and deny me the opportunity of not taking birth control or worrying about getting pregnant.
For those of you interested in what the procedure entails, I will detail it for you here. In another blog entry I will detail the years of asking and the bias/caution of doctors in performing this procedure on young women. For now, I give you the full details of Tubal Ligation (as it happened to me).
After taking Depo Provera shots for 10 years (they only recommend 4 years max) my doctor was a bit... leery about giving me more refills and recommended seeing a gynecologist, which I did. Very nice guy. We discussed the fact that after 20 years I recently quit smoking, and had been on depo for 10 years, etc. He suggested that my next form of birth control be the IUD.
The mere mention of that word: IUD made me hiss and cringe in my chair. I had heard horror stories of this evil device, implanted who knows where in your feminine regions only to either migrate into your brain and kill you instantly, or without notice, burst from your abdomen during an important business meeting like something out of Alien. I meekly asked “Can’t you just tie my tubes?” and my wonderful new OB GYN said.... “When do you want it done?” I cried from happiness.
You’ll first need to make an appointment with your regular doctor to make sure that you are sane, want your tubes tied, and are healthy enough to undergo the procedure. Ok, they actually just make sure that you are healthy enough, but there are questions, and they make sure you know that tube tying is permanent. No changing your mind, this is it, are you sure? Hell yes.
You’ll need to get some blood work taken to make sure you can stand the anesthesia. Even though it is an outpatient procedure and a pretty quick one at that, you will be knocked out for it, as the doctor really doesn’t want you squirming around as he’s putting bands on your tubes to tie them off.
The day of the procedure, no food or water (which does include NO COFFEE) after midnight the night of the procedure, which makes for a very cranky person, especially when the admitting nurse is sipping on a starbucks while she types in your information.
You go to the prep area and put all of your clothes in the handy plastic bag and put on the stylish gowns with one tie strap and the very comfy no slip socks. I had to pee in a cup to make sure that I wasn’t pregnant prior to the procedure, then I lay on a gurney while they put in my IV. I love the fact that they actually warm blankets in a little blanket warmer and put them on you while you wait for the conga line of anesthesiologists and doctors to come in and have you sign forms that say if you die its not their fault.
My doctor comes in and lets me know the entire procedure will take all of 15 minutes. They will punch a hole in my belly button, put some gas in the cavity to poof it up so they can work, they’ll tie the tubes, which will require them to manipulate my innards a bit so they can get to the tubes, which means I’ll have a little vaginal bleeding and that’s normal. After that, its some pain pills to go home, wake up from the anesthesia and out the door I go with a few days of rest, I’ll be good as new.
True to their word, after getting wheeled into the OR, I recall moving to the surgical platform thing, looking around and zonk, I was out, next thing I know I’m in the recovery room. I drank some water, got my head clear, got some coffee, layed around some more, then they asked if I had to pee, I thought I could, it took longer than I thought but I managed, got dressed, hopped into a wheelchair and out the door I went. Got the hospital at 7:30, left at 11:30am.
I spent the rest of the day in bed sleeping and trying to find a more comfy position. My hubby went to the pharmacy and picked up my pain pills which was either 600mg Ibuprofen or Oxycoden. Hmmm, give me the good stuff please. I felt SO much better after taking one of those beauties.
Day two I had more pain from a stupid migraine headache than I did from the procedure and spent the day in bed wishing someone would cut my head off until I took an Oxycoden and lapsed into a coma.
Day three isn’t too bad. I’m sitting up at my desk typing this. Climbing stairs is a bit painful, leaning over is painful, and I find that I’m tensing up which makes things painful instead of just relaxing. I haven’t taken any pills yet, I’m saving them for a nice mid afternoon nap. My dogs are being nice (so far) and haven’t tried to jump on me or do something painful. I’d say that by tomorrow I’ll be out driving and walking around, and surely by Monday its back to work for me with only (I’m guessing) a bit of discomfort.
Overall, a very nice procedure, no scarring and best of all, no kids, no birth control. I like that.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Cult of Purse-onality
I’ve never been a big fan of purses. I actually never carried one until after I got out of the Air Force and much of that was due to getting married and finding that part of marriage meant carrying your spouse’s crap.
Back when I was growing up, carrying a purse meant only one thing: you got your period. I didn’t have the luxury of having little tampon or miniscule little pads with wings like the kids nowadays have. No, back in my day we were still saddled (literally) with those honking HUGE pads that required belts. Yes, BELTS! Look at that crap, that’s what we had to wear. Hard to feel girly and feminine about your period when you’re sporting one of those, eh?
The stigma of period and purse lasted a long time with me. That day I showed up carrying a bag and was teased by everyone knowing I was “on the rag, riding the cotton pony” all of those fabulously, wonderful ways of saying menstruation pretty much soiled the carrying of a purse for me well until my 20’s. I actually have to say that it continues to this day, but to a lesser degree.
In the Air Force I carried a wallet, I’m sure cementing the concept in my friends and co-worker’s minds that I was a lesbian. No, I just couldn’t stomach carrying the black, old woman-like purses that were the ONLY purses allowed to be carried by female military members. Even though everyone had the same purse, I just couldn’t bring myself to carry one and frankly I didn’t wear make-up, or carry a hair brush, or any of the other feminine accoutrement so why bother carrying a purse.
Upon leaving the Air Force and getting married, the “can you hold my wallet” responsibility of marriage forced me to carry something, and fortunately for me the fanny pack was stylish at the time, so I got away with that instead of a bag. After that became the joke of dweebs, I was forced to find purses that weren’t really purses but would carry all of the crap that eventually I would tote around with me for some odd reason.
Civilian life soon begat credit cards, ATM cards, ID, driver’s license, store cards, insurance cards, check book, and my tiny wallet was forced into retirement and here comes a regular sized wallet. If you have a check book, you’ll need a pen, if you have hair you need a hair brush, if you have sinus issues, you’ll want to carry OTC drugs, if you have a car you’ll have the vast array of keys, door openers, alarm system clickers, lojack fobs. Gone are the days when you slide the driver’s license, some money, and one key into your pocket and you were good to go.
Then came the PDA, the cell phone, now the PDA/Cell phone and MP3 player, and finally the iPhone, headphones, my sketchpad, various and sundry bits of papers that I need for some odd reason and finally I gave up and decided that I needed to carry a bag... but I refuse to call it a purse and it can’t look like a purse.
I’ve gone from someone who loathed and refused to carry a purse to a purse-a-holic, someone desperately trying to find the perfect purse that isn’t a purse. Tote bags, messenger bags, back packs, shoulder bags, hobo bags, metro bags, drawstring bags, furry little bags, you name it, I’ve bought it and my closet is crammed full of them. I buy them thinking that “this is it” only to hate it within a week and throwing it into a closet, giving it to friends, donating it to charity, then regretting its loss when I think that it wasn’t that bad and I shouldn’t have gotten rid of it.
I go from shoulder bags, to messenger bags, to smaller messenger bags, to bigger messenger bags, to shoulder bags, to smaller shoulder bags, then back to messenger bags. Its never the right size, never has the right amount of pockets, never has the pockets where I want them, doesn’t hang on my shoulder right, the strap is too long, the strap is too short, the strap is too narrow, the strap is too wide, it clings to the fabric of my clothes, it collects too much hair, its not a good color, if only.
Its difficult to get into, it fell off my shoulder and knocked my latte over therefore it got thrown away, the strap won’t shut right, its too stiff, its too flimsy, I can’t find anything, why are there so many compartments, why can’t anyone make the perfect bag?
I found a drawstring bag that I absolutely love and its only $750. That’s when I knew I was in trouble, and at least I knew that had I bought the bag, I would have still hated it within a week and regretted spending that much money on it, but I would be stuck with it, no way would I get rid of anything that expensive, I would have suffered with it. Maybe that’s the way to do it, shame myself into a bag that I’ll keep no matter how much I hate it, just use it because its so damn expensive.
I opted for a much cheaper drawstring sack like thing that in no way resembles a purse. It annoys me in some ways, but that’s it. I quit smoking, I can quit buying purses... unless that cool $750 bag goes on sale.
Back when I was growing up, carrying a purse meant only one thing: you got your period. I didn’t have the luxury of having little tampon or miniscule little pads with wings like the kids nowadays have. No, back in my day we were still saddled (literally) with those honking HUGE pads that required belts. Yes, BELTS! Look at that crap, that’s what we had to wear. Hard to feel girly and feminine about your period when you’re sporting one of those, eh?
The stigma of period and purse lasted a long time with me. That day I showed up carrying a bag and was teased by everyone knowing I was “on the rag, riding the cotton pony” all of those fabulously, wonderful ways of saying menstruation pretty much soiled the carrying of a purse for me well until my 20’s. I actually have to say that it continues to this day, but to a lesser degree.
In the Air Force I carried a wallet, I’m sure cementing the concept in my friends and co-worker’s minds that I was a lesbian. No, I just couldn’t stomach carrying the black, old woman-like purses that were the ONLY purses allowed to be carried by female military members. Even though everyone had the same purse, I just couldn’t bring myself to carry one and frankly I didn’t wear make-up, or carry a hair brush, or any of the other feminine accoutrement so why bother carrying a purse.
Upon leaving the Air Force and getting married, the “can you hold my wallet” responsibility of marriage forced me to carry something, and fortunately for me the fanny pack was stylish at the time, so I got away with that instead of a bag. After that became the joke of dweebs, I was forced to find purses that weren’t really purses but would carry all of the crap that eventually I would tote around with me for some odd reason.
Civilian life soon begat credit cards, ATM cards, ID, driver’s license, store cards, insurance cards, check book, and my tiny wallet was forced into retirement and here comes a regular sized wallet. If you have a check book, you’ll need a pen, if you have hair you need a hair brush, if you have sinus issues, you’ll want to carry OTC drugs, if you have a car you’ll have the vast array of keys, door openers, alarm system clickers, lojack fobs. Gone are the days when you slide the driver’s license, some money, and one key into your pocket and you were good to go.
Then came the PDA, the cell phone, now the PDA/Cell phone and MP3 player, and finally the iPhone, headphones, my sketchpad, various and sundry bits of papers that I need for some odd reason and finally I gave up and decided that I needed to carry a bag... but I refuse to call it a purse and it can’t look like a purse.
I’ve gone from someone who loathed and refused to carry a purse to a purse-a-holic, someone desperately trying to find the perfect purse that isn’t a purse. Tote bags, messenger bags, back packs, shoulder bags, hobo bags, metro bags, drawstring bags, furry little bags, you name it, I’ve bought it and my closet is crammed full of them. I buy them thinking that “this is it” only to hate it within a week and throwing it into a closet, giving it to friends, donating it to charity, then regretting its loss when I think that it wasn’t that bad and I shouldn’t have gotten rid of it.
I go from shoulder bags, to messenger bags, to smaller messenger bags, to bigger messenger bags, to shoulder bags, to smaller shoulder bags, then back to messenger bags. Its never the right size, never has the right amount of pockets, never has the pockets where I want them, doesn’t hang on my shoulder right, the strap is too long, the strap is too short, the strap is too narrow, the strap is too wide, it clings to the fabric of my clothes, it collects too much hair, its not a good color, if only.
Its difficult to get into, it fell off my shoulder and knocked my latte over therefore it got thrown away, the strap won’t shut right, its too stiff, its too flimsy, I can’t find anything, why are there so many compartments, why can’t anyone make the perfect bag?
I found a drawstring bag that I absolutely love and its only $750. That’s when I knew I was in trouble, and at least I knew that had I bought the bag, I would have still hated it within a week and regretted spending that much money on it, but I would be stuck with it, no way would I get rid of anything that expensive, I would have suffered with it. Maybe that’s the way to do it, shame myself into a bag that I’ll keep no matter how much I hate it, just use it because its so damn expensive.
I opted for a much cheaper drawstring sack like thing that in no way resembles a purse. It annoys me in some ways, but that’s it. I quit smoking, I can quit buying purses... unless that cool $750 bag goes on sale.
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